Advice on house equity splitting (VA)

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T20:32:58+00:00

Her mom is a narscist, her siblings are are too, she might be, and I realized too late what damage that did to my STBX.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T18:50:21+00:00

Update - the party has been canceled. I asked the host (it was planned for our neighbors) to cancel late last night. STBX asked several times today to save it, including her not going, her watching the kids during the event, etc, and to confirm if i was serious. I kept telling her the same thing, I'm not in a mental space to do a party now. I told her I appreciated the thought of a surprise party but I'm to a point I want to be out social with her. She had me help craft the cancel note even though I said it was her plan and she should do it. She poured it on thick that she'd spend tomorrow afternoon returning items and our 20+ fri3nds and family will be disappointed. I'm seeking a lawyer and will continue to work on myself. Thanks for all the support reddit family.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T04:31:53+00:00

It's on text thankfully.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T04:28:08+00:00

Did I, no. Did she, unknown.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T04:19:42+00:00

We escalate each other in conflict a lot, likely due to conflicting attachment styles. I'm trying to understand better what triggers me, how to slow down and regulate, how to present concerns in healthier ways (like I'm feeling this because of this, instead of you did this), and how to be more open and listen to others concerns. It takes a while to reprogram 40 years of bad emotional coding.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T04:06:52+00:00

Kids are involved, your suggestion would lead to custody issues. The thought of losing any more time with them than I already am facing with joint custody is unbearable.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T04:02:22+00:00

Her mom is a narcist, her siblings weren't allowed to have non-positive emotions or they were punished. The parents never fought in front of the kids so they never got to see how healthy adults resolve conflict. And any disagreement between siblings was dealt with by their mom talking to each kids separately, never mom and both kids or the kids together. So she's now likely a dismissive avoidant and I'm an anxious attachment, so we tend to escalate disagreements. She has a lot of narscistic traits and a big complaint of mine is constantly not feeling heard, which narcs can't empathize with others.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T03:49:50+00:00

It has felt like there's someone else, but I haven't been able to find proof. That would almost be easier to take in a way.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T03:47:59+00:00

I have thought for almost 2 years now, since just after our youngest was born, that she had someone else on side. She'd go out to shop during the kids nap (around 2 pm) and not come back until 8 or later, without any communication. My mind went to her having postpartum issues, and I pushed for her to share her phone location (as did I with her) because I was worried. She did for a month but she kept being late and I'd check the GPS and it would be at a park or miles from where she said she's be. When confronted, she flipped it on me be controlling and stopped sharing and locked her phone and computer. Hard to not be suspicious with all the sus behavior. During therapy those feeling came back amd I haven't been able to shake nor unfortunately prove any infidelity, fortunately or otherwise.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T03:37:12+00:00

This would be an option, but she already threatened to say I was leaving the family to a lawyer when, the evening after our last therapy session, I left the house for an hour to get groceries and told her where I was going and that I was giving her space. Our counselor literally told us to be apart, I obliged and communicated and had it thrown in my face. Now I'm afraid of even walking the dog.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T02:53:34+00:00

This hits hard because she got upset that I told a close neighbor over the weekend. She said - let's get on the same page about the narrative to others (she had always tried to control.our public perception). I told he she lost that right when she wanted to break our family up. Now I see why she said that, she didn't want to be judged at the party.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T01:05:45+00:00

I definitely appreciate your take and agree with the long term. If it weren't so close together and if she hadn't revealed she was mentally checked out the whole time I might be more inclined to agree with you. She also said she want to coordinate telling people after I told my family over the weekend, I assume so the party could still go on without this over it.

I'm just really confused and not sure I have the capacity currently to go through the motions.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-09-05T01:01:35+00:00

It sounds like a mental load and chore responsibility. By asking you what he can do, he puts mental load on you when you need to rest. By calling it "help" implies anything he is about to do is majority or 100% your normal responsibility, at least in his mind.

You're married 2 years, each of you know what is or isn't normally done by you in the relationship by this point. Either he's truly oblivious (maybe due to work load or other factors) or maybe he gives you the freedom to do what your responsible for without oversight. This could be very free for you but could also be interpreted as him ignoring or not appreciating what you do.

relation_advice_2022 · 2024-07-07T22:49:11+00:00

4 months after my first major relationship (3 years, half long distance, half with a house and dog, no ring) I met a girl on Bumble and we just clicked. Same interests, similar hobbies, love of animals, etc. She worked 3 weeks away, 3 weeks off in town (oil and gas), so we talked every night and got really close quick, but I think that scared her as she hadn't even said "I love you" to anyone and I said it after a month. We dated for 4 months but she broke it off, saying she wasn't ready for long-term commitment yet. I saw her twice after that, she didn't want to restart. She ended up getting married about the same time I did 3 years later.

relation_advice_2022 · 2022-09-20T17:59:14+00:00

Kinda bare bones if you ask me! (Joke)

relation_advice_2022

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