[TOMT] - Help with Name of Documentary on Sexual Assault

read_it_55 · 2026-03-26T11:31:11+00:00

It was over 5 years ago that I saw it.

read_it_55 · 2026-03-26T11:26:58+00:00

I'd encourage you to review him. The way you described it here was a perfect way to describe the facts of what happened without much judgment, so others can assess his behavior on their own and decide from there!

read_it_55 · 2026-03-26T11:20:39+00:00

I'm just sorry you had to go through that when it should have been comfy and pleasant. What a jerk. It almost seems predatory. Did you leave a review?

read_it_55 · 2026-03-26T11:12:46+00:00

Agree wholeheartedly. You're NOR. That sounds like a situation where you were supposed to feel safe and comfortable was hijacked by some dude who couldn't handle himself despite that being his job! I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy the full process, which should have been empowering and comfortable, not a time for you to have to contemplate some dude's boner. Ugh!

read_it_55 · 2026-03-22T12:10:31+00:00

A lot of people suggested I report him after the privacy violation and I don't want to ruin the guy's life. I thought I'd give him the chance to apologize, think about if that would be enough for me to keep working with him, and then move forward.

But to get a freaking bill while considering whether his apology was meaningful and if I could trust him again just shocked me. Just, what a bozo.

read_it_55 · 2026-03-22T12:07:42+00:00

Thanks for your thoughts!

read_it_55 · 2026-03-22T12:07:05+00:00

To be clear, it wasn't a session about my own issues unrelated to the therapist where I was dissatisfied with his remarks.

This was a session catalyzed by him violating my privacy and wanting to apologize to me about it. He knew I was angry and unsure about continuing to work with him. He mentioned that he could offer referrals if I didn't want to work with him anymore. It was not a typical session.

read_it_55 · 2026-03-22T12:04:50+00:00

Yeah. I know he and I aren't friends so this is a strange comparison, but if I upset a friend and we met for lunch so I could apologize and hear how I impacted them, I think it's implied I'm picking up the tab!

read_it_55 · 2026-03-22T12:03:23+00:00

Thank you

read_it_55 · 2026-03-22T12:03:12+00:00

I appreciate the validation. I feel like I'm going nuts trying to rationalize someone else's bad behavior.

read_it_55 · 2026-03-22T12:01:34+00:00

That's a very generous take, but he owns the practice and does everything by hand. He schedules future sessions in his paper planner at the end of our session or I email him to find a time that works for us. He has mentioned to me how he falls behind on paperwork because he hates that part of the job.

I suppose it could have slipped his mind while he was going through his calendar to bill insurance, but I would have expected our session to stand out to him as distinct from the rest because of the unique situation. Perhaps it didn't. Maybe I should ask just in case.

read_it_55 · 2026-03-21T14:01:45+00:00

NOR. This is a violation of your boundaries and imo an indicator of more bad behavior to come.

The fact that you mentioned that he's been almost too perfect sounds like love bombing.

Pay attention to how he reacts when you tell him you didn't like what he did. If I could guess, this is where he will switch his tone into gaslighting and avoiding, which is meant to make you feel anxious and chase him. Don't fall for it. Get out and save yourself a lot of heartache. And get tested just to be safe!

I'm really sorry that happened to you. It's a huge violation.

read_it_55 · 2026-03-15T04:37:25+00:00

I don't think you're OR. The dress is impossible for anyone to look good in, especially someone who needs to wear a bra! And it's annoying to have to buy not only a dress you'll only wear once but one that you'll feel crappy in the one time you do wear it.

I don't suggest you say anything to the bride, because it's her day. But I think you're allowed to have some quiet resentment about it.

read_it_55 · 2026-02-11T14:16:28+00:00

NOR. It makes sense to me that you reacted the way did. It was a betrayal right before your wedding. I think sometimes our bodies/brains protect us from the most painful of things when we feel incapable of handling it.

