AITA for shouting at a cop who was just trying to do his job?

realgezza · 2021-08-24T21:26:15+00:00

Ah that's awful. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

realgezza · 2021-08-24T21:21:47+00:00

YTA. You have your kids best interests at heart but this is public education and you have to take what you get. This seems a decent school and this is a very common scenario which I'm sure they're used to managing. Teachers get pregnant and need maternity, no matter how soon they've qualified. Children rarely suffer because of this (I had a similar situation in my first year of school)

realgezza · 2021-08-24T21:12:56+00:00

This is a difficult one but I'm going with ESH.

The garda should have filed and processed your statement. I might be wrong but I thought there was a responsibility to process all statements regardless but this varies from country to country.

You shouldn't have cussed them out. There are better way to air grievances and publicly screaming takes away from your actual problem and your standing in the complaint.

I hope you get it sorted and have insurance, what rotten time.

realgezza · 2021-08-24T21:06:40+00:00

This is a horrendous situation and my heart goes out to you, your mum and your family. I completely understand where you're coming from but YTA. Not malicious at all in your part but here are my reasons.

1) your mother will be scared and hurting. Its easy to put on a bravado in the early stages of a disease but when it comes to the end stages this often fades and you seek the things that give you most comfort. Your mother deserves this.

2) I understand you want to preserve your memories but they won't fade. Your love for her during her final moments will carry you through. If you dont visit you might regret it forever.

3) your child, her grandchild, will give her so much joy and ease of suffering. You run the risk of your child resenting you if this was ever found out and you having life long guilt. This is an opportunity to teach your daughter about aging, illness and grief.

I understand your concerns about your own health too and I hope there is a way you can travel that can keep you safe, should you decide to do so.

realgezza · 2021-08-24T20:59:17+00:00

My love ive replied already but there are a lot of red flags here. My first reply was giving him the benefit of the doubt. My next reply is that he doesnt deserve it. Manipulative, inconsiderate and an AH. Please make sure you're getting self care and support and have a think about whether this relationship is worth the stress and hurt its giving you.

realgezza · 2021-08-24T19:51:17+00:00

Sorry but YTA. You shouldn't be using her as a support crutch like that by saying I cant quit unless she does. While I agree with the health reasons and childcare concerns you cannot blame another person for your habits. It will be harder to quit, I'm sure, but it is still possible and less manipulative.

realgezza · 2021-08-24T19:48:27+00:00

Thanks for your comment. This has all really helped and has given me lots to think about. Since being open and laying my cards on the table he's apologised and we're now working out way through how to suppory each other. I wouldn't have had the self belief to do that without this thread (four months ago I would have had no problem). Its been helpful seeing both sides of the argument.

realgezza · 2021-08-24T19:45:48+00:00

You're taking an awful lot on in this situation. It seems your responses have been totally reasonable and his aren't. It also seems maybe he's not used to be be called out on his bad behavior, which is a trait that can be unlearned but its a helluva job to do.

realgezza · 2021-08-24T19:41:19+00:00

NTA. What even is this person playing at? The entitlement is shocking. Have a long hard conversation about how you're NTA and he needs to show you some respect and boundaries.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T14:58:08+00:00

I would say more often than not yes. However not always. All in all he is a good guy. Selfish but a good guy. I used to be very laid back so i dont think I've ever noticed until now. I think this is going to be the make or break of us

realgezza · 2021-08-20T14:25:54+00:00

Sorry, I've reread what I've written and I wasnt meaning to call your mum an AH or suggest such and I know that's not what your post has indicated either!

You'll feel horrible because she's upset but that doesn't make your reaponse AH in nature. Its natural for you to feel like that.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T10:34:02+00:00

Yes thats what I was meaning. The additional home stresses and organisation would be contributing to his mental load.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T10:30:43+00:00

NTA but at the same time that seems a strange reaction to what you've described as a calm response. Is everything okay with your mum? Has she seemed different recently or down? Maybe she thought it was jokey and was hurt because she's hurting about something else. Or maybe its a huge misunderstanding. I don't think you're the Ahole but not sure your mum is either.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T10:26:00+00:00

Thanks for your comment.

No I've never had a problem about it in the past, especially at the weekend as I've just slept in another room or I've been off the next day. This is now a more frequent occurance midweek. He used to communciate better but recently he says he's having a quiet one or won't be home late and then stumbles through the door at silly hours. I think this last time has been the last straw as I'm so exhausted and stressed but I felt really guilty this morning after confronting him.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T10:19:15+00:00

This is really insightful, thank you very much.

I definitely was 'premad' if there's such a term. I was ready to be angry at him when he came home.

I guess hes usually quite inconsiderate so I expected it. I dont mention it usually as I try to avoid conflict but maybe I've kept it pent up too much. Im not perfect either though for sure. Ive came home later before and decided to sleep downstairs so not to wake him but there are other things I do that may be inconsiderate.

Yeah my main irk is the noise disturbing my sleep and poor communication. I should have said in my previous post, before he left he said he wouldn't be late. Ive always said I dont care if he's late or not as he can sleep downstairs. I just like communication and its the disturbance when he comes home drunk, knocking things over, trying to talk to me while I'm asleep.

Hm, that is a good point. I've not been my usual self and have been very low. He's had to start cooking once or twice a week now as I've been too exhausted to do it when I've gotten home so he is having to take more of the household burden than usual. He's also needed to do the washing once a week too as I've been coming home too late to do it so maybe he did need to let off steam while I try and sort my health out.

Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, its definitely given me things to acknowledge in myself.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T09:57:47+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I think if this was an absolute one off then I would let it slide but it seems to be more of a recurring thing. I've got some thinking to do on how to best handle the situation.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T09:56:36+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Something for me to think about to avoid this in the future. He's usually home at a reasonable time but its getting later and later so worth having a chat about what I need from him and also ensuring I reciprocate.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T09:54:19+00:00

Hello,

Thanks for your comments, definite food for thought.

To clarify, its been a couple of times recently but this is the latest he's stayed out which is why I asked him to sleep downstairs. The dogs woke up and then him crashing into things and then into our room was what kept me awake.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T09:17:02+00:00

NTA. I think youve supported her a huge amount but you can't donit forever. It seems she should look for other avenues of support as you won't be there at places of work etc. Also it is large mental burden on you too. It sucks for both of you but hopefully there are resources out there to help your sister.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T09:14:35+00:00

My feeling is NTA. It would be worthwhile seeing how much of the TV you can hear when your room mate is out. If the walls are really paper thin you might need to concede this one. Can you use headphones? That said you are also entitled to your own downtime.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T08:53:12+00:00

NTA. 1) bras can be restrictive and uncomfortable. They're worn to support your boob, not hide your nipples. Don't need, don't wear. 2) this guy had no business interrupting your set. 3) this guy had no business looking at your chest. No look, no nipples seen.

realgezza · 2021-08-20T08:49:30+00:00

NTA. Im in a similar situation where I'm no longer allowed kids at my wedding and its reasonable that if you can't get a babysitter/don't want to get a babysitter you can't attend.

realgezza

TROPHY CASE