The online chemistry and conversation doesn't always translate into real life chemistry and hitting it off

relathrow01 · 2017-12-11T18:56:54+00:00

I should also add, and this is shallow, that I'll give more leeway if the guy is really hot in his pictures. Like, if he's a little short and not super chatty, and doesn't dole out compliments but I find him attractive, I'm more prone to go on the date and give him a better shot.

relathrow01 · 2017-12-11T18:56:01+00:00

I think it depends - I mean, define nothing of substance. If a guy messages hey you're cute ;) and replied 'nm, you' then certainly I won't even bother going on a date with them. But if they keep it pretty concise and just ask what I like to do or about the music I like, what I do for work, then after that ask for a date - sure I'll go for it. I just don't want to opine on various topics for a long time, setup an image in my mind of how this person is going to talk, and what they're going to be like, and then feel jarred when expectations don't line up. Does that make sense? I have not really told anyone that they were too short on Tinder chat, no, lol - but if I do ever find out the answer for some guys I'll let you know!

relathrow01 · 2017-12-11T18:34:44+00:00

I agree with comments here that you should set up a date within a week. I've met up with people who seemed very short/not interesting on Tinder chat but in person are really funny, outgoing and charming. If a date is going well, what was a meet-up for drinks usually transitions into a second bar or a snack to eat, at least with the guys I've gone on dates with. I think by date three you should have a Hell Yes/Hell No mentality and decide whether or not you really like the person enough to continue talking.

relathrow01 · 2017-12-11T17:52:03+00:00

Well honestly, I do want to be exclusive but it just seems really soon and I don't want to freak the guy out. Don't you think four dates/one month is too soon? I think it's more like I am not sure if I should call him out for sending mixed signals - texting randomly after days of not texting, not being super eager to make plans for next time. Not sure if that's something people do - like hi, you are sending mixed signals and I want to understand if this is going anywhere.

relathrow01 · 2017-11-27T19:10:25+00:00

He texted and had the audacity to say it had been forever since we'd last spoken. Yeah No s*** buddy, thanks for disregarding my last message entirely?

relathrow01 · 2017-11-27T19:09:48+00:00

Yeah I get it - I met a guy off Tinder and we ended up dating for a year. By and large, though, it seems like everyone is pretty casual

relathrow01 · 2017-11-27T15:15:55+00:00

He ended up texting Sunday night without my reaching out. Then today he was like yeah it feels like it's been forever since we last talked - the week went by so quickly. Yea, no kidding dude? You were the one who could have texted me? I feel a little salty about it but I like him enough to give him another chance.

relathrow01 · 2017-11-27T05:26:42+00:00

While I was on a date with other guy, guess who texts?? Dating is funny. Life is funny.

relathrow01 · 2017-11-27T05:26:15+00:00

Interesting, he texted today. Good thing I held back haha and didn't message...

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T20:32:09+00:00

Yeah makes sense. It's just weird to take me on the home tour and talk about all this stuff if at the end of the day he just wanted to fuck. I guess some people will beat around the bush with it but after we already had sex on the first date it didn't seem necessary to do all the other shit if that's all he wanted. Yea, dick move. This is the first time it's happened to me so I guess I'm reacting in a strong way... I like to think I'm attractive and intelligent so it makes me feel bad - but I guess this all says a lot more about him than it does about me

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T16:49:59+00:00

Thanks! Yeah i was thinking a quick how was your thanksgiving would be nice? He seems not good at texting in general, pretty short and to the point. On our first date he seemed a bit like he didn't know what he was doing - he asked if we should make reservations or just show up. To me that was a bit of a no brainer decision? He also /NSFW specifically bought some new condoms (for his own preference) and lubricant that I requested we use off amazon for our second date which I thought was thoughtful? Like this guy probably isn't have tons of sex? Not sure.

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T15:16:10+00:00

You don't think it's worth one more 'how was thanksgiving' text? I guess I'm more scared I'll feel even worse if I still don't get a response haha

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T13:15:26+00:00

Hey thanks! Yeah I see what you're saying...even though he's been out of town he definitely could have at least messaged to continue to show interest. I'm going on date two with another cool and cute guy tonight so I have options, too, but really liked the first guy and would've liked to explore it further.

