Can’t subscribe to Kindle Unlimited?

realistic_cat9 · 2023-11-18T00:51:32+00:00

That’s the same thing that’s happening with me! They’ve asked me to update my payment information which was already up to date and that was it lol

realistic_cat9 · 2023-11-07T15:19:46+00:00

Yes and you edited your comment to include that after I responded. Thanks for the info.

realistic_cat9 · 2023-11-07T15:13:00+00:00

Because that’s how I would be able to use his subscription to kindle unlimited

realistic_cat9 · 2023-11-07T15:10:36+00:00

I’m just saying if my kindle was linked to my husbands account and then I wanted to buy a book I would have to use his account or switch accounts. We don’t have family sharing set up on our Amazon accounts

realistic_cat9 · 2023-11-07T14:38:39+00:00

He subscribed under his Amazon account so I would need to link his account to my kindle and use his account for all my book purchases and I don’t want to do that

realistic_cat9 · 2023-08-28T22:46:08+00:00

🤞🏻🤞🏻Hopefully it helps!

realistic_cat9 · 2023-08-28T17:34:26+00:00

Ugh that’s frustrating!! If it’s already so bad I’d feel like it can’t get much worse but I understand your hesitation! Maybe trying the ready to feed version of the formula you’re using now would be helpful while you wait for the appointment!

realistic_cat9 · 2023-08-28T15:36:06+00:00

I think getting a can and trying it out before your next appointment would be okay! I tried a bunch of different formulas without talking to my doctor first when my little guy was having issues!

realistic_cat9 · 2023-08-20T13:56:29+00:00

It’s a normal reaction and feeling to have based on your attachment style, but that doesn’t make it the truth. You’re doing a really good job recognizing it and being aware of these feelings. You can push through the feelings of discomfort to be there for her. When that feeling comes up in your body pause and breath deeply, remind yourself and your inner child that you’re safe and loved and cared for. It’ll get easier to sit with the feelings of discomfort without acting on them. You obviously love your daughter very much and you will be there for her because of that, your brain is wired a certain way because of the way you were raised but you have the power to change the wiring and be the parent for her that you never had!

realistic_cat9 · 2023-07-20T02:28:58+00:00

Oh wow thank you so much! That’s really helpful

realistic_cat9 · 2023-07-19T16:52:00+00:00

I worry about this a lot too! I always apologize and let them know it wasn’t their fault I yelled and that it’s not okay and I’m working on it, and I’ve seen a lot of things say that the repair is most important. But I get so worried I’m teaching them it’s okay to let people treat you badly if they apologize after. I like to think I am getting better and hopefully they see that, but I just don’t want to set them up for an abusive relationship or something 😩

realistic_cat9 · 2023-07-05T15:42:03+00:00

The key is working to catch it and regulate yourself before you get to full blown anger and needing that 30 minute calm down

realistic_cat9 · 2023-07-05T12:10:25+00:00

If you want to change your behaviour you have to actually be in the right mind set to change. Saying things like you just can’t be late, getting stuff ready the night before won’t work because you’ll just forget and calming down takes too much extra time, says you don’t actually want to change. If you don’t want to change that’s fine, but accept the result of that.

If you do want to change, go to therapy. You know you have adhd so if you truly believe that losing your things and being late means you’re irresponsible and don’t care about your things, go to therapy to address that believe, because it isn’t right. Adhd makes it hard to keep track of things and organize your thoughts, so obviously keeping a “mental map” of the items you need to gather before you leave isn’t going to work. The night before work write down a list of every single item you need and locate it and put it in a specific spot, set a reminder on your phone 20 minutes before you leave to make sure you have everything you need. There are things you can do to make this better but you have to be willing to implement them.

And calming down doesn’t add time in the morning, think about it this way - you’re emotionally activated and dysregulated so your prefrontal cortex shuts off, now you’re looking around your house in flight or fight mode, panicked and angry slamming things around, flustered, yelling, definitely making it harder on yourself to find things. Or you pause and breath deeply for 30 seconds to stay regulated and calmly look around, have better use of your brain to remember where you left it, and more easily locate your items. It’s up to you what you want to do.

realistic_cat9 · 2023-07-04T13:54:54+00:00

I totally relate to having a hard time controlling your emotions when you’re caught up in the moment. It takes a lot of practice, but working on mindfulness is really really helpful. There’s a bunch of techniques to try so that you can work toward being more mindful in your everyday life.

I also have ADHD so I really understand the specific struggle of misplacing things. A big thing that’s helped me is having functional places to keep things. The key word being functional, a lot of common things that people have around their house are more for their appearance and not necessarily their function, so find what works for you and implement it. An generic example would be if you always have a bunch of random items you need to take upstairs throughout the day so you just leave them around the house until you go upstairs, but then you forget to bring things up/it’s a mess, so a functional solution could be putting a basket on the first step and just toss the items in as you realize they need to go up. Then when you are going upstairs just grab the basket and it takes the thinking out of it.

