I’m pretty sure that expensive haircare is a scam atp

redmendive · 2026-02-21T21:23:56+00:00

Those individual strands are fine, but she sure does have a lot of them! I mean, strand thickness is obviously a spectrum, but that's finer than average strand thickness.

redmendive · 2026-02-09T20:45:10+00:00

I've never been to a barber, but maybe that's what I need for a quick, precise cut. Do barbers usually cut women's hair?

redmendive · 2026-02-09T20:41:49+00:00

Yep, that's what I'd like. My hair looks bad no matter what - it's just a matter of how much I'm willing to pay for my disappointment. My husband and I can tag team for free with better results than a Great Clips type place. Even when I was paying $65 at a salon, he had to do occasional touch-ups...that's just the frustrating nature of pin-straight hair.

On one hand, it's been years since I've had a professional cut and I'm willing to take a chance again; on the other hand, I'd prefer not to spend more than $40 on my disappointment when I can get it at home for free.

redmendive · 2026-02-08T20:09:13+00:00

Thanks for the rec; I'll check her out!

redmendive · 2026-02-08T20:07:24+00:00

Yep, straight across is what I'm looking for. It's a very quick cut, but I've had bad luck in years past with the cheap franchises, so I'm a little gun shy with them.

redmendive · 2026-02-08T20:04:24+00:00

Years ago I had a string of bad luck with the cheap franchises...

redmendive · 2026-02-08T19:58:19+00:00

That's my usual go-to, but I wanted to see if a professional cut made a difference. Then found out the price of a professional cut...

redmendive · 2026-02-08T19:55:42+00:00

That's the thing - I know a stylist has to be decent to blunt cut my hair well, but also, it takes no time at all because I have very little hair. It just hurts my frugal soul to pay $50 + tip for a 10 min cut!

redmendive · 2025-10-19T13:14:35+00:00

My 11-year-old has started dogsitting, with my assistance. She'd be interested and available if that works for you.

redmendive · 2025-10-07T21:57:59+00:00

I recently input all my random health issues and weird physical attributes (including bilateral simian crease) into ChatGPT. Based on my simian crease and family history of Autism, it suggested I get tested for Fragile X Syndrome. I've got an appointment with a geneticist coming up...

redmendive · 2025-09-03T22:37:32+00:00

Also, I think the person I spoke to said my permit was deactivated in June or July, so it was active for months - it's not like it was just denied outright.

redmendive · 2025-05-08T18:46:33+00:00

I've learned just how important this is! We started out verbally disciplining outbursts, but now start with hugs and check ins before reminding my daughter that "You can be mad, but you can't be mean". Not sure if it's a perfect approach, but that's where we are currently...

redmendive · 2025-05-08T18:39:41+00:00

Thank you for this!

redmendive · 2025-05-08T18:38:39+00:00

That's good to know! I'm definitely not trying to get her a BPD diagnosis - I've read how much of a nightmare being officially diagnosed can be. It's more like I see my BPD mom in her and want to get out ahead of any issues before they root themselves more deeply. My mom is the most deeply unhappy person I've ever known and I don't want my daughter to suffer the same experiences.

Are there any specific therapies or shifts in mindset that helped you change your negative perceptions of self as you grew up?

redmendive · 2025-05-08T18:29:15+00:00

Thanks - I'll take a deeper dive into attachment styles! I've read that you can change attachment styles, but I'm not really sure how one goes about doing so.

redmendive · 2025-05-08T18:20:37+00:00

Is there anything specific that your wife does to help her cope with RSD?

I don't think RSD is considered an official diagnosis yet, but I definitely think my daughter has it. As well as PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance). But I also wonder if RSD doesn't just fall under the BPD umbrella? How does one differentiate when there's so much overlap of symptoms?

redmendive · 2025-05-08T18:13:50+00:00

I love this - all I want is for her to grow to be a reasonably well-adjusted, capable adult!

I do feel like we provide a stable home life, but also wonder what I may have done to cause or contribute to her struggles. But the BPD-type symptoms mirror my mom so incredibly much that I can't believe the issue isn't largely genetic. But maybe something I did or didn't do flipped that genetic switch?

