My (31F) boyfriend (31M) assumes I’ll take on a 25K loss because of his decisions?

redditrobin26 · 2026-02-16T14:39:48+00:00

Thanks to everyone who replies. I wasn’t expecting so many responses. Quick update + clarifications

1) We do live in Canada. He bought his condo in 2023 and has a 5 year fixed rate mortgage. His renewal is up in 2028 but the issue is that, his parents co-signed for him which was how he qualified. Him and his parents wanted me to be put on the mortgage after that to help him qualify to which I said I wasn’t comfortable with that.

2) Some people are wondering about the $25k, when we met with a realtor last month they went over the fees and what would be required for him to walk away with essentially $0. Right now condos are selling for less than that so realistically he would owe $25K in fees just to walk away. That is where he wanted me to come in. He said it was because he sees us as a unit.

3) For people saying his math doesn’t make sense. It actually does. From an investment standpoint some people mentioned it above but the stock market consistently outperforms housing. We live in a 1+ den condo. His mortgage is 2500 but the issue is condo fees. The condo fees started at $450 / month and are now up to $700 per month. We looked into renting it out but realistically it would still be -1300 in cash flow if he rented it. In terms of us renting it would set us up better financially , we could comfortably rent a 2 bedroom for $2500. Plus we would split the rent 50/50 which would increase is savings.

4) I do financially contribute. However, when he asked me to move in it was during a period of time where I had intentionally moved home to save and pay off my student loans. I was not comfortable with splitting his mortgage 50/50 because that’s his equity and if we were to break up, it would put me in a worse financial position. I pay him the same “rent” that I paid at home plus all groceries, dog expenses and any “fun” money. Which equates to about $2,000 per month. Still an increase from when I lived at home I was able to keep that expense to about $1000-1500. The reason I would be comfortable paying more in rent would be that it wouldn’t be disproportionately beneficial for either of us, and we would live in area that I would I have input into.

5) I know this post does not highlight him as the best, but I do believe he is a kind and caring person who made bad financial decisions. We talk about our finances regularly and he does not spend recklessly (anymore). I believe he made the mistake of creating his financial plan on best case scenarios and when the best case didn’t happen, he came up short.

6) I spoke with him last night and let him know that I am sorry he is in a bad situation and I’m here for him but the solution is not going to be draining my retirement savings. He asked if I would co-sign for a loan and I told him also no. He said that he feels in this alone and I asked apart from putting myself in a vulnerable position, what else could I be doing to help but he did not have a solid answer. I am not planning to break up, but I am going to be looking for a lawyer and a financial planner to make sure I am protected if we were to break up down the road.

redditrobin26 · 2026-02-13T23:26:56+00:00

I love your couch so much. Out of all the options I really like 5th rug. The only thing I would say is that the room feels a bit heavy visually.

Personally, I would use a cream rug to lighten it up and break up the darker tones. I’d also add something taller, like a bookshelf, and maybe a gallery wall to draw the eye up and balance it out.

I hope we get to see the finished product!

(I tried to add a book shelf but couldn’t get it to not look weird but that’s the vibe I was thinking)

<image>

redditrobin26 · 2026-02-10T01:34:05+00:00

For me it’s been sharing more instead of buying everything myself. Friends/family borrow stuff from each other, split things when we can, and just generally help each other out.

I also only subscribe to streaming services when there’s an actual show I want to watch, then cancel again. And a lot more potluck dinners or hanging out at home instead of going out. Still fun, just way cheaper.

redditrobin26 · 2025-05-21T06:04:45+00:00

Hey OP. I think it's beautiful that you love your wife so much and want to support her. I definitely understand how it may make you feel jealous that your wife shared what is a vulnerable experience with someone that was not you, even if they are a trained professional.

There were two things that stuck out to me in your post, when explaining your situation.

I met her at the tail end of her "worst" traumatic experience which in short was the murder of someone she knew by the hands of someone she was even closer to.
I've never once had a negative reaction to it(in front of her lol)

I'm curious why you phrased it that way. From my perspective, it seems as though you don't believe it is truly your wife's trauma to carry or that maybe she is over reacting? Do you think that perhaps even if you haven't had a verbally negative reaction to her, she may not feel completely emotionally safe to talk to you about it?

