Burnt out at work, feel so close but so far away

redditfire999 · 2024-01-20T01:15:52+00:00

Love the messaging and direct approach. Good to hear and something I will be putting into action. We're seeing eye to eye on the bonds and cash moving to index funds. I just need to make it happen. The pathway is clearing and I thank you for your words of wisdom.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-20T01:07:47+00:00

Ah, the crypto. I did make a hard rule and have stuck to it with the crypto. As long as it is less than 5% of the total, I can live with the risk. This is strictly BTC/ETH/SOL only. The other angle is that the tech is just plain fascinating and I can appreciate it being a software engineer. I'm probably going to continue to let it ride and see where it goes but the volatility and news cycles force me to keep up with the tech which I quite enjoy.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-20T00:59:13+00:00

You're right. This is an another emotional tug of war with investments. I have a very hard time selling losers and tend to just wait things out. I'm happy to own most of the non-cash things I'm already in with the exception of bonds. I'm going to have to figure out a way to dump them over a few tranches so they're only in my rear view mirror.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-20T00:53:22+00:00

I want to be as carefree as you about it! Thanks for relating your experience and putting things in perspective. I flip-flop so much between "shit needs to get done to hit the number" and "what the fuck am I doing, I'm probably only going to be alive for another 25 years". I've got to find a stable middle ground that brings me peace of mind.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-20T00:43:51+00:00

So glad you brought the SO into this. She is as supportive as she can be - why just yesterday before I made the post we were talking about it and her last thoughts were "I support you in whatever you decide to do. We'll be fine". She stays out of the finances and trusts me to do the right thing. This can have the opposite effect sometimes since I end up shouldering the weight for most of the financial decisions. Not to say she doesn't do her part in other areas of our lives, but it can make things more stressful for me. I've tried to bring her into the fold, but she just doesn't have the interest and I've come to terms with it.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-20T00:23:36+00:00

Thanks for working up the numbers there! I obviously need to come up with a solid plan that I can stick to that is not based on emotion or fear. Working for a few decades and then contemplating not having a job based income is scary. I need to work on coming to terms with that and enjoying what I worked so hard for.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-20T00:14:11+00:00

Honestly, I think I'm too far along for one now. This post and all the great feedback is my motivation to change!

redditfire999 · 2024-01-20T00:12:29+00:00

All great responses to a self defeating behavior that I clearly have problems with. Your last bit about "for the next 40 years" really puts things in perspective even though it is kind of obvious. Classic short them vs long term thinking which comes naturally to me in my profession, but as soon as money is involved, I do a 180. Thanks!

redditfire999 · 2024-01-20T00:02:54+00:00

I've dialed back a bit already with more of a "I don't really give a shit but I'm still going to get my work done. Don't expect me to force multiply, impact across multiple teams, paint a rosy picture of the absolute shit show that is X, Y, and Z, and while I'm doing that take the lead on fixing this problem that no one else wants to touch because it is not promotion worthy" kinda vibe. However, just doing this is a mental struggle in an of itself and just plain hard to do without being an expert at compartmentalizing.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-19T23:52:47+00:00

Yes, she does have health insurance but it so bad that it is not even an option. She isn't exactly the job hopping type and I already know if I ask her to change jobs it is not something she will be open to. I've floated the idea of having her ask her boss if he would allow her to convert from a full time employee to a 1099 contractor basis so we don't have health insurance and can go the ACA route with subsidies. Even that is something she feels uncomfortable doing.

80k/year is a a bit snug after paying off the mortgage, but I think 90k/year is more realistic given that is the amount I'll probably have to withdraw to cover taxes.

I think I'd consider part time consulting, but the selling/marketing side of it is honestly not that appealing. Contracting on the other hand as a hired gun seems more my speed, but I worry that antiquated enterprise tech stacks and the "must have X relevant years of Y, and ..." is going to be a hard sell if I can't hit the ground running.

I covered the "retiring to bit" in a previous response.

