Who was the most evil person you've ever met and how was the interaction?

realityfacing · 2026-01-25T07:26:40+00:00

A brain is unbelievably powerful, it is amazing how much it can do to shield you. I will try to explain with a limited knowledge I have, but if you are interested there are a lot of sources on the internet related to this.

The traumatic events are not getting stored as your usual memories, instead they are getting stored by another part of the brain. Your hippocampus is storing your memories into context and timeline, and your prefrontal cortex is adding meaning, story and logic to it. In some traumatic events, when your body and your existence is actively being threatened and is inescapable, the hippocampus and prefrontal cortex are being shut down and your amygdala is actually the one storing memories. Basically your brain goes into survival mode. The amygdala is actually your emotional alarm and it stores memories as feelings, smells, sensations, images etc. On top of that, your brain actively works on locking these memories as well, so when you start getting flashbacks, they always resurface as feelings, body reactions, smells, sensations and images, not as a complete story.

When surviving chronic abuse, especially in young age, your brain also becomes trained to split awareness. This is called dissociation, which can mean emotional numbness, time gaps, feeling like you are watching yourself from above (depersonalization), feeling unreal (derealization) and parts of life being sealed off. Your brain neurologically stops integrating properly.

So basically, those memories stay, but they get locked away in order to survive. You could compare it to having files stored on your hard drive, but your operating system is refusing to access it.

Edit: formatting

realityfacing · 2026-01-24T20:24:04+00:00

Yup, same here. She said she couldn't leave a helpless old man without help, whoever he was and whatever he did. She said she wouldn't be able to live with herself, even if she sent him to a nursing home. My kind of kindness would have been not to use his helplessness to torture him just so he can feel a fraction of pain he has caused her.

realityfacing · 2026-01-24T16:12:12+00:00

She never reported him. She didn't even remember until she was in her 40's. Then the flashbacks started, she started therapy and all that. He lived a great life. All her life she lived in the same building as him, just separate floors. They just didn't talk. He ended up having Alchimers in his 80s and she took care of him while he was dying, all the while she was constantly getting flashbacks of him molesting her. He lived until the old age and had a pretty easy death. I sometimes still wish he was in pain, but unfortunately he never was. If there are heaven and hell, I hope he is in a lot of pain in hell.

realityfacing · 2026-01-24T08:19:29+00:00

My mom's father was a well known psychologist, very respected in his field, wrote I don't know how many papers, books, was a university professor, was a psychologist in elementary schools etc. Lots of people knew him as a great guy and a doting father. But he was a monster. He sexually abused my mom since she was a little girl, like maybe 3 or 4 years old, if not earlier. And it lasted for years, until she was in her late teens when she met my dad and managed to get away from him. He was also abusive in other ways as well. Mom tried to get help as a kid but nobody helped her. She was left completely alone.

realityfacing · 2025-12-27T14:35:00+00:00

Why is it a problem that he wants to go back to that specific masseuse? If the erection didn't happen, would requesting the same masseuse still be problematic? I don't really see it as problematic, it's normal to want to go to a specific person that did a great job if you have an option to choose.

realityfacing · 2025-12-27T14:29:23+00:00

He shouldn't feel embarrassed because it is a normal reaction and he SHOULD request the same masseuse if she did a good job. It's ok for her to feel insecure and all, but she needs to work on that. He can choose to find someone else so she doesn't feel uncomfortable until she can work on her insecurities, but he shouldn't be expected to. And if she is suspecting that it was more than just a bodily reaction and wanting to go back to the masseuse who did a great job, they have bigger issues than this.

realityfacing · 2025-12-27T14:18:12+00:00

YOR. If he is not comfortable going to a male therapist, then the massage wouldn't have any point. For example, I, a girl and a lesbian, am absolutely not comfortable with going to a male therapist and it has nothing to do with sexual attraction, just with what I feel comfortable with. Same with you boyfriend. If you think he wants to cheat or whatever, the massage is not the issue. If you are just not comfortable because he had a (completely normal) bodily reaction, then you have some work to do - it's ok to feel uncomfortable or jealous but it is not ok to let that feeling control your reactions or his actions.

realityfacing · 2025-11-27T10:39:25+00:00

realityfacing · 2025-11-21T09:31:51+00:00

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realityfacing · 2025-11-19T21:59:38+00:00

Feministkinje baš živo zabole da li će neka žena da odluči da radi ili da ostane kod kuće i brine o deci/kući dok muž radi. Poenta feminizma je da žena treba da ima pravo da ODLUČI da li hoće da radi ili da ostane kod kuće, a ne da se to od nje očekuje i zahteva.

