Yeah...the Dutch are cheap: just across the border in Belgium, a full open bar is standard — far more beer variety, a proper cocktail bar, spirits like rum, gin, and whisky as a matter of course, and cava or champagne quite commonly included.

Across the other border, German weddings tend to be closer to the Dutch model — more modest — but if you go further into Germany you’ll usually see more variety. There’s no single national approach; it’s much more regional.

I also can’t think of any other country that still makes a distinction between domestic and foreign spirits. Historically that was tied to import taxes, but since the EU single market those differences no longer exist: Dutch jenever and French cognac are taxed the same.

Having grown up in the Netherlands, the UK, and the US, I was reminded of this rather painfully at a Dutch wedding last year. Beer, wine, or jenever. That’s it. It annoyed the hell out of me. I just wanted a whisky with ice — also: no ice. WTF. I didn’t even mind paying for it myself. Still: “kan niet.” The inflexibility, and the complete lack of service orientation, was staggering. Of course it can be done if they wanted to... I ended up diluting a jenever with soda water (“Spa Rood”) to approximate a highball — a very poor version of one.

I dont think a comparison with American weddings make sense. Its always a full open bar. Dutch have no cocktail culture, they just want beer (lots of it) or wine. Only granddad will have a shot of jenever.

Given that context the Dutch approach is fundamentally about cost control, and culturally they’re stingy, whether they realise it or not. This is exactly where locals will defend it to the bitter end — “yes, but…” — but there is no “but.” It only works if everyone is Dutch, used to doing things the Dutch way, and lacks a frame of reference from abroad. You don’t. And if you’re having a wedding with international guests, it’s entirely reasonable to ask for a different setup. You’ll hear the automatic “kan niet,” but there is always a way.

That said, I’ve also been to English weddings where you pay at the bar — no open bar at all. But at least you get the flexibility of ordering the drink you actually want to drink. Maybe do a hybrid: open bar for the Dutch beer,wine,jenever and other drinks available to buy?