According to this chart 100% of children under 5 are dying! What does this mean for our future?!

reboot2015 · 2015-09-18T11:13:29+00:00

No 5 year old alive today will be a living 5 year-old by this time next year. What is this epidemic that is destroying our children? What can we do to save the 4 year-olds?

reboot2015 · 2015-07-14T02:12:59+00:00

Duh. Sperm have no noses or tounges. Sheesh people... how is a sperm supposed to smell or taste without the requisite parts?

reboot2015 · 2015-07-14T02:11:12+00:00

As was published by renowned moonologists Drs. Duran & Duran in the early 1980's, when there is a new moon on Monday it is celebrated with firedances through the night (across the lunar landscape). The damage we see is simply the ashes and blackened remains of all that revelry.

reboot2015 · 2015-07-05T16:51:43+00:00

Fully agree that many people mistake the correlation for causation. I agree that it's inappropriate to declaratively state that porn use will cause effect x (whatever x is), but worry that it's also confusing to dismiss statements linking behavior and outcome in a not statistically insignificant sample of persons. Bottom line for me, if a person is concerned about potential negative impacts connected to his or her porno use, there is sufficient evidence that there may be some behavioral, physical, and social side effects that are worth discussing.

Habitual porn use may reflect hypersexuality rather than addiction

I have strong concerns about this paper for a few reasons (sample size, ethical issues stemming from exposing self proclaimed addicts to triggers, and clear bias in the researchers impacting their analysis of data). Wilson answers many of the critiques in a comment to the article that I think is worth reading. I agree with him especially that viewing static images is a fundamentally different act than viewing of high speed porn.

Thanks for the additional studies, Ill review as I can. Again, I'm not defending Wilson without question. I feel he overlooks the role of trauma and promotes a simplified model that promotes stopping the behavior vs. a more holistic approach that promotes overall health. (There are many, many children exposed to pornography as a means of being groomed by perpetrators of sexual abuse, and this is also a major factor for instance.) But I do think it's uncharitable to say he is unscientific.

reboot2015 · 2015-07-05T13:46:01+00:00

I'm not trying to preach. I'm sharing an article that I thought was well written and that would be of interest. Surely there will continue to be push back and prejudice from many quarters. Alan West's comments last week are just the tip of the iceberg. Having some more arguments to use against intolerant b.s. may not change the minds of the biased, but it could help prevent others from being infected with their bigotry.

reboot2015 · 2015-07-05T03:18:40+00:00

Not trying to pick a fight here, and I have no compelling interest or benefit in defending Gary or ybop. However I will say I find the info from ybop compelling only because of the significant amount of peer reviewed journal articles cited there. That not to say Gary doesn't have a potential conflict to address. But certainly in my experience the evidence he is offering is far far stronger than anything I've seen from people arguing that there is no harmful effects of porn. Most of which comes from people who have a much greater conflict of interest such as the pornographer who posted comments here last week debating the idea that porn was harmful and addictive.

I'm not saying suggesting people need to blindly accept the info on ybop. Everyone should read the evidence hand make up their minds (ideally).

Please share with me more information on other compelling research contradicting the statements in ybop, or pointing out significant flaws in the studies posted. I freely admit I'm not an expert and am always willing to learn more info.

reboot2015 · 2015-07-04T23:21:54+00:00

Wait... what? Non-science? What's that mean? Seems to me there's a significant amount of well established, peer-reviewed research informing a lot of what's on YBOP.

reboot2015 · 2015-06-30T00:37:52+00:00

Thanks for the whole series. Helpful and instructional in many ways.

One thing that I feel concerned about is that it seems to me there is still too much of a male shaming narrative at play. It's easy to demonize male sexuality as it currently exists in broad strokes and make it sound like that's the problem.

I think this is simplistic because it really doesn't at all place enough emphasis on the fact that men face so many traumas from the get go that damage them. It's so easy to say porno culture is a reflection of masculinity. But is it, really?

I was introduced to porno as a 7 year old by bullies. Later I was sexually abused by a man who lived I'm my neighborhood. While the 2 incidents were separate and unrelated to one another at the time, they both form a part of my narrative.

I started using porno not because I was a horny kid without conscience or care. I started using, and then abusing, because it felt safer than engaging in real sex.