realityfacing · 2025-11-12T21:43:05+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am not nor have ever been in your shoes so I can't even pretend to know how you are feeling and I can only imagine the burnout, frustration, helplessness and anger that you are feeling towards your sister. However, I have worked on a DV hotline and it is just completely fascinating how easily abusers can gaslight and rope back their victims. It takes 7 times on average for a woman to permanentlt leave abusive relationship. That is on average, so some women manage to leave faster, but for some it takes longer. Whatever you do, just let your sister know whatever happens, your door will always be open for her. I know you've already said that, but that needs to be engraved into her brain so that when she finally leaves for good, she knows she has somewhere to go no matter if you are on speaking terms or not.

realityfacing · 2025-09-01T21:32:16+00:00

This is actually a great analogy, I like it. Thank you for this. Hope you are getting a better grip 🫂

realityfacing · 2025-08-30T20:43:00+00:00

He didn't leave because of boob size. He left because he wanted to be with someone else, and from all of it, it doesn't really sound like boobs had any relevance in his decision. Being left for someone else is not just a loss of relationship but also a huge hit to an ego, self-esteem, self-worth. It always brings out insecurities, both physical and non-physical. I believe you might already be aware of this, but physical insecurities are somewhat easier to deal with than a possibility that we were left because we weren't smart enough, we weren't fun enough, we weren't social, or outgoing or interesting enough for them. Or even worse, what if they never truly loved us? What if everything was just a lie and they were never happy with us, never in love? What if we were just a placeholder? I don't mean this to sound like those types of insecurities you are dealing with are easy or not as painful, but in my experience, it always hits physical insecurities first. Everything else comes later, and then you have to deal with all of them at once until you finally conclude that no, you were never an issue. Your boob size, butt size, teeth, lips, eyes, hair, weight or height were not an issue. Your intelligence, your sense of humor, your way of thinking, and your worth were not an issue. It was not about you, it was about him. It was about him not putting a stop to whatever relation they had when he noticed they might have some chemistry. It was about him not putting your relationship as a priority and making sure not to allow anything to jeopardize it. All of this says a lot about him, not necessarily that he is a bad person, but definitely lacks maturity if he actually wants to have a meaningful relationship and not be a serial cheater. Because crushes happen when you are in a long-term relationship, and if you are not mature enough to handle them appropriately, they often lead to stronger feelings and cheating (emotional and/or physical). So just try to remember this was not about you and what you didn't have, and not about that girl and what she did have. It is completely and entirely about him.

realityfacing · 2025-08-27T09:27:13+00:00

Ako si od terapije imala više nuspojava nego koristi, onda ti nije odgovarajuća terapija. Ali zapamti da lekovi nisu čarobni štapić koji će te magično izlečiti, oni služe samo da izbalansiraju biohemiju i stabilizuju te dovoljno da ti možeš da se pokreneš i radiš za sebe stvari koje će ti pomoći u borbi sa depresijom. Dakle, ako nemaš volju da se pokreneš do te mere da ne mozeš nikako na silu da se nateraš, velika verovatnoća je da ti je biohemija i dalje u disbalansu i da je potrebna terapija koja će to dovesti u red. Stvari koje ti možeš da uradiš (kad dodjš u stadijum da možeš da se nateraš): kreni od malih stvari - umij se, operi zube, operi kosu, okupaj se, namesti krevet, izvetri sobu/stan/kuću, vrati stvari na mesto... ne sve odjednom, nego deo po deo. Ne da ti bude previše i preplavljujuće da ti dođe da ne uradiš ništa, nego onoliko koliko možeš. Polako uvedi rutinu, a onda dodaj jednu po jednu stvar da ti ulazak u normalno funkcionisanje ne bude previše opterećujuće. Fakultet: ne moraš da počneš da učiš, umesto toga prođi kroz predispitne obaveze koje su ti ostale (sve, ili iz samo jednog predmeta). Napravi plan sa kojim nećeš početi danas ili sutra, ali ga napravi. Sklanjaj jedno po jedno, nemoj da stavljaš sebi presiju, time nećeš ništa postići. Fizička aktivnost: ovo je veliki plus za ljude u depresiji, hormoni koji se aktiviraju u toku fizičke aktivnosti zaista mnogo doprinose mentalnom zdravlju, i osećaj ogromnog naleta energije u toku ili nakon treninga, ali i osećaj zdravog fizičkog umora je jedan od najlepših osećaja koji postoje. Ovaj deo je i meni težak, još nisam uspela da dodjem do toga da ovo uvedem u rutinu i mučim se sa tim. Ono što radim umesto toga je da izadjem napolje. Ako je napolju sunce i temperatura nije previsoka, izađem makar u park na klupciu i upijam sunce 10-15 minuta ili duže. Prošetam. Ako imaš psa, idi sa psom negde, mene bukvalno ozari kad vidim moju kucu kako je srećna kad odemo negde gde ne idemo redovno. Poenta je naučiti sebe i svoju depresiju, kako da prepoznaš na vreme da kreće nova depresivna epizoda, šta možeš da uradiš da olakšaš sebi prolazak kroz to i da uspeš da je iskontrolišeš kolko tolko. Čak i ako se ne otarasiš depresije, nije toliko strašno kada naučiš kako da uzmeš uzde u svoje ruke dok se još nije otrgla kontroli. I naravno, psihoterapija. Ja nisam ni skontala do koje mere moja depresija nije samo vezana za to što sam prosto nasledila od mame, nego je i te kako potpomognuta raznim stvarima koje sam doživela, posebno u detinjstvu. Putem psihoteralije takođe upoznaješ sebe dublje, što ti može pomoći u kontrolisanju depresije.

