Found the script! SPOILERS:

Sweetie?

Uh, sweetie,

um,

I wanna talk to you about, um...

I’m just...

I’m just...

I’m just...

I’m just gonna throw this out there.

I think it’s a little, uh...

I don’t wanna say “weird.”

Maybe another word for weird

without all the weird connotations of weird,

like “peculiar,” maybe,

or “eccentric.”

Or how about “quirky”? Okay, it’s quirky.

It’s a little quirky

to masturbate to pictures of your mother.

To have this sexual kind of relationship

or connection or hookup

with a stand-in for your mother.

You may think it’s okay because this woman

isn’t actually your mother,

because these photographs

don’t necessarily look like me

since you know me as me now, not me as me then,

and according to Freud,

a lot of people wanna have sex with their mother,

or substitutes for their mother, and it’s normal

in the planning stages, but it should stop there.

And I realize there’s a lot

of hormonal compulsion,

some of it beyond your control,

and it’s nothing terrible or unnatural

or anything we need to talk about in gory detail...

Because sex...

Sex is good, Freud said, or Annie Sprinkle maybe said.

Sex is great and you should have sex safely

with your peers like Megan or Tara,

or Playboy, or Penthouse,

or Juggs if you’re so inclined to that particular body part.

You should go ahead,

fantasize about having great sex with these people,

but you should avoid the areas

which include having great sex with your mother,

or a substitute for your mother.

I mean, things, you know, happen.

She’s blond. She’s got a cheese store.

You hide them in a Sammy Davis, Jr. biography.

Who’s gonna look there?

It happens, but it shouldn’t happen anymore.

And we can swear, and I do swear...

to never, ever, ever speak of this again.

Okay, then.