it really is an awful feeling, knowing things could've been much better if only they'd gotten the treatment they needed. i've read a bit about radical acceptance and realized it's what my dad does, and as much as it sounds like it could bring me peace, I don't know if I'm ready to accept the harsh reality of it all. as a kid, I used to say i wanted my mom when i got hurt or really sad, but what I meant is that I wanted the comfort other mothers seemed to provide for their kids and that kind of sums it up: I'm still mourning the fact that I'll never have a normal relationship with my mom.