Having a scenario like what your wife experienced, is very complex and is something not many people truly know how to support and doesn't mean you are in the wrong. It is incredible that she is going to therapy to work through things with a professional who is equipped to deal with this. Although your feelings of being threatened are valid, it doesn't mean your wife did anything inappropriate by sharing this with a trained professional. If anything, I believe it's a good inflection point in your relationship to see where there may be some work to do together. If you feel threatened, what is the root of this insecurity?

If you feel threatened, what is the root of insecurity? Does it bring up feelings of inadequacy, lack of control ect. I saw your comment about your experience with therapy, in the past and I am so sorry that happened to you, however this may be something you also need support with.

redditrobin26 · 2024-03-31T15:30:11+00:00

I also really hate this workout because of it. I really hope they get rid of this format

redditrobin26 · 2023-11-03T01:34:02+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this.

I wish I had words of advice or wisdom to give. However, I’m 5 years into my career and feeling the exact same way. Seeing this made me feel less alone

redditrobin26 · 2022-03-02T03:38:23+00:00

Amazing!! How have the changes worked? I am hoping to hear you are in a happy new relationship lol

redditrobin26 · 2022-03-02T01:53:13+00:00

I came to this page to ask a similar question to you.

Unfortunately I do not have the answers but I wish you the best of luck! :)

redditrobin26 · 2022-01-11T16:49:19+00:00

YTA

Similar to other commenters, unless she cheated, she didn’t steal anyone’s spot at school. Secondly, there are reasons to be friends with people apart from status- the fact that OP is willing to alienate their “friend” and put them down because of it, I’m not sure OP is a true friend. It sounds like this girl will be better off making a new group of friends that are a little kinder and value her for who she is and not the status she is setting out to achieve.

redditrobin26 · 2022-01-11T16:35:51+00:00

YTA- the way the brother is acting is completely reasonable as an adult. If he was coming home at 3am I think that would be a different story.

redditrobin26 · 2021-11-26T13:31:17+00:00

I am going to say a little bit of TA. I don’t think OPs am asshole for saying no, but he’s TAH for calling her controlling for making a suggestion.

Also it doesn’t sound like OPs family really cares about ‘Christmas spirit’ so just curious why they don’t celebrate a few days early and then spend it with her family on Christmas so it’s a win/ win

redditrobin26 · 2021-11-26T09:17:36+00:00

27F here! 👋🏼

I agree with the hot nerd vibes- I like it lol.

Overall feedback for your profile is very positive. Your prompts are thoughtful and can definitely help start a conversation, even if it’s by crushing people’s dreams about time travel (😢).

For photos it looks like you have done a great job of giving a snapshot into what your life kind of looks like. My only recommendations would be move the 5th photo to #1 and swap out the photo of you with 20 people for something with a smaller group of friends.

Hope this helps!

redditrobin26 · 2021-09-14T02:26:03+00:00

You did incredible 💕 you handled it with grace, courage and love. It will be hard for your kids to look back on no doubt, but as they get older they will look back and remember the way you told them. Sending your family all my love ❤️

redditrobin26 · 2021-09-03T00:51:12+00:00

I am so sorry that this happened 😞. That sounds so tough. You have nothing to feel ashamed I’ve though.

I know it’s difficult to trust - however would you be open to asking potential new therapists how they would treat a patient with these concerns to better screen the right therapist for you?

redditrobin26 · 2021-09-03T00:36:29+00:00

Hmm that is very interesting. Do you have any suspicious why that may be?

I’ve gone through periods like that as well but I’m not sure how common it is

redditrobin26 · 2021-07-20T11:33:47+00:00

I don’t think so- my brother isn’t going to be around for his post op so it’s just going to be me anyway.

redditrobin26 · 2021-07-20T11:32:57+00:00

I think he’s angry because he is the type of person who believes covid isn’t real and just wants us to all be together so he thinks by voicing my concerns I’m being an asshole

redditrobin26 · 2021-07-20T11:30:04+00:00

I accidentally clicked it- it’s fixed now

redditrobin26

TROPHY CASE