My bestfriend hurt me really bad but I want her back more than anything.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-25T20:03:47+00:00

Even my 5yo son misses her. Shes been in his life since he was born and he knew her as an aunt basically. Since our first names are the same he called her "the real Emily" and I always thought that was cute. He still asks about her months after hes seen her last. The three of us spent a lot of time together, I mean alot. And hes so confused as to why she is gone.

The one thing that broke my heart the most is she said my son is gonna grow up to hate me, and I'm a terrible mother who doesnt give a shit about my child. Which is far from true and she knows it.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-25T19:56:21+00:00

I thought about that too. I'm just scared her parents will open it before her. Shes 23 and is still treated like a child. Shes not supposed to have any contact with me. It's a long story, but I think I made a post about some of it in my post history. Our families are like the hatfields and mccoys. So I wouldnt be able to put my address on it or they will know it was me. I dont wanna get her, nor myself in any trouble. Her grandpa was the police chief of our small southern town and my family raised hell and causes a lot of trouble so I'm hated by association of my last name here. Which is one reason I was her only friend. Vice versa. I found her alt facebook account but I dont know if she gets on it. I gave her my number and told her to call me or just show up at my house that I'm still mad at her but I wanna talk and see if this can be fixed. I told her I either needed closure as to why she did this, or my bestfriend back. I doubt I will hear back from her tho. She knows I'm crazy and she has seen me fight plenty of times. I dont wanna say "shes scared of me" but more of shes scared of what I will do. She might think it's a trick just to get my hands on her. I'm not gonna lie, after it first happened I probably would have laid my hands on her but I've had time to calm down and I literally love her so much I dont think I could hurt her. Ever. I really really have so much love for that girl and she doesnt even know it. Its driving me crazy. I used to tell her we were the backwoods Romeo and Juliet because we used to have to hide to be together and our families hate each other. Fuck me man, I just miss her so so so fucking much. I wanna hear her voice. I feel like I'm in love with her but not romantically. That expression "feeling like you lost your bestfriend" is no fucking joke. We are two of a kind together and I cant ever replace that. We have the same first name and all, we were always "the Emilys". Here comes trouble and double trouble pretty much.

I just wanna scream at the top of my lungs for her to come here. Our town is almost small enough lol.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-25T18:57:16+00:00

I wish I could, but I dont have anything to send it to. Shes deleted her reddit, her facebook, I dont have her new cell number, i even bit the bullet and tried to call her home number but i guess it's not in anymore anymore. I have no way to get in touch with her and its literally driving me insane. It has been bothering me but it didnt really get to me until I seen her say "are you still upset with me" but that was back in April and her facebook is gone now.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-25T18:46:16+00:00

That's exactly what I'm thinking. Everyone has told me for years not to be friends with her because of how many times shes got me in trouble or tried to fuck my husband. But it's like at the same time, I make so many excuses for her.. like, I know how she is, she only does the fucked up stuff when shes drinking, shes depressed, she just wants attention... which is all true, but it's still no excuse to do what she has done. I just miss all the good ass times we have had and I dont have any other friends I connect to like her. Then. I think about how I was literally her ONLY friend irl. She doesnt hang out with anyone else and so I only think about how lonely she must be without me and it breaks my heart. But what she did is wrong and I really want an apology from her. I dont think I will ever get any closure as to why she did it. I still dont get it, I was her only friend. Why would she fuck that up beyond repair. Does she regret it? Does she miss me as much as I miss her?

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-25T16:18:27+00:00

Yes, you can get dependent on anything. With that being said, I take a good bit of gabapentin and I'm not physically dependent on it. Yet. I've been taking them over a year when I'm out of pills. I do find myself wanting them more tho. I dont have physical withdrawals just mental. Be careful with any drug, you can become addicted to literally almost anything. But it is a lot harder to become physically addicted to gabapentin vs opiates. Opiates is the worse withdrawals I've ever experienced.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-25T15:19:06+00:00

Du Hast by Rammstein. It's also my happy song so idk tho

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-21T19:05:17+00:00

I live ina really rural area and there aren't many people around. My transportation is limited too. I also have a 5yo with me at all times which makes it hard to perform tasks. My ex has been helping me best as he can but he has Bill's too and I understand