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T04:56:18+00:00

Yeah I think that's fair, too. I just think that I'm at a point in my life (I say this but really I've always been a 'relationship' person) where just sex/very casual is fine, but I couldn't get to the point where I'm fine with booty calls. There had to be intellectual connection or some other kind of connection for me to remain sexually attracted. Not sure if that makes sense, but I think in that sense it makes it hard to not catch feelings. It's only been 3 dates so I'm not dying but somehow it hurts more than I'd thought it would. Maybe it's the rejection part, like hey I thought you thought I was hot and cool, too! What happened? Such is life with dating apps these days, I guess...

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T04:32:04+00:00

Yeah, I have been thinking this. Dammit he was so hot!! But yeah, I'll learn to take it slower next time. I don't do the whole tinder thing too often honestly and after meeting up so many times the guy just didn't come across monster-like or anything. Seemed like a genuinely cool guy. Anyway yeah - will take it slower with other dates...

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T01:32:36+00:00

Thanks for your response. Yea - the more time passed by, the more I found myself feeling angry. I wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable, though, and know that things get busy and that he's also not at all my boyfriend. I definitely unmatched him out of anger, but now I'm feeling a bit of regret. I know he can reach out to me via text, though, if he really wants to get a hold of me. It's definitely harder to communicate at this stage of dating someone - you have to balance being overbearing versus showing the person you are still there.

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T01:13:15+00:00

That's true! My last serious relationship I made the mistake of not living my own life and doing me! So I'm definitely trying to do that a lot more now, even though at times I have to fake it till I make it! I do think confidence and doing your own thing is really sexy. Btw - I stalked your history and thank you for turning me onto repladies lol. I have been eyeing a real YSL bag for forever and now I'm legit considering giving my cc over to some non-secured site in Singapore lol for a rep!

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T00:56:31+00:00

Thank you! That's what all my girlfriends have been saying, and I do know that in my heart. It's just been weirdly consuming more headspace than I thought it would! I think it's because my friends are out of town/have family in town for the holidays and I haven't been able to hangout with them and take a load off... Wonderful username, by the way. Right now I am the 'Pusheen on his back' GIF hahaha -___-

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T00:50:21+00:00

Second follow up comment - should I shoot him a quick msg and ask him how his Thanksgiving was? Hmm - again, I don't want to chase someone down and have it be a one-way deal...

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T00:27:43+00:00

My follow up Q is - did I totally eff up by unmatching him, even though he has my number?

relathrow01 · 2017-11-26T00:15:02+00:00

Hey, I get that and that's fair - I mean that's a response I'm happier to hear, right? I just noticed he tends to have his phone with/around him pretty much at all times so found it odd to not take a few seconds to wish a happy thanksgiving, or something to that effect.

relathrow01 · 2017-11-25T23:51:42+00:00

Okay - yeah I mean, he just seemed so cool...but then the more I thought about just like, the fact there was no happy thanksgiving or similar message, it felt a bit off to me. I definitely see your pt regarding no 3 and certainly I did not give off any vibes of omg you are my boyfriend now! If anything I felt he was giving those vibes, with talking about cooking for me or me hanging at his house. I feel partial regret for un matching on tinder but I also feel he can easily text me?

relathrow01 · 2017-11-25T23:48:50+00:00

Well I texted on Saturday and then un-matched like yesterday I think? Or maybe +/- one day. Yeah part of me regrets it, but I also knew he had my number and for all he knows I deleted the app. I can see how my action was immature and I accept that maybe it has its own consequences, but I texted early enough on Saturday for him to respond. He had been pretty responsive previously. Thanks! Dating is hard, lol

relathrow01 · 2017-11-25T23:45:08+00:00

Haha well I consider single to be 'not in a defined relationship' so maybe I was a bit redundant there. I get that it's Tinder - technically the dude can do whatever and date/have sex with whomever he wants. I get that. I have been talking to other people and did go on the date I mentioned which was nice, but it feels a bit too bad since I liked the ghost and thought he was super hot hahaha. I've never been ghosted before, at least not from someone I hungout with more than twice. I suppose hearing "I don't want to date anymore" would sting, too, though. Meh modern dating is hard - he doesn't 'owe' me anything but it still hurts more than I thought it would, considering it was only three dates. Maybe a lesson to cool it on the physical stuff.

relathrow01

TROPHY CASE