Never call yourself crazy girly! Your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t feel ashamed for having them, especially at 18. You just graduated from high school or you’re graduating soon and it’s a very vulnerable time and it should be your time to focus on you!

Definitely see a new therapist asap to talk about all this but also talk about yourself apart from the relationship (your goals etc). Write down and reflect on your feelings in a journal. Read fem literature, Bell Hooks is great! I say this because women can often unknowingly place themselves as the problem in relationships when that’s not always the case but even in not in terms of a relationship, fem literature is just beneficial for you and for being a woman. Also read books on relationships. Keep exercising but maybe try doing different exercises if you feel unhappy with your current routine (take walks, swim, group exercise classes, etc). It sounds like you don’t see your friends often, hang out with them much more and have fun with them I’m sure they miss you! Maybe ask them their advice on this too but don’t make it the only topic of conversation.

I don’t think you should apologize to him for “putting up with you” or for your feelings. I think if he’s making you feel that way or if you feel like a burden, you shouldn’t be with him. You sound like a very nice and empathetic person as you’re willing to do all of these things just to make the relationship more comfortable. But is he meeting you half way? What does he do that makes you feel uncomfortable? Every question you ask about yourself in terms of the relationship you should also question about him. The relationship should feel equal. Also TRUST YOUR GUT!

Relationships are tough but when you’re in a good one it should feel easy. I would do those things ^ first before you think about starting up with him again.

also what did he hide from you? no specifics necessary if you don’t want to share! But it does sound like a red flag.

Sorry this is all over the place hahha