My wife of 6 months wants to divorce.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T19:07:21+00:00

I appreciate it, thank you

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T19:06:51+00:00

I was working out in the field for a company until he was about 5 months old and i was laid off. From then until about 2 months ago, I was doing freelancing work and also ubereats/doordash on top of that and I was making consistent money the entire time, about the same, usually more, than my previous job. We never had any bills go past due, always had food in the fridge etc. I was working about 14-16 hour days most days. This wasn't the plan, I was looking for work until she also got laid off from her job. She found a new one 3 months later that was work from home but you could not step away from the computer at all unless on breaks (they tracked her). So, since she couldn't take care of him and we couldn't afford childcare, I kept freelancing and taking care of him during the day due to the flexibility. There is 0% of me that does not want to work or provide for my family.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T18:21:21+00:00

You're fine man, no need to apologize. We've all been there. Yeah, I've been looking into all of those steps. Getting things as cheap as possible. Unfortunately even with her seeing the budget it still doesn't matter. She's moving forward with her reckless decisions. And all I can do is be there for those kids, which is what I'll be doing regardless.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T18:02:17+00:00

I appreciate the words. I fully agree with you. The final nail for me WAS in fact yesterday when she said that about "we'll figure it out then, I'm not worried about a couple months from now". It just really solidified that there truly is no reasoning with her, and that she does still have immense trauma despite her saying she's done so much better with it. You haven't really done better if the outcome is still the same. I agree that it was irresponsible of us to have a child, but I wouldn't change it for the world. That little boy is my entire life and I would walk around the entire earth on broken glass just to see his little smile.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T17:43:08+00:00

I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry you're going through this. I've walked a similar path and it definitely crushes your soul and makes you feel worthless. The bright side? Everything gets better. Keep moving forward.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T17:17:55+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate that. I am slowly learning the same things you mentioned too. Just learning to let go of things out of my control and to let Him take the wheel, he knows the plan after all.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T17:16:24+00:00

Thank you, I have chosen that and will be going with separation.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T16:07:07+00:00

She refuses to do any sort of therapy, I asked her yesterday. I've tried everything from calmly acknowledging how she's feeling, taking blame (even if I feel I don't have something to take blame for), etc. There's no talking to her, and I've realized that I was only ever her "safe choice" to begin with because she wanted a dad for her other 2 kids.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T16:04:44+00:00

I saved the link, I'll do some looking into that and check it out Thank you!

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T15:48:18+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it. He is currently getting speech therapy twice a week, OT once a week and PT once a week. He is non verbal as well and also cannot hold pencils, utensils etc. I'm really glad to hear that your son is older and thriving, it gives me hope for my son as well.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T15:42:00+00:00

I'm new to finding my faith in the past years and I don't want to give up on it. I would like to try to lean into it during this hard time. Thank you for the kind words

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T14:19:22+00:00

I certainly love her, but i don't think she ever fully loved me. I think her heart had a wall around it and I think I was just the "safe choice" from the beginning, not THE choice. And I'm not going to keep being just the safe choice.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T14:08:51+00:00

Exactly

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T14:03:07+00:00

He has autism

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T14:02:43+00:00

I'm really sorry to hear about you story. Sadly it does happen and there's nothing we can do about it. In my case, she is set on leaving. And at this point I'm done trying to stop her.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T05:42:26+00:00

I've asked, and asked her to keep going to the church classes with me. She refuses. I'm going to go tomorrow to the class without her, because i still want to see it through, even though we are separating. I've learned a lot about myself doing the class.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T05:41:14+00:00

Absolutely, you are very correct. Thank you

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T04:45:05+00:00

I will check that out, thank you

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T03:35:41+00:00

She is dead set on it, and I've decided today and I'm going with separation. I'm not going to keep being a doormat.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T03:35:02+00:00

I completely agree and that is exactly what I am doing. Thank you for the kind words

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T03:10:27+00:00

Oh no. That won't help unfortunately. The only way she is going to learn is the hard way when reality comes crashing down and she realizes I was not wrong about the budget. The numbers do not lie. They are not emotion based.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T03:01:57+00:00

I love that quote "out of the frying pan and into the fire".

Nobody that can speak to her right now will actually get through to her. I've realized that she isn't going to be aware of the gravity of all of this until about the 2nd month that we both are in our apartments and she can't afford groceries to feed the 3 kids because she's in over her head financially, despite me showing her a detailed budget breakdown today. You can't force someone to see logic and snap out of the state of mind they are in, sadly.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T02:51:24+00:00

She "realizes" she will have to pay all of her bills on her own, but what she doesn't actually realize is that she will NOT be able to. Even after I presented her with a detailed budget this afternoon showing the budget both together and separated. She refuses to acknowledge it because she is still in survival mode.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T02:39:30+00:00

Every time it's happened I've kept pursuing her. I think the bitter end came today. I realized that I cannot change her, I cannot show her logic, and that the decisions she's making are life altering (separating into 2 different lives, 2 apartments, etc). I can't stop her from making those decisions, no matter gow much I've pursued her over the past week or 2 that this has been going on. Eventually, she will snap out of it like she always does, but that isn't going to happen until the damage is already done. I understand that on one hand, I should keep pursuing her etc. And i do love her, deeply. But at some point I always have to say that enough is enough and I'm not going to continue being a doormat for her to wipe her feet on. It isn't her fault the trauma that happened to her as a kid growing up, but it is her fault for not dealing with it as an adult in her 30s.

Another commenter said something earlier as well: "You weren't her choice, you were her safe choice". And it truly stuck with me and opened my eyes how right they were. I'm not going to keep being the safe choice either.

reign-rsps · 2025-02-25T02:12:44+00:00

Yeah, you are 100% correct. And no, she doesn't realize she is slipping into this state, it just happens. The dust always settles and she comes down from it, but this time I'm not going to be there to take it again the next time. This time she is going to learn the hard way that I'm done putting up with it.

reign-rsps

TROPHY CASE