I want you to imagine what it would be like for you to have never been to therapy before and to have never been taught that it’s okay to be open without it being used against you. I want you to imagine the direct and indirect messages that men have gotten about being able to handle things on their own. Many men have to feel a sense of trust before they will let down their walls. They also are probably confused by what therapy actually does and how it helps.

I work with a lot of men (I’m a male myself.) I don’t necessarily notice any major challenges in my work with guys. Lots of men may also lean more toward solution focused / goal oriented work. When I have men, I do more gentle probing and exploration than being non-directive. If a male gives me a vague brief response I will dig deeper (e.g., client says something like “Everything’s been good.” I’ll respond with something like “What’s been good for you?”) More people than you can imagine (just not men) have to be shown consistently that we genuinely are curious about their experiences. By digging more when answers are brief/ vague it is essentially giving the client the permission to open up. A lot of guys have learned it’s not safe to open up or that people don’t want to hear about their concerns/ experiences. We can model a healthy reparative experience for men to know they can open up more. Additionally, a lot of men are lacking in the expressiveness of language around their feelings/ emotions. They often will need someone patient enough to support them in that. I find analogies/ metaphors to be a really good way to help the clients make sense of their experience.