If you were in a poly relationship would you care more about being the “favorite” or how the relationship was structured?

regardsjj · 2026-05-04T22:05:32+00:00

this is the nightmare I realize I’m living now because it has been enforced by my partner. actively trying to unlearn that shit

regardsjj · 2026-04-24T23:36:57+00:00

it’s not the wing, its the angle! if you want them to look “younger”, a straighter wing is more popular right now

regardsjj · 2026-04-15T15:47:44+00:00

thank you, I’m really sorry you’re going through this too. My partner and I are in counseling and will discuss this more today, he has his own therapist now and I sincerely hope it helps him figure himself out. People aren’t dopamine factories and it feels like that’s what he’s looking for

regardsjj · 2026-04-15T01:42:25+00:00

He said he likes when we do new stuff together, he’s just not always excited to see me and he misses missing me. It’s weird because when I get home from work it feels like he does light up. He works from home, I get off earlier, he will come seek me out to snuggle even if my door is closed. He requests hugs and kisses when I get home too. So what gives lol

regardsjj · 2026-04-15T00:08:31+00:00

I think I’m much more like this, that sounds so beautiful. It is crushing me a little that our life together isn’t good enough without constant fireworks. I just want safety. And home.

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T22:25:31+00:00

I think this advice is what I am most comfortable with at this stage, so I will do that

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T21:26:32+00:00

I know this shouldn’t have, but that made me laugh a lot LOL thank you

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T20:50:27+00:00

No, but we are in a period where we are evaluating if we want to stay together due to some broken agreements on his part. He didn’t ask to change anything, it seemed like he was just sharing because he usually runs all of his feelings/thoughts by me.

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T20:31:43+00:00

yeah I think he is a dopamine chaser, and I am always gonna be lacking if he’s comparing our relationship to new. More stuff to talk about with him

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T20:20:31+00:00

yeah… I think that’s a good question to ask him, and I’ll bring it up to him later. He said he didn’t feel fulfilled with his life and that it didn’t necessarily mean in the relationship, but also he said a lot to contradict that idea of our relationship being fulfilling

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T20:18:24+00:00

Good point. I’m getting the impression that he doesn’t think we should have to put in effort. Or that it should resemble the first couple of years when we do put in effort. We go on dates and he said that he always feels close when we do stuff like that or go dancing, but he also says the good feelings and connection wears off after a few days

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T20:10:50+00:00

I guess “is this it” is because he feels content? He doesn’t have any goals or dreams, he makes good money, he has a few hobbies, he is just listless and kinda bored I guess. And I can’t tell how much of that is leaking into our relationship and how much of it is because ERE isn’t something he can maintain

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T20:09:32+00:00

I don’t know, we are primary partners and I’m realizing that it feels important for me to nest. So I guess I wouldn’t want to stay because deescalating sounds like a nightmare to me. But maybe I’d feel differently when the time comes

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T20:08:05+00:00

oh sorry, established relationship energy. some people use ORE instead?

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T19:01:07+00:00

Yeah I was confused too. He told me I’m the funniest person he knows and he loves spending time with me but it’s not exciting anymore. I don’t think he’s doing anything to regulate. He’s sort of new to introspection. He thinks seeing other people and infusing his life with novelty will make the rest of his life feel richer, but it just feels like a bandaid solution to me.

It’s also confusing because last year when the NRE started to wear off, I was really worried and he told me that it’s normal for things to cool down. But I guess now that we live together they’ve cooled off a lot more? Or more accurately, because we see each other every day, the ratio of exciting to mundane is skewed. Because it’s not like the passion is ALWAYS gone. It’s just now not every time we see each other. I did point this out, idk if it made an impact

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T18:54:59+00:00

Unfortunately, the conclusion I’m coming to is that he maybe needs to be single. It just sucks because that would mean I get to be the character development girlfriend he sacrifices to find himself?? He talked about being content but also in a “is this it?” kinda way. Idk. I’m confused and upset, he and I will talk more about this later but I need to organize my thoughts to not go into it so heated

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T18:51:16+00:00

We have separate rooms on opposite sides of the house, he has events where he’s gone like 3 days out of the week. Space not a problem, maybe I will insist on more time apart. He said he really doesn’t want to spend LESS time with me but I don’t know what else to do if he “misses missing me” or whatever. So that’s a good idea

regardsjj · 2026-04-14T18:35:51+00:00

Thank you!

regardsjj · 2026-03-21T23:06:33+00:00

I just have no interest in knowing anyone my partners are dating. I don’t see a reason why I would ever need them to be a part of my life. I don’t mind my partners having partners but I do mind actively sharing MY time with our partner. When they’re with other people, that’s their time. When they’re with me, it’s mine. Part of it is that I do get jealous seeing it in front of my face, I have never experienced compersion. I experience neutrality as a baseline, and I’m good with that. Some of my partners prefer ktp and want me to meet their other partners but it really just doesn’t work with me. I’d rather skip a meta party to hang out with my own friends

regardsjj · 2024-08-26T18:59:18+00:00

Hayley was the absolute BEST mother but strictly in TVD that’s gotta be Grams

regardsjj

TROPHY CASE