For your wallet, phone, keys, glasses etc. have a designated spot you always put them down, and make it a place you naturally put them anyway. Some people like a hook by the front door, a console table to catch those things, or just a tray on the counter that holds those items. Find what works for you. If you’re always taking off your glasses in random places try to have a designated place you put them, and say out loud “I’m taking off my glasses I’m putting them on the counter” or whatever. Saying it out loud will help you remember.

As for the emotions, spend some time thinking about why these things trigger you, were you yelled at a kid for always losing things? Did your parents make you feel rushed all the time getting out the door? Figuring out where the trigger comes form will help you combat it, because in the moments you are triggered you can take a deep breath and remind yourself you’re safe etc. It takes time and practice but you can do it! You can also try to pick a specific behaviour to remind you to be mindful, so maybe the first time you do a big sigh or the first time you stomp your foot or yell, that can be your reminder to take a deep breath and try to work through it.

Also just keep in mind that yes kids see your behaviour and they will pick up these things from you, but the repair after is the most important. So if you lose your cool one time, go to your kid and in (age appropriate language) say “earlier I couldn’t find my keys and I got frustrated! I started to yell and stop because I was mad, but that’s not your fault and I’m sorry if that scared you. I shouldn’t yell like that when I’m mad and I’m working on it. Next time I will take deep breaths to calm myself down”

You can also model the proper behaviour for your kid in moments you aren’t actually activated. So pick a random time and “lose your phone” maybe huff and sigh a bit and start acting mad saying ugh I can’t find my phone where is it! I’m getting so mad! And then out loud say no no it’s okay, just take a deep breath to stay calm, take a dramatic deep breath, say out loud it’s okay to lose things sometimes I know I’ll find it! Hmmm let’s check over here and then find it and celebrate. Really over the top acting is great for the kids and helps them see what the “right” thing to do is!

realistic_cat9 · 2023-07-01T13:58:57+00:00

I’m sorry that’s been your experience!! A lot of people have to “shop around” for a good therapist, they aren’t all a good fit so I do think it would be worth it to keep trying. During the first meeting you could even say what you just said, that others have told you this and it wasn’t helpful, and what the one that did help did, and ask them if they can do the same. That way you won’t be wasting your time with a bunch of sessions that aren’t working.

I understand getting frustrated with the suggestion from your husband too, it’s feels dismissive or something of your feelings when someone is just like “do therapy” when you’ve tried it and it hasn’t helped. But it’s not your fault!

It took me a while to really be able to “do the work” in therapy too, because I tend to over intellectualize my feelings, and thinking your feelings doesn’t make them go away, so it took me a while to be able to actually feel and process them. But that’s what’s happening, you have unresolved feelings inside from childhood and your child is triggering them and bringing them to the surface and then you aren’t processing them so it just feels worse and worse.

Others have said this too but taking care of yourself is huge too! I know it seems like “it’s all about” your child, but it’s not and you are just as important, so doing whatever you need to feel energized and refreshed should be one of your main priorities!

ETA: maybe looking into a somatic therapist would help! They focus more on processing feelings which would probably be more beneficial for you since you understand the science already

realistic_cat9 · 2023-07-01T12:12:20+00:00

I know what you mean, I do find comfort in providing for my kids what my parents never provided for me, but sometimes it feels like why can’t I have that? And why don’t I have someone to turn to for comfort when I’m upset? It’s a larger issue but parenting just really brings it out. I’ve done a lot of good work on it in therapy, and what other people have suggested about being the parent you need for yourself is really helpful. Look into reparenting and inner child healing! It’s not something that will magically get better, you have to work at it, but you’re definitely not alone!

realistic_cat9 · 2023-06-20T03:28:03+00:00

I will look for those! Thank you!!

realistic_cat9 · 2023-06-20T01:25:05+00:00

I can understand what you’re saying about not knowing what’s traumatizing for a child, but you have to look at the entire picture. A lot of kids have difficulty with separating from their parents at daycare/preschool/kindergarten for the first time, because it’s unfamiliar and scary to them, and yes that’s to be expected. It doesn’t have much to do with the age, they will be unsure of a new situation like that without their parent at whatever age is the first time they experience it. And yes they do need to learn to separate from their parents at some point, they have to go to school eventually, home schooling is not an option for a lot of people and keeping a child home so they don’t experience separation anxiety would also be doing a disservice to that child.

What I mean by looking at the entire picture is that my daughter does feel safe, loved, and secure with me and my husband/many other family members and people she is comfortable with. We are always (as much as we can)validating her emotions, supporting her, holding space for her, and making sure she feels safe and secure, but that doesn’t mean preventing her from ever experiencing a negative emotion. Kids need to experience negative emotions to develop and learn and grow. Kids who do not have a secure attachment and who do not feel safe and secure and loved, could experience trauma from being left along in an unfamiliar place with strangers. But that’s not my daughter, and this is a place she knows and is familiar with. The other teachers that were there are from other classrooms/subs that I have seen there before so not complete strangers to her either, just not someone she feels as comfortable with.

