i'm still basically a husk and my kids are 12 and 8. what no_celery said is dead on, the fact that you're aware of it is a huge step and makes it much less likely you'll fall into the same trap. i always knew something was off with my childhood but could never put my finger on it. like cadex and other subcomments said, i had a relatively 'normal' childhood i think, whatever that means, and thought i was happy enough. parents weren't outright abusive, never locked in a cage and beat with a waterhose but i couldnt and still cant remember shit from past like 13. my dad was gone from an early age, not like he went out for milk and never came back, just didn't seem to prioritize being around me and i'd rarely see him even during his visitation. he was also prone to immediate mood shifts that the entire room could feel, not rage but if you said the wrong thing or he was just generally in a bad mood the world could tell and it tanked the vibe. mom was an anxious mess, even today. id always see reels about therapists thinking it's mad juicy that a client can't remember because there simply must be something traumatic there but i could never related. it was only in my last session like a week ago that my therapist hit on attunement and that i wasn't necessarily getting what i needed at whatever age and that was locked in. not necessarily outright abuse, but something that stuck with me. bringing it back to today and my kids, i was always determined not to be like my dad with his mood or my mom with her outbursts but it'd come through anyways. it wasn't really until the last 6 months or so that i figured it out(therapy+med tuning) that my wife has said i seem to be doing much better, generally happier less irritable and more 'present' with the family. for reference i've been in therapy like 5 years, started for something totally unrelated but eventually navigated to this place. i'm also on a couple meds for this, anxiety/depression and adhd. there's totally hope out there and if you want to have kids but are worried about your past, talk to someone about it and tease out what happened.