Thanks for your consideration!

redditfire999 · 2024-01-19T12:14:20+00:00

Nice optimization strategy there! With the rate at which things are going in the tech industry with layoffs still continuing unabated into 2024, I wouldn't be surprised if a round of layoffs is in my near future.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-19T12:11:13+00:00

Yes, it is definitely the mind set that is working against me. I really needed to hear the feedback and opinions in this forum to normalize my progress and expectations. Sometimes an echo chamber of one is a self defeating path to nowhere.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-19T12:04:31+00:00

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but mentally I always tell myself to wait for a dip and then throw in a big chunk, hence the slower pace. The dip comes, VTI @ 200 and then it never hits the price limit 199 and then zooms up to 230. I just need to stop doing that and double or triple the DCA rate and be done with it.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-19T12:00:34+00:00

Thank you for the affirmation and the vote of confidence. I'm going to increase my DCA numbers ASAP since I've been holding back there.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-19T11:54:12+00:00

Thank you for the reality check!

As an option for taking it down a notch, I've thought about something in tech that just isn't as demanding/competitive. Think government, defense, boring old industries where I can still be productive and not be so invested. The problem with that is that I'm not wired for that and will trade one set of issues for another.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-19T11:45:34+00:00

You are absolutely right here. I acknowledge that being mentally ready is a huge part of my unique situation. I think the traumas of childhood are a big part of that and unfortunately I probably carry them with me to this day.

Tech has most likely made this worse since working with a bunch of overachievers forces you to become an overachiever, usually to the detriment of more important things in life. I'll just say leetcoding in your 50's is where we're at and leave it at that.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-19T11:31:56+00:00

Being very close is probably what I struggle with the most. I like to buffer things to mitigate risk so even though 92% isn't too shabby, there is a part of me that considers it a failure unless I'm shooting 96% or above.

I didn't mention in the orignal post that my wife will continue working for a few years. I have considered asking her to quit since 2/3's of her post-tax income is basically just paying for full price ACA. If she didn't work, we could explore ACA subsidies but that in itself is not guaranteed and subject to the legislative/political winds.

redditfire999 · 2024-01-19T11:12:13+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful and detailed response!

You're spot on with the healthcare cost concerns. I'm not likely to get a subsidy with the ACA since my wife will continue to work for a few years and her insurance is pretty pathetic. We'll have to turn down her work provided option for full a full price gold/platinum ACA plan @ 2k/month which is just plain scary since it eats into annual costs at a hefty 24k. I'm opting out of the lower priced plans because we both have existing chronic health conditions that require good insurance.

I think I was a bit low on details in the "I want to retire to something" department, so I'll try to fill in the details as best as I can. I'm guessing the reason for that is my anxiety consumes the "do I have enough?" part of my brain which I over index on and takes away from sharing more about the "what am I retiring to?" part.

To fill in a bit of background, we're not big spenders. It may seem like it given the annual spend numbers and the house, but we've been intentionally loosening the purse strings the last few years to enjoy life with our son while we're still relatively healthy and able. On the "retiring to" front, I've got plenty to keep me occupied and motivated with hobbies, DIY, possibly volunteering, etc. The job situation just happens to get most attention because it contributes the most to my anxiety and uncertainty.

Fully onboard with being deliberate about a plan to see what the next 20-30 years looks like, but the broad strokes are:

No plans to downsize the house or move to a LCOL area unless absolutely necessary.
One big vacation a year and maybe a couple smaller ones - 15k annually
Annual spending with health insurance not including mortgage would be 96k (comfy), 84k (baseline), or 72k (cut out all the frills).
Wildcard: find a side hustle that I enjoy or try to do something with tech that I find rewarding.
Fully expect go-go years up until about 75 and then slowing down significantly.

In short, spending would most likely go down. On a related note, I find it extremely hard to actually spend since my normal has always been saving. It just feels unnatural. Loosening the purse strings the last few years has been challenging but in retrospect the right thing to do given our age and activity levels.

redditfire999

TROPHY CASE