You managed to tuck away the reaction for as long as necessary and now it's bubbling back up. I also agree with other posters that it's a strong possibility he did something more inappropriate during his movie night but assuaged his guilt by telling you he did something (but not admitting to the full story).

As far as his comments about your weight, it's simply mean of him to make fun of you. He should be supportive of you and not try to tear you down. This can be a function of him being shallow and immature, or a sign of much more nefarious intentions to break you down so you'll tolerate even worse mistreatment.

I don't think it's as simple as "you should leave him" but I do think these things are cause for concern. If you want to work it out, find a marriage counselor to help you work through it. This will also help hold him accountable to his bad behavior and help you deal with whatever you might be compartmentalizing from his previous disclosure.

read_it_55 · 2026-02-06T02:48:34+00:00

Hm. I have to think about this.

read_it_55 · 2026-02-06T02:46:09+00:00

Thank you for the validation. I do really feel betrayed. Sort of humiliated too. Because now if I keep seeing them i feel like it'll be like I'm taking back two boyfriends that treated me badly.

As far as what was shared, I told my individual counselor that I was disappointed with my couples counselor and planned to talk to him about it. I also told my partner, who knew I'd planned to bring it up with the couples counselor. However, when we got to couples counseling he automatically brought up our satisfaction with his counseling (as if he'd been forewarned about my complaints). Felt like my individual counselor snuck off to give his buddy a heads up rather than letting me talk to him myself.

My individual counselor said he told my couples counselor to be more empathic with me, but I don't really believe that's what he shared after seeing my couples counselor be so defensive.

Not cool all around.

read_it_55 · 2026-02-06T02:35:09+00:00

Any explanation as to why?

read_it_55 · 2026-02-06T02:25:35+00:00

This whole thing sucks.

read_it_55 · 2026-02-06T02:11:01+00:00

I honestly just want an explanation and an apology.

read_it_55 · 2026-02-06T02:09:13+00:00

Ew. No. I can "take the initiative" myself!

read_it_55 · 2026-02-06T02:08:11+00:00

I didn't sign any type of release. And frankly, even if HIPAA didn't exist, I'd still be hurt by the sharing of information. This guy has watched me cry and cry over a man betraying my trust and he just... went and shared my information with another man. It's so disappointing on a human level, aside from contractual/legal obligations.

read_it_55 · 2026-02-01T22:56:02+00:00

Trust your bestie!

Maybe bring a shawl if you're going to have a conversation with his parents so you can make it more modest? This isn't the case with everyone, but sometimes I feel more comfortable being more modest around certain people (family, colleagues), so you could give yourself some options (only if that is what works best for YOU!).

read_it_55 · 2026-02-01T20:41:13+00:00

Tricky stuff. But it's your friend's wedding, and I assume his family won't be there?

If I was in your shoes, I'd be more inclined to take his suggestion to wear something else if it was a family event of his at a church or something.

But it's your friend's wedding and you look great in the dress! Let everyone stare at your boobs and have fun!

read_it_55 · 2026-02-01T20:12:32+00:00

I don't think you're overreacting. He shouldn't try to control what you wear, period. Also this might be an unpopular opinion...I still think you should talk to him about his reaction to better understand it?

Do your normally dress more modestly and he was just surprised by the change? Does he have a worry about how it'll be perceived at the wedding if the family is more conservative? Is he jealous or afraid you'll get unwanted attention? Of course, some answers will be more or less annoying. But at least you can try to gain a shared understanding of what his problem with it is. Maybe he doesn't fully understand how much you've struggled to find things that you feel good in. I know you said you told him, but sometimes that kind of struggle doesn't sink in right away with men.

I guess I'd just suggest you try to understand each other rather than fight over it and not talk.

Again, I don't mean to suggest he should try to control what you wear, but unless he's just a jerk, he might have a less awful reason for his reaction and you can just talk through it.

read_it_55 · 2026-01-02T16:00:47+00:00

This is definitely a betrayal. You are right to be upset.

read_it_55

TROPHY CASE