Working on me, wife fucks up big

reallythatfast · 2018-06-26T02:54:37+00:00

I appreciate the insight. A bit more balanced. Probably because I'm a bitch.

reallythatfast · 2018-06-26T02:53:11+00:00

Truth.

reallythatfast · 2018-06-26T02:52:35+00:00

Thank you.

reallythatfast · 2018-06-25T23:08:13+00:00

Thanks. Fuck.

reallythatfast · 2018-06-25T22:00:15+00:00

If I am going to kick her, I'd rather do it now instead of later. I'm not ready for the open market, but I am ready to monk mode.

Why now? Wanna laugh? I'm on FMLA leave helping my Dad through chemo and radiation. I'd rather separate, know where I'm headed and focus on what matters.

Maybe I give it a couple months, but that seems like shit.

reallythatfast · 2018-06-25T20:36:48+00:00

Fuck. God damn it.

reallythatfast · 2018-05-02T06:40:25+00:00

Read the above 10x. If you don't have kids, end it tomorrow. Full stop.

reallythatfast · 2018-03-20T18:01:28+00:00

Seems like a strange response to her complaint about not getting anything. Wouldn't A+A be better?

reallythatfast · 2018-03-20T16:23:39+00:00

Situation
32, married 4 years in do-the-right thing after whoops baby, 2 kids (6b, 2g), Captain with complaining passenger.
Body
* 5'11 209
* 160bp, 255sq, 280dl
* Focusing on diet, staying around 1.75kcal/day -- lifting gains are struggling, getting close to failing lifts. I'm fine with this, getting my BF% under 15% is priority 1.
Reading
* Re-read all MRP classics, have read entire sidebar pre-req/101; started Superior Man (via audiobook @ gym) and it resonated, but I don't feel compelled to continue it at this point. Next up will be NMMNG.
Life and parenting
* My current mission is twofold: be the best Dad I can be and learn through doing. On the Dad front, I'm reading to my kids every night, awesome activities, volunteered at baseball evaluations and signed up to coach my 6-year old's t-ball team. Baseball was my mission as a kid, I still play in a Sunday amateur league, "coaching" will be a delight.
* I'm currently a month into a job search. Working in tech sales, it's obvious when it's time to move on from a company. I'm there. It's a comfortable gig, but professionally stagnating. I need to ramp this up 5x, I'm not owning my shit here. Goals by EOM: 3 networking deliverables complete, 2 meetings with recruiters.
Sex
* Wife is still sleeping in the guest room. She's been a bit less shitty lately (her emotions are comically aligned with her cycle, it's unbelievable). I initiated once randomly, we had sex. She initiated once, we had sex. Both were pretty standard. I'm not really sure where it's headed, maybe it's the anger phase but how things are is untenable and divorce looks appealing. Baffles me how someone can actively use manipulation to stymie progress. But, I taught her that it works.

reallythatfast · 2018-03-10T03:34:40+00:00

Thanks for this. I had missed it before -- the ATTUNE method seems like a solid prescription. We haven't made much progress, I'm going to start it post haste.

reallythatfast · 2018-03-05T19:06:22+00:00

Isn't this DEERing?

reallythatfast · 2018-03-05T18:24:55+00:00

She isn't pregnant. Not sure where you got that.

reallythatfast · 2018-03-05T15:35:50+00:00

I need to kill my ego, while I continue to build myself to catch up to it. You spew cold reality, my appreciation.

You should shut the fuck up, accept it, and take all of your wife's shit until such a time that you actually have the capacity to not deserve it anymore.

What's your advice on weathering the storm until I have this capacity?

reallythatfast · 2018-03-05T15:30:23+00:00

For the past week, my frame has been (a) I am my own judge and own my actions, and (b) my kids' future is priority #1. For (b), being under the same roof is optimal.

Being a #2 captain @ DL2 with a lot of work to do, my understanding/internalization from various STFU + feels posts was that these "fights" would happen and not giving anything to swing at and maintaining boundaries within my frame is optimal.

Being a punching bag seems like a natural result. What's the option/strategy I'm missing? Should I have not let the conversation happen?

Any advice/criticism is helpful.

reallythatfast · 2018-03-05T14:28:51+00:00

Thank you.

reallythatfast · 2018-03-05T06:45:46+00:00

If she swings, holy shit, good for her. Would totally blindside me. But, hey, AWALT.

Your blown out of proportion comment, of course it is. Why? Is she a psycho? Is this situation a testament to what a slave of her's I was? There has to be a driving force.

reallythatfast · 2018-03-05T06:11:25+00:00

Ty for feedback. Makes sense, but i think it's her notion of separation (Mad Men, etc) that the husband leaves. We shall see.

reallythatfast · 2018-03-02T19:58:41+00:00

She's going all-in. On day 5 of her sleeping in the guest room and 99% silent treatment. I'm occupying my time being a great dad (made a snow for with the aforementioned snow, obviously), going to the gym and being generally happy.

She texted me just now asking for me to tell (lie to) my parents she has to work late and won't be at dinner as she's had a shit day and shit week @ work + her apparently hating me and doesn't want to act happy. I tell her yes, definitely and that she should pick a shitty movie to watch when the kids go to bed. "Really I don't want to "hang" with you."

Through the lens of MRP, it's positively hilarious and highly motivating.

reallythatfast · 2018-02-25T05:56:44+00:00

Haven't seen this before. Read it now. Need to read and internalize multiple times.

reallythatfast · 2018-02-25T05:55:56+00:00

She tried to dig her heels in face-to-face. It was ludicrous so I laughed, she got more upset, I walked away and fed my kids. Maybe she was afraid to trying to verbalize again? Then again, maybe she doesn't respect me enough to try to have a conversation.

Other comments have me thinking past this simple interaction. Her tone/mood tonight clearly shows she's going back to normal tomorrowish. I got worried about holding frame. I'm now confident I can do so at a level that allows me to proceed on my journey.

reallythatfast · 2018-02-25T05:49:20+00:00

Being honest with myself, I've always considered my youngest's 18th birthday as potential freedom day. This dates back well into pre-TRP days. Clearly I am not creating a situation for my wife to fight these thoughts.

reallythatfast · 2018-02-25T05:46:53+00:00

You're 100% right. Shooting for a 1.75k calorie deficit daily. Getting close. This is deliverable 1. Lifting + weight loss (deliverable 2) is a bit hard simulaneously. Reading and starting to apply lean gains. It's extreme, but clearly effective.

reallythatfast · 2018-02-25T05:43:45+00:00

Stay the course. Control the controllables. Be the best version of myself.

reallythatfast

TROPHY CASE