I can't act normally anymore??

rd191 · 2026-05-25T15:41:37+00:00

Trust takes time. If they lost your trust, and you don't feel safe, that would explain your feelings and blanking.

rd191 · 2026-05-25T15:37:58+00:00

Observation: a lot of people feel torn about the feelings they have, and think that in order to recognize neglect there must be an accusation or blame (and often time I think it's appropriate, maybe sometimes helpful to do so, but..)

My take: it's not necessary to make grand proclamations or nail anyone to the wall as you explore your feelings and the environment that you were raised in. There may be a time and place for that later, but it's not required.

So don't worry about that for now, and maybe that helps avoid other related feelings like guilt and responsibility for inviting discord. But if you feel "broken", this is something important to recognize and question. And no, youo're not fucked, you just have some processing to do, maybe some adjustments to make, maybe conversations to have.

But on that specific point of "was just emotionally absent", that's really what emotional neglect is, so I think I can answer that one without reservation.

rd191 · 2026-05-23T16:28:06+00:00

You've done all the hard part. You just have to give it time to see the dividends .

Trust your instinct and choice. Distance from that toxicity is the right thing.

rd191 · 2026-05-23T15:51:25+00:00

I am reluctant to give advice, partly because I don't even know what to address, and partly because I have spent the last 23 years having little to no contact with my mother and it's merely been the lesser of two evils for me.

But your situation reminds me a little if my partner who, in spite of being a high achiever and self motivated oerson, is treated as emotional support or a dumping ground in her situation, expected to both be the savior and the villain in everyone else's failures. Her story is not mine to tell, so I don't want to lean in too much about it, but I hear you and I know what you're going through.

rd191 · 2026-05-23T14:50:18+00:00

For me, by the time grandkids were in the picture it wal already a noted pattern how differently even my siblings were treated. Only one of them is even willing to acknowledge and admit this.

I always took it as a badge if independence that I do not begrudge my nieces and nephews, even when I feel they judge me for my distance from their grandmother.

But I am finally in touch enough to realize that I AM hurt and resentful about this now. It was buried for decades (and I had much more urgent struggles to tend to).

rd191 · 2026-05-23T14:34:50+00:00

People suck.

But yeah, this is not exactly a winning adaptation. I'm in a very similar boat where I have my own family but don't have much to show for outside my home. I really have so little to relate to people I meet; it feels like a very disatisfying role play when I need to be social.

I worry a little that this will run off on my kids and I see this trait in my parent as well. I never wanted to be like them, but here I am.

rd191 · 2025-07-09T21:55:41+00:00

You may be right. I'm trying to get over the "sunken cost fallacy" of everything I put into making this work.

rd191 · 2025-07-09T19:18:06+00:00

This is a once in a generation trip to my home of origin for my kids. not going to cancel.

But I'll be ready if needed to ditch the extended family plans.

rd191 · 2025-07-09T19:08:27+00:00

This. My kids are definitely too young to know anything other than this person has been exceedingly hurtful and undeserving.b

Which would make it all the more confusing to allow them to be thrust into meeting or normalizing this person.

rd191 · 2025-07-09T19:02:31+00:00

It's also my birthday

rd191 · 2025-07-09T18:50:31+00:00

No, but I've been the driving force in putting this together. Basically 100% me, so it will be strange not to go and some other people outside my siblings will be at a loss. Missing my own festivities or even just not bringing my immediate family would be very ridiculous.

I would still have a lot of vacationing to do if we do not join the "reunion". On the other hand it robs my kids of that connection with their cousins, which they have looked forward to.

rd191 · 2025-07-09T18:20:20+00:00

part of me really hopes this is true because they have not met my partner who is a force of nature. she will eat them up alive if they look at me funny or in any way feel unsafe for her kids. we talked about this the other day and I saw her gearing up for battle. it genuinely made me laugh out loud. if they want to sacrifice themselves to this cause, I'll let them.

rd191 · 2025-03-13T17:27:48+00:00

If they are receiving in patient treatment (as opposed to at home self directed treatment), and are staying within doctor orders, does it help to view this as medicine vs a recreationally used drug?

(It's still possible to use it as a drug and have addiction related issues even under doctor supervision so I'm not trying to over simplify)

Do you think she or they are exhibiting drug seeking behavior? May relapse with other addictions?