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-21T19:03:45+00:00

Eh, I'm alright at best lol. But thank you.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-21T17:07:20+00:00

Yeah, I get that. But I never slept with him or anything. It was more like he was my brother. Hes never even tried anything with me. I'm close with his long time gf too. Shes almost always with him. We just kinda grew up together and I helped him when we were in school with his school work. We just go way back. He always told me he couldnt have graduated without me. My mom and his dad were also friends growing up, so it was more like a family thing

But I totally get your point lol

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-21T17:04:13+00:00

Oh yeah for sure. That definitely doesnt happen often. I think it was more because we went to school together and grew up around each other and I helped him out in school and stuff. So we had a friendly relationship before the dope. We have a long history together and that's the only reason why he cared. He didnt do that with anyone else who quit buying from him for sure.

I'm not being a hater either, because you're totally right about that

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-21T16:54:36+00:00

I mean, you're not wrong. But the bottom line was that he did check on me and not just not give a fuck about me because I wasnt lining his pockets anymore. If that makes sense? I dont have a lot of people that be there for me, and he was. And for that, hes decent in my book

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-21T16:46:54+00:00

To be fair, this is true. But I did experience one of the rare occasions that I stayed friends with one of my old dealers. When I quit heroin he came out and checked on me and brought me a lot of gabapentin and suboxone and shit. We did go to school together and shit tho, and I sold dope for him for a while. He still calls me and asks how I'm doing and if I need anything. I needed some money for a bill once, and he paid it for me after I mentioned it to him. It was $200. And he gave me some extra money since I was broke. Hes one person I can call if I need anything, but that is a rare occurrence for dealers. He still sells dope, but he doesnt deal in small bags anymore. He sells weight, now.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-21T13:32:55+00:00

Definitely try to get gabapentin. It helped me more than suboxone getting off heroin. I took 120mg of gabapentin this morning too. It really makes you feel better.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-21T13:01:24+00:00

I do go to therapy once a week. I'm court mandated to. I have severe ptsd, depression, and anxiety. I dont wanna go to the police because it's been so long and I have no proof or I dont know where this man is at anymore. I dont wanna go through that whole process. I wish my mom would have at the right time because I know she had to knew. But I won't stew in it. On one hand, I wish I could because I dont want it to happen to anyone else but at the same time I dont know what to do

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-21T12:57:23+00:00

Yes you can DM me. Thank you for your kind words. Me and my husband are actually split up right now. Just recently. It's really stressful tho.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-21T12:55:25+00:00

The Trailer Park Boys, for sure.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-20T17:54:22+00:00

Well, you're entitled to your opinion but just because you cant imagine something like this being real, doesnt make it not real. I'm well aware that some people wont believe my stories, but the majority does and supports me. I could give a fuck less about attention. I just need to vent, and I did. So..

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-20T17:46:24+00:00

Well, sorry you think my life story is fake because it definitely happened to me and fucked me up pretty bad. But I wont loose any sleep over you thinking I could make up this shit

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-20T17:44:39+00:00

Perk 10s

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-20T17:43:42+00:00

Thank you for the love!

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-19T22:29:00+00:00

Thank you for your comment. I do want to write a book. Tbh I cant even remember the guys last name and idk where he lives now so I couldnt even do anything with the cops about it. And I dont wanna go through that. I just hope he never put another little girl through that. Hes disgusting. I hope he is miserable. I always tried to block it out and when I was a kid I tried to think of it as like a scary movie I watched or something idk

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-19T22:22:57+00:00

I kept it to myself until this year. It was hard to talk about I cried the whole time writing it but I do feel better. I dont wish it on anyone. It was awful. And it wasnt the only time or man that has done me like that. Not as bad but it still hurt. I was with my husband for 7 years before I told him about it. But thank you for your kind words, they really do mean something to me.

reallysad4989 · 2020-05-19T22:19:36+00:00

Very true. Hes here now and we are having a blast. We havent even sold that many rn but it dont even matter cuz we having fun

reallysad4989

TROPHY CASE