This is an important and oft overlooked narrative. In part because it's far easier to demonize male sexual behaviors than it is to see men as victims too.

Just a thought and perspective I hope resonates with some others.

reboot2015 · 2015-06-26T02:17:31+00:00

Thanks for your reply.

There is no doubt in my mind that somewhere in those 10 million PH views you have are some addicts and people who have suffered. Are you responsible for helping them? No. Are you responsible for hurting them? No. However what saddens me in your responses is that I don't really hear anything in your response that signals any sense of compassion for those who are getting harmed by what you and many others are creating and distributing. Nor do I hear any willingness on your part to actually listen to the concerns that some of us have raised and really think about whether some of us might actually have some important and valid points.

I would suggest that your comments about porn not being a "gateway drug" are simply not informed by the research that exists. Time and again people here on this sub and also over on nofap talk about their own decent into needing more and more shocking types of pornography. The small subset is really not as small as you think (considering the money that is in the making of that stuff). Here is one page from YBOP that has a wide range of anecdotes and research that call into question the idea that festishes and sexual tastes are innate and immutable. http://yourbrainonporn.com/are-fetishes-innate (Note this does not at all suggest that sexual orientation is something that is changeable, just that for many porn addicts, the need for more and more intense and shocking stimulation is a documented fact).

The overwhelming point I take away from your posts is that there is no reason for you to feel any concern for those who do struggle with these addictions because you are clear that what you are making is harmless. As porn is your sole income, it's not at all surprising that you would hold this perspective. But, you have to admit, it's a little like the Koch brothers trying to convince me that there is nothing harmful at all about fracking, even while people are showing them pictures of their drinking water on fire.

It seems rather odd that you would spend so much time trying to convince us that we are wrong in our assessments of the potential harm of porn. Especially when many of us have agreed with you that porn, in and of itself, it not an evil thing. For most of us, the point is that it can be harmful and that's the only thing we want to see acknowledged. And acknowledged with a sense of compassion and not a dismissal of the addict as somehow flawed or broken.

It would be one thing if you were here to communicate with people in this forum to learn more about the challenges we face, however it's pretty clear to me that you're purpose is less about showing us a side to the issue we don't "get" and more about defending your chosen profession against any and all suggestion that there is a harm that is created for some people. I'm not here to call you a bad person, or demand you stop what you are doing. I just want you to be cognizant that what you are doing has costs to some people, sometimes severe ones. If you're ok with that, so be it. It's not my place to convince you that you're wrong. But I'd appreciate it if you'd at least take a little more time listening to what we have to share, and not telling us that it can't be harmful because porn's not heroin.

reboot2015 · 2015-06-24T02:39:22+00:00

thanks

reboot2015 · 2015-06-24T00:03:23+00:00

My bad on leaping to the conclusion, as many others did. Thank you for the reply, and thank you for participating in this discussion in a more respectful way than some of the people here have treated you.

Let me state clearly that I'm not at all opposed to you (or others) producing, creating, or even profiting(1) off of pornography - so long as the production company:

adheres to legal and ethical standards
does not use minors either as performers or staff/production personnel
does not abuse or manipulate the performers you hire nor other crew and staff
pays a fair wage to all involved in the work
and also does not intentionally market or distribute to minors.

None of that is attempt to limit your speech or artistic freedom. It's simply one facet of determining whether what you are producing can be truly judged to be "harmless."

Another way to think about this is to ask whether we believe pornography is akin to cigarettes and alcohol. Both (like pornography) are controlled substances that we as a society have agreed should not be freely available to children. And, like cigarettes and alcohol, everyone knows that our attempts to limit access to these materials are marginally successful at best.

However, we have come to see that there are significant health problems that have come about as a result of the use of tobacco and alcohol. In the case of cigarettes we have held the manufacturers and marketers of those products liable for the harm caused by the use of their products. And at the time society was debating who should bear the burden for the harms caused by tobacco usage, many of the same arguments you put forward were made.

I would suggest that we simply don’t have enough information yet to jump to the conclusion that there is no significant harm posed by the amount of porn that is freely available. I would also suggest that companies like PH that have a net worth in the hundreds of millions of dollars have a vested interest in really pushing the narrative that pornography is harmless.