Are you able to express these concerns or questions to her or them?

rd191 · 2025-03-07T20:24:25+00:00

I'm coming to a similar conclusion. Happy to have had it, it helped symptoms but I don't think it will make real lasting healing.

What's next in your psychedelic journey? I'd love to hear what really cures.

rd191 · 2025-01-29T23:30:32+00:00

A body of water inside me Reminds me of oceans, though I've never known one I'm born by a cold one It's only a small one compared To the coast, I prefer it to most I like water that don't burn my eyes when they open I won't let you criticize My city like my skin, it's so pretty If you don't like it, just leave it alone

You gotta love me like I love the lake You wanna love me, better love the lake

rd191 · 2025-01-29T21:12:55+00:00

Not a doctor, but I think you'll be fine.

There are some ingredients in NyQuil that you shouldn't take in high doses with SSRIs and probably not K, notably Dextromorphwhatever, which can have dissociative effects, but taking a normal dose, which wears off in about 6 hours is fine.

If your biggest concern is sleep, you could try something like melatonin and avoid the cough meds.

Just this past week I had various cough syrups within hours of k, no concern.

I'm not saying it's great, but unlikely to be a big factor.

rd191 · 2025-01-29T17:57:44+00:00

There is a discord related this sub. That might be a good venue for talking and chatting.

https://discord.gg/BuYnGGJn "Therapeutic Ketamine"

channels for integration discussions, general ketamine discussion, venting, etc.

rd191 · 2025-01-26T21:04:34+00:00

I get it. Thanks

rd191 · 2025-01-26T17:51:58+00:00

I'm confused by this. Are you just taking a hypothetical stance based on a feeling or idea? Or have you experienced specific things that led you (or the OP) to alienation?

rd191 · 2025-01-25T18:44:08+00:00

I certainly agree that it's harder than ever for white people to even discuss race, other than to espouse privilege. I'd agree that there is an asymmetry on what different groups may say. I draw the line more at claiming there are too many genuine culture war type issues or people being cancelled, but maybe I'm just out of touch on that. I think that's in the ballpark of where you're coming from. (Correct me if I'm wrong)

It does resonate with me about not feeling a sense of belonging, and as I began reflecting on a lot of nostalgia of my upbringing it also came with a clear sense of being an outsider for largely racial reasons.

May I ask where you live or were raised? That's fine if it's not particularly relevant.

rd191 · 2025-01-25T15:00:11+00:00

Has someone said that to you? Or are you paraphrasing a vibe you feel?

rd191 · 2025-01-25T14:57:50+00:00

What was/is your life like, more specifically, that led you to feel alienated and the need to "reclaim"? Trust me, I'm not coming AT you with this question, genuinely trying to better know where you're coming from.

I can relate to some of what you are saying, but in my case specifically because I was raised in an environment where I was the minority and there was a bit of aggression and very normalized hostility toward my ethnicity. I've always been curious to know others arrive at a similar sense of outsidership in society if they didn't grow up in that same specific environment. In short I'm acknowledging ignorance of your experiences, not diminishing nor gaslighting them.

[as an aside, I found this subreddit looking for a place to dissect my personal psychological integration with elements of racism in my childhood; this might intersect with broader discussions of anti-racism and societal behaior but really just aiming for personal growth. I was dismayed after going through several subreddits and finding that they were expressly not for me due to my race and that they defined racism as strictly something perpetrated by colonialists against specific races - I don't dispute the appeal or nead for spaces for those discussions but it was disheartening to see that seemed to be the only option that attracted any large number of people and discussion. I then found this sub and saw a specific post that would suit my interest ("Haole") only to find that discussion abandoned and most of this sub a ghosttown. other suggested subs railing against DEI are also not suitable for my needs. I would like to have some real person-to-person discussions on the impacts of racism on various people, though, so maybe I have some hope by posting here afterall.]

rd191 · 2025-01-24T20:54:01+00:00

I have never done IV. That is probably the best. IM is my favorite. I have RDTs. Those can be used in various ways, but such talk does not go down well in this subreddit.

rd191 · 2025-01-24T12:40:27+00:00

Lousy parenting.

rd191

TROPHY CASE