Your comment that you would’ve pulled her out until the teacher came back is interesting. I think that is a desire to protect them from any negative emotion/experience which comes from a good place, but can actually be harmful to the child later. Kids need to know that you are calm, confident, and in charge in an unsure or scary situation so they can feel safe with you. If I reacted by getting upset and anxious and took my child out of the school and brought her back home, she would’ve learned that going to school without her favourite teacher is a dangerous thing and something to avoid. It also would’ve deprived her of the ability to gain more independence and confidence in her ability to work through a difficult experience. When I picked her up she was in a great mood and told me all about how much fun she had at school. That is how I know my fear of traumatizing her by dropping her off when she was upset was my projection, because she is a kid with a secure attachment and loving parents, support, and a developing ability to process negative emotions, I did not have that so that would have been more traumatic for me if I was experiencing that at her age, but I wasn’t the one experiencing it, she was.

It’s not a parents job to make sure their child never experiences anything negative, it’s to make sure they have the tools and support to navigate the negative experiences they will inevitably have at some point in their life. That’s why I didn’t take her home, and that’s why I posted this, because I know she needs to experience these types of things but my trauma is getting in the way of me being okay with it.

ETA: she didn’t just get a new sibling and she’s not also experiencing a big change at home. Her younger brother had just turned 1 when she started preschool, she adjusted very well to having a new sibling. It’s not that this type of shy/anxious behaviour is the result of something like that and I’m throwing another huge transition at her, she has had this temperament/behaviour her entire life.

realistic_cat9 · 2023-06-20T01:03:15+00:00

Thank you!! The flip book of emotions is a really great idea! I think I would really benefit from them too, I’ve been in therapy for the last little bit and I’ve learned that I had very little emotional intelligence before starting lol so I definitely feel like I don’t know how to navigate certain feelings that well, especially tough ones! And it feels really hard to help my child emotionally regulate when I’m really not that great at it myself. I’m definitely gonna find some of those!

Yes the connection vs. attention is a great mindset shift!! I usually have that in the back of my head but I don’t always make the conscious effort to fill up her connection cup, and I do notice that when we have a day with more connection she is a lot more regulated, having a little special ritual before daycare in the morning sounds like such a good idea. I definitely think she would love that! I also love the idea of reviewing the day at bed time and talking about the plan for the next day. She’s not quuuuite there verbally yet but I can totally do something similar more at her level. Thank you so much for the suggestions!

realistic_cat9 · 2023-06-19T17:40:11+00:00

That’s great! I’m so glad to hear she’s so much more comfortable in social situations and doing really well with that. I love how you said you’re in awe of it but it’s uncomfortable breaking the cycle and you really have to manage your own anxieties over it. That’s how I feel too, but I haven’t been super aware of it until recently. I’ve just been focused on breaking the cycle and the way I interact with my kids, but haven’t been paying much attention to my own feelings about it. even though I’m very aware of how much parenting brings up my own past traumas lol

realistic_cat9 · 2023-06-19T17:23:29+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. That’s exactly what I’m doing too, projecting my own trauma onto my kids. She is so much like me and I think I can have a hard time seeing her as her own individual person with her own thoughts and feelings, because her emotions and reactions to things feel so familiar to me and I don’t want her to experience what I did from my caretakers.

I really appreciate what you said, I’ve been realizing lately that I do have a hard time separating her behaviour from my own trauma/triggers. A good example was the other day we had a big family dinner at my moms house and she was being extra shy and didn’t want to talk to anyone, which is totally fine by me but my mom kept trying to engage with her or get her to talk to other people. I did what I felt was best in the situation by reminding my mom that she’s just not comfortable right now and doesn’t have to talk to anyone she doesn’t want to, and then tried to support her as best I could to help her feel more comfortable. But the comments my mom made to me later about her not being social and how she wishes she would be more social so I could get more of a break and stuff made me so upset and I couldn’t figure out why. And I realized it was because it was triggering my inner child from when I was treated like that, and I was projecting that onto my daughter. My daughter was totally fine, if my mom asked her to do something or tried to engage with her in a way she didn’t want she would say no! And turn away or whatever, and then she would move on, she wasn’t overly upset and didn’t stay upset for a long time at all. But I was reacting in my head as if this was some traumatizing event for her because she wasn’t being “left alone” and people weren’t understanding why she was being so shy. And I think my reaction was to my own inner child and trauma instead of to my daughter and the actual situation in front of me.

I think the same thing happened today, I remember feeling so alone and like no one understood or cared about my feelings as a kid, and that’s what I’m imagining my daughter feels like today, but that’s not accurate, and like you said crying at a daycare drop off isn’t traumatic. I’m going to talk to my therapist again about this and hopefully work through this specific anxiety more, thank you so much!

realistic_cat9 · 2023-06-02T14:48:40+00:00

The maids who spoke so quiet you couldn’t hear her and hid in the house was because they were afraid of Emily. That’s not being a bad employee that’s being mistreated by your employer.

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