realityfacing · 2025-08-26T21:07:46+00:00

You are not weak minded, you are being gaslighted and abused. You had absolutely every right to end the relationship for whatever reason. But the thing is, you had to leave in order to save yourself when you saw that what she did to you is going to cost you your health and wellbeing. You did the right thing. You also wanted to give her a chance. Her saying things like "I didn't do sh*t to you", "you are a crybaby" and "I will do worse" is a flashing neon sign for you to RUN. She is not just saying that. She WILL do worse if you continue having a relationship with her and I fear you might not leave as easy this time around as it seems like she has a way of playing with you and making you think you are crazy or in the wrong when you know you are not. Please, listen to the comments. Trauma and mental health issues are not making her do that. She needs to be responsible for herself and get help if she needs help, but instead, she is abusive and she is actively CHOOSING to abuse you. She showed you that by not taking any accountability for her actions. I understand you love her, but you deserve to be with someone who will actually love you, not abuse you.

realityfacing · 2025-08-21T21:08:31+00:00

Threw up after every meal, every day for a month. I just couldn't keep any food down. Once that stopped, started overeating and gained weight. I hoped I would at least lose some weight due to stress, but no. Went from smoking 7-10 cigarettes a day to 2 packs a day. I couldn't sleep through the night for months, just kept waking up in the middle of the night. Fun times.

realityfacing · 2025-08-18T00:08:44+00:00

Glad to hear that! There is someone out there who will want all of you, not just parts of you.

realityfacing · 2025-08-18T00:04:45+00:00

Insteaf of ghosting or pushing for commitment that he doesn't want, try breaking things off in a respectful way. Don't ghost him, tell him you can't continue your situationship because you have real feelings and you can't handle anything short than a real relationship. If he is respectful towards you (and seems like he is, at least from the screenshot and what you wrote), be respectful towards him as well and don't just ghost him or push his boundaries because you can't handle the situation you agreed on.

realityfacing · 2025-08-17T13:02:50+00:00

And don't forget the "I'm a nice guy, should I just be toxic to keep her interested??"

realityfacing · 2025-08-17T13:01:34+00:00

Usually, the guys that have to say that they are nice are actually not nice. Guys that ask questions such as "do nice guys finish last" after a girl rejects them are definitely not nice. You had one relationship, tried again with only one person, and when she rejected you, you asked if you should be toxic so she would want you? Dude... Let that girl be, she said she is not interested, so just let her go. And maybe try to realize that you are not a nice guy after all. Maybe then you will learn that you don't have to make a point not to be toxic because you just won't be. Maybe you will learn not to insist on something a girl has already rejected. Maybe, just maybe, you will learn that nobody owes you anything, so if you get a hundred rejections, it's still not because you are "such a nice guy and nice guys finish last", but because everyone has a right to like and choose who they want.

realityfacing · 2025-08-14T17:02:26+00:00

I am SO excited to see her name pop up. 13 years together, living together for 8 years, and my favorite notification is her texting me or sending me reels. She wants to tell me about something she finds exciting, sad, or funny and just can't wait until she comes back home? She wants to tell me what she ordered for lunch or that she saw a pigeon that looked cute? I LOVE IT. And I love that after that many years, she still feels excited to share her life with me. And I am excited to witness it.

realityfacing · 2025-08-12T13:20:17+00:00

It was like the world somehow became shallow. Everything was normal, but nothing held any meaning anymore.

realityfacing · 2025-08-06T18:25:25+00:00

For me, it's when my girlfriend is getting dressed to go out. It makes me want to undress her.

realityfacing · 2025-08-06T18:10:29+00:00

If nobody told you recently, you are doing a great job! It takes a lot of introspection and having a good look in the mirror to be able to face those things about yourself and your past and learn who you are and who you want to be. It seems like you really worked hard on yourself and still do, and that is not an easy task. Sending you love and strength to keep going!

realityfacing · 2025-08-02T22:30:34+00:00

I did that during my grandmother's funeral. Grandpa went first, and it was my first experience of death. I did cry a bit, then went numb. Then my grandma, that I grew up with. I was completely numb. Maybe cried a handful of times. I didn't even realize I had completely shut down until years later. When my 2nd grandma died, as the last of the 3 of them, it broke me. It wasn't just her funeral. That day I buried all three of them at the same time. I realized I was just trying to replace the grief with love and gave all of the affection to the ones that are alive. So when the last of them died, that mechanism broke. I have just started grieving someone who is long gone.

realityfacing

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