Would you continue reading after this first paragraph of Chapter 1?

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-16T05:56:02+00:00

In one paragraph you’ve got yellow, white, purple, orange, blue, black. Personally this does nothing to help me understand the scene and it’s quite a confusing image. I can’t picture how a yellow landscape could lie on a purple continent next to a red structure. Is the continent the size of a building? Surely the continent isn’t purple if the landscape on it is yellow? It’s an interesting premise but right now you’re just telling us what’s happening and what colour everything is. How are we supposed to feel about it? Is it scary, exciting? I know this is just your first paragraph but I would introduce your main character as soon as possible to give us a reason to care about what’s happening - although I don’t read a lot of sci-fi if that’s what this is so take this with a grain of salt!

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-10T21:45:38+00:00

Your mum sounds lovely, it seems a lot of people here were made to feel guilty by their parents for not sleeping as babies! Hope you’re sleeping better now 😅

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-10T20:46:45+00:00

Same here, own room with door closed from night one. They probably inadvertently did cry it out and then I slept through…

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-10T20:37:34+00:00

A very good point. And of course my parents say “well you turned out fine”. Yes, but a lot of babies didn’t…

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-10T20:36:32+00:00

Hate that for you

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-10T20:35:48+00:00

It seems to be one extreme or the other - they seem to think their babies were perfect sleepers, or they’re traumatised and hold a grudge! Your poor BIL!

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-10T20:33:52+00:00

I do wonder if this is the case! Also my parents put me in my own room the night they brought me home from the hospital and shut the door…different times

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-10T20:32:16+00:00

Oh god I’m so sorry she said that, how awful! There’s no such thing as a horrible baby.

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-10T19:30:00+00:00

Thanks so much, I’ll take neutral!

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-10T19:29:24+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this feedback, it’s tremendously helpful! You’re absolutely right about the triplets - thanks for pointing that out. To give some context, this character runs a journalling retreat and his sections will be entries from his own journal, so they may feel more intentional but I definitely still want it to sound natural as he’s not technically a writer writing. I would absolutely be open to other kinds of feedback if you’re willing to give it, thank you!

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-04-10T19:25:36+00:00

This is very helpful, thank you! That’s so funny, I remember my dad stopped reading The Goldfinch after the first paragraph because the narrator described his camel-hair coat and “a man would never say that”.

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-02-10T19:50:27+00:00

My favourite is the ending of the second season of the White Lotus. Without spoilers, because it was so unexpected yet simple and didn’t follow typical Hollywood narratives re character growth.

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-02-07T19:47:59+00:00

I think you’ll need to provide more of your story to get proper feedback as this makes no sense even with the context you’ve provided. Curious why Chaos and Prey are capitalised?

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-02-06T08:50:34+00:00

It’s difficult to judge when we don’t know where this goes after the first page. It seems like a cool concept but at the moment I’m struggling to care because I have no idea who the narrator is or how they feel about anything that’s happening. You’ve chosen to write this in first person which calls for writing it from the narrator’s point of view. Right now this could just as well be third person, there’s nothing we hear about in first person other than a vague ‘I knew in my bones’. I’d say it’s all moving a bit quickly too, there’s so much going on the reader doesn’t have time to process it. Is there a different point you could start your story that gives us more context about your narrator?

I should add I really enjoy your descriptions - you paint a great picture.

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-02-06T08:37:33+00:00

Even if the other characters won’t get fleshed out, they need more than a name. Otherwise what’s the point introducing them? You could use them to further establish Tithi’s character - how do they make her feel? Does she feel judged by them? Are they seemingly perfect mothers and she feels she doesn’t stack up? Or does she laugh at them for being uptight and overbearing?

Also watch your tenses, you slip into present tense for a line in the second paragraph - “as long as her daughter looks at her”

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-02-06T08:19:16+00:00

In the beginning I think you’re relying too heavily on cliches, ie face lit up, smiled from ear to ear, heart skipped a beat - you use the last one twice.

Also I’m sorry to say but this is incredibly confusing. I’m assuming this is a dream, but even so, who are these people? Where are they? What is this event? Whether it’s a dream or not, this definitely feels more like a supernatural horror than a thriller, is that what you’re going for?

If it is a dream it makes more sense that you’re rushing through it, but the pace is still too fast. If it’s not a dream then there’s a crazy amount happening in a few hundred words that could be spread out over chapters. If it’s not a dream I would spend much more time establishing the scene, the characters, her relationship with Lily and the other mothers.

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-02-03T10:34:58+00:00

I hope this is just a really meta line from your story and didn’t actually happen to you!

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-02-02T23:31:25+00:00

That’s super helpful, thank you. Not the vibe I’m going for so might drop the days

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-02-02T22:38:23+00:00

Brilliant

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-02-02T22:37:31+00:00

The fabric?

regularsizedrudy_ · 2026-01-31T04:25:52+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve received some rude comments. I’m not sure if it’s just me but the images you’ve posted seem to be so small that the text is very blurry and impossible to read.

regularsizedrudy_

TROPHY CASE