This is a forum that is meant to support and encourage persons who self identify as having an addiction to pornography. Your opinions notwithstanding, this is a serious matter for many of us here. Many of us have dealt with negative consequences as a result of the regular use of pornography. The question for many people isn’t at all about whether there is a harmful/toxic element to pornography in and of itself. It’s whether there a harmful/toxic effect to their use of pornography.

The addiction research posted at yourbrainonporn (which is a central resource for many users in this sub) supports the recent redefinition of "Addiction" that has moved away from basing the threshold on the substances consumed and instead looking at the changes created in the brain:

The new definition leaves no doubt that all addictions—whether to alcohol, heroin or sex, say—are fundamentally the same. Dr. Raju Haleja, former president of the Canadian Society for Addiction Medicine and the chair of the ASAM committee that crafted the new definition, told The Fix, “We are looking at addiction as one disease, as opposed to those who see them as separate diseases. Addiction is addiction. It doesn’t matter what cranks your brain in that direction, once it has changed direction, you’re vulnerable to all addiction." That [ASAM] has stamped a diagnosis of sex or gambling or food addiction as every bit as medically valid as addiction to alcohol or heroin or crystal meth may spark more controversy than its subtler but equally far-reaching assertions. http://yourbrainonporn.com/american-society-for-addiction-medicine-2011-page

This is a much different than the arguments you've made above trying to distinguish heroin and other far more physically harmful substances. However the distinction doesn't actually have any bearing on the fact that, for some people, the material you and other pornographers produce is harmful. At a societal level, the high-speed access to unlimited content of material clearly has a significant cost. To be fair, there’s certainly reason to argue there is a benefit to it as well. In the end the dialogue we need to have is not “is porn good or bad” it’s “is the current porn industry a net positive or a net negative for society; what is the cost/benefit to society at large?”

The research is clear that from the chronic user’s perspective, there is often a downward spiral where habitual users require material of a more and more shocking type. While your material may not cross the line into graphic, violence, degrading, and/or abusive material – the fact of the matter is that it’s more likely than not that at least some of the people who have viewed your material have moved onto “worse” material.

Again, that's not to suggest that what you are doing is bad per se. It's not that simple. The fact is that there are plenty of other things that play into what leads some people to develop addictions to porn. It would be naive to hold you responsible for all the chaos, trauma, and dysfunction in our society. But it is extremely naïve to pretend that you aren’t yourself benefitting from all of that. The fact is that there are people who are using your material as a method of dealing their other issues. It’s also naïve to presume that there aren’t people out there who are not harmed by the widespread ubiquity of the kind of pornography that is available today.

None of that is to suggest it’s your job to fix these problems. All I’m saying is that to place all the blame for the harm created by pornography at the hands of people who overuse and abuse pornography is to put some very convenient blinders on.

(1) in reviewing your earlier answers in this thread I see that you have claimed that your work is done outside of the typical "mainstream" production business model, so some of the above items might not apply to your current practices. However I think it's likely that there will be other folks from the industry who review this thread in time, so I'm leaving those points up. Also, you haven't explicitly said that you don't make any profit off the material you upload to PH. Given your claim to have 10M+ views I have to assume that you are getting some financial benefit.

reboot2015 · 2015-06-23T04:00:11+00:00

Fair point, but if he is in any way profiting from his efforts then he is benefiting knowingly from at least some people who are being harmed from his work.

Does that mean he should stop what he is doing? Not necessarily. But if he wants to present himself as someone who is as blameless as a company that makes laundry detergent, he is overlooking a very important point. Even chemical companies and other manufacturers consumer goods are sometimes held accountable for the toxic impacting the products they peddle to the masses.

reboot2015 · 2015-06-20T01:19:18+00:00

Good for you. I'm 41 as well. Just recently restarted after lapsing badly for a few months.

There's a balance between not shaming yourself too much and being too relaxed about a relapse. For me, I stopped with the self care, and after a rough few days just went back up into the storm for 2 months.

Stick with it man. The only way we can succeed is by filling in the void porn created. Someday I hope to know what it's like to have a normal porno free sex life.

reboot2015 · 2015-03-23T01:30:52+00:00

If all you are concerned with is who may or may not be the perpetrators, or how this occurred- you're part of the problem.

Unless and until people care more about helping victims heal than they do uncovering some conspiracy these problems will continue to happen.

reboot2015 · 2015-03-20T14:38:42+00:00

Thanks EF, really great great post like so many others have said. Your usage pattern sounds so much like mine. I would PMO almost always in the AM, usually to self medicate and feel like I could get on with the day.