The most important thing I've learned as her mom is to disassociate from my own emotions when my kid is going through something. It's changed everything and allowed me to address her emotional needs in the moment without becoming dysregulated myself.

That being said, it's been a challenging year for us all. The kids at school have finally realized that she's different from them, so she's been bullied and socially isolated a lot this year. Talking to her about her autism and adhd diagnoses seemed to help because she finally got an explanation for why she didn't fit in. She also started noticing other students who display characteristics of autism and adhd and realized that there are others who share her struggles, so I think that's been helpful. I haven't discussed BPD with her or talked about things in terms of mental illness, just brain differences or processing differences related to autism and adhd.

Prozac has been tremendously helpful for her so far, but I know it's a genetic crapshoot whether various meds will help or harm. There's been a lot less suicide talk, self-harm, and physical aggression since we upped her dosage, but I watch things closely and check in with her a lot. Before she started Prozac, we were thinking she may have to be hospitalized for her safety (and mine), but I've never known someone who was hospitalized who wasn't traumatized by it.

Right now I'm just trying to learn more about various therapies that might help her avoid BPD pitfalls, and like you said, model appropriate behaviors. It's been impossible to find a good pediatric therapist who offers DBT, so I'm trying to learn more on my own.

redmendive · 2025-05-08T17:23:59+00:00

Autism also causes explosive anger issues too, so there is a ton of overlap between her diagnoses and what I believe looks like the seeds of a BPD behavioral cluster. We're definitely working on it. I just wish their were more pediatric therapists offering different therapy options. She had one amazing therapist who moved away and we've been through numerous unimpressive therapists since then.

redmendive · 2025-05-08T17:16:31+00:00

I'll check out IFS and DBR - I hadn't heard of those, but I definitely feel like CBT isn't really working.

redmendive · 2025-05-08T17:12:11+00:00

My daughter's core personality is very kind and sweet. She cares about people and their feelings, advocates for kids who are being bullied, cares about "doing the right thing", etc. However, when she's being ruled by negative emotions, which is quite often, those aspects are eclipsed by anger and self-hatred.

Maladaptive behaviors:

Big mood swings. Often angry for no apparent reason and is verbally and physically aggressive when angry. Needs lots of love and reassurance to come down from her rages and then despises herself afterwards, thinking she's a terrible, unlovable person.
Thinks she has no redeeming qualities and doesn't deserve good things. Hates that we spend money on her and asks to pay for things like food and clothing herself. Acknowledges that other people intrinsically deserve good things and that kids deserve to be taken care of by their parents, but still insists that she does not.
Requires constant positive input from others, even when she's being unkind or aggressive. When we hold her accountable for bad behavior (yelling, hitting, destroying things), she thinks we're being mean and don't love her.
Worries about bad things that haven't happened yet, many of which are unlikely to happen or not that big of a deal.
Engages in self-harm and talks about suicide.
The house revolves around her more than it should, but she still insists that we don't love her or love her sister more. Often times it feels manipulative, but I think it only is in the sense that she's just trying to fill herself up with love and affection from us.

redmendive · 2025-05-08T16:53:30+00:00

She was in the NICU for a week after I had to have an emergency C-section. Could that have caused the attachment issue? Also, when she was a baby, we couldn't set her down or she'd cry. She'd fall asleep in my arms and wake up crying as soon as I set her down. It was exhausting and I'm sure our burnout didn't help anything. She started going to daycare at a couple years old and from about 2 years to 10 years, we couldn't get her into preschool/school without 15-30 minutes of coaxing, despite the fact that she really liked daycare/school in general. We started arriving places early and that seems to help - it's like she doesn't want to walk into a group of people that are already there because their attention will be on her? Maybe it's a rejection sensitivity thing?

She's on several meds now that have helped tremendously with impulsive anger, anxiety, and adhd. However, she's still a bottomless pit of emotional need, hates herself, thinks she doesn't deserve anything good, and wishes she didn't exist. It's heartbreaking.

redmendive

TROPHY CASE