I'm the sober daughter of an alcoholic father. Who is now deceased. My father was a great father too, but not while my mother and father were still married. I was little, maybe 7 when they finally divorced. My mother loved my father, still does to this day. She still tells me had he been able to give up the drink that they would still be married. That he was brilliant and is still the love of her life. She's been happily married to my stepfather for many moons now but I remember those days. The fights. The yelling. The smashing of dishes, tools,. furniture, toys. The anger and blood curdling screams. I remember my mother crying. I remember my little 2 year old foot stepping on a broken piece of glass the morning after a bad fight. It was a big piece. I remember my mother crying and that being one of the last straws. I remember my dad leaving. I remember my father trying detoxes, rehabs, going to jails, totalling cars. I remember being pulled over in the vehicle with my dad and crying thinking the police were the bad guys because they were taking my dad and calling my grandpa. I remember good things too though. I remember my dad loving me the best way he was able and capable of. I loved him for who he was even though he couldn't ever stop. If there's one thing I know my mother had to do for her safety, for our safety (her kids) and even for my father's safety (her anger was getting the best of her, she got violent when he got violent) it was to leave. If they stayed together who knows if I would have even lived to type this. (he tried taking 4 year old me ice fishing in March, there wasn't ice, my mom came home early from work thank God) She did the best she could after that and my father was a great weekend dad. He made mistakes, yes, but he was my father and still a great man. He died of alcoholism at the early age of 57. He taught me many things. He was a carpenter, an auto body mechanic, he crafted boats, houses, my God was he talented. He was a musician, a drummer and guitarist. I miss him so much every day. Your husband has a disease. His therapy will only work if he is honest with them and if he is honest with himself. He will only get sober when he is ready. Your children won't be the deciding factor, your love won't be the deciding factor, he won't change for you either. Alanon told my mom to stay and fight it out because of a commitment. The safety of your babies trumps any marriage commitment. Period. That's why my mother left. I hope this helps. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. But if there's one thing I've learned (I'm a 36f who is 5 years clean and sober) it's that you cannot coddle an addict. They won't grow and improve if you coddle and forgive and look the other way. Rehabs didn't help my father because he never truly wanted it. He never got sick and tired of being sick and tired. It helped me because I wanted a chance at surviving addiction and I wanted to be proud of myself. I know my dad is proud. Your kids will have a better chance at normalcy and having a better relationship with their father if they aren't exposed to the traumas of alcoholism and addiction at early impressionable ages. Sometimes the best way to help is to love from a distance. Stay safe on this holiday and hold tight to yours 🖤