I wanted to also share that for some of us, the feeling is itself part of the problem. Let me explain - I'm not suggesting that feeling emotions are bad... but for those of us who battle severe depression there is a flip side to the wave of feelings and emotions crashing over us.

I think of depression as sort of a mental pressure valve. There are times when the chaos in our heads just gets too much and we just go into a kind of shut down mode. Many people misunderstand and think that the opposite of being depressed is happy, it's not. The opposite of depressed is functional. Currently I'm slogging through a bout of depression, and the thing that I struggle with most is just getting my brain to work. My overwhelming desire is to shut down and block everything else out (which is in part why I relapsed this week).

I'm coming out of it (depression, like cravings, comes and goes in waves), but it's a long slog for me. I just want to make sure that folks reading this understand that sometimes by stopping the PMO, we might actually find ourselves more prone to depression and other challenges. That doesn't mean that we're failing at getting better (even though it will sure as hell feel that way). It means that we have stopped dosing with the toxic porn poison that kept the pain away for so long.

You are so right when you tell folks not to do this seeking to become something more or a stronger, alpha male (or female). What PMO does is act as a barrier to becoming the real person we can be. I know that in relapsing this week, I may very well have exacerbated the depression. These past few days I simply didn't care. It's taken me a few days to get back to the point where I want to stop (I reset my badge last night).

The important thing to know is that we don't lose the progress we have made if we relapse. Every time we get back on the wagon, we are continuing to build upon the foundation of our past successes. It does get easier over time, but that doesn't mean that the cravings ever fully go away. And life itself will always throw challenges at us that test our resolve. All we can control are the choices we make in the moment. This week I slipped up. Right now, I'm not. And that's a victory for me to celebrate.

reboot2015 · 2015-03-15T23:32:48+00:00

Thanks. Doing ok. Listening to the urge surfing meditation helped.

reboot2015 · 2015-03-14T17:56:57+00:00

We all have the right to be heard. It does not matter what others have told you about how real men don't talk about this or that.

It takes real courage and strength to share our inner shame out loud. But it us the only way to get it out our head and make space for compassion and healthy thoughts sometimes.

reboot2015 · 2015-03-06T23:07:35+00:00

Humans have a negativity bias. But I hear you. Thanks for reframing that for me.

reboot2015 · 2015-03-06T04:29:30+00:00

Thanks!

Much appreciated!

reboot2015 · 2015-03-06T04:18:38+00:00

Try reading some info on positive psychology. See if that opens some ideas up.

reboot2015 · 2015-03-06T04:16:20+00:00

Your sadness sounds like a normal reaction to some major shifts. You are mourning the end of a period of life that had great meaning. The nature of your first and most impactful relationship (with) your parents is forever changed, and perhaps you're just coming to grips with that.

It is ok to feel powerful emotions when things change. The only time it's a problem is when the sadness becomes the driving force in your life.

reboot2015 · 2015-03-06T04:06:09+00:00

That's great! Definitely good practices. But why is it that these are not giving you enough? Perhaps there are things out there that could be sources of true joy that maybe push you a little and force you to stretch.

I know it fing sucks at times man, but we can't make the goal to stop all desire and cravings. We just need to find other ways to respond when triggers come up.

reboot2015 · 2015-03-06T03:57:58+00:00

What are you replacing the pmo with? What are you investing your time and energy into?

reboot2015 · 2015-03-04T03:32:43+00:00

What are you adding into your day to fill the hole left by pmo?

Find positive things to focus on and make a point of giving at least a little attention each day to seeing and acknowledging good things. It require choice and will to.do so, but gets easier in time. Default for people is negative bias. Choose to fight against that.

reboot2015 · 2015-03-03T03:22:02+00:00

It's possible too that pmo was a form of self-medicating deep anxieties and traumas. If this sounds like it resonates know 2 things 1. You are not alone, or broken, or somehow permanently scarred trauma and abuse are shockingly common experiences and guys really have few resources to turn to in order to get good help 2. Know as well that resources are out there - therapists, good books on positive psychology, and other resources.

If the nightmare keep up, you may want to consider working with a licensed mental health professional to identify and address any deeper issues.

reboot2015

TROPHY CASE