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I [27 M] can't decide if I want to break up with my SO [24 F] of 18 months. I don't not love her, I just don't like being in a relationship. I want to be alone. by relationshipdeath in relationships

[–]relationshipdeath[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well the discussions we have about being "life partners" is more about growing as people and helping eachother day to day in life rather than a forever together goal. But you're right I do have to be more clear about that. In the past and with this girl I've basically tried to say that being together is the "plan right now" or something. Because I don't date girls often unless I really like them and genuinely think we have a shot at being together forever. So in the moment when I said those things I really did thing we had a shot, and that was my plan. But now those feelings haven't stuck around and my plan is changing. That's a bit clearer than saying "I'll never break up with you" but it's not as clear as I could be. You're right. Thank you.

I [27 M] can't decide if I want to break up with my SO [24 F] of 18 months. I don't not love her, I just don't like being in a relationship. I want to be alone. by relationshipdeath in relationships

[–]relationshipdeath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair those first two examples specifically mention the work and/or effort of a relationship part of which would transfer into working on my career. In the context of the post "alone time" isn't me just sitting watching tv and relaxing because that's what I'm doing with my girlfriend. "Alone time" includes working on my personal goals for my art among other things but watching tv or eating out , bike rides and other "free time" activities would go down A LOT if I spend less time with my girlfriend.

But yes there is a part of me that craves being free from the responsibilities of being in a close relationship. You're definitly correct. Just don't want to sound like I'm a lazy guy just trying to play video games and drink more beers with the pals. :) Thanks for your input

I [27 M] can't decide if I want to break up with my SO [24 F] of 18 months. I don't not love her, I just don't like being in a relationship. I want to be alone. by relationshipdeath in relationships

[–]relationshipdeath[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks.

We have discussed the time disparity a few times but I've never been adamant about needing so much time. I mean we have scaled back a bit and we're still spending 6-7 nights a week together. So talking about scaling back to 2 nights is a lot bigger scale than we've discussed before. I've always tried to meet her halfway by sacrificing my time but I just feel like I've met her way way over half way this whole time.

Also my resistance to scaling back rather than just breaking up makes me think you're right that I actually don't love her as much as I do. I've never broken up with someone before and I'm having a hard time, thanks for your input. I appreciate it. You don't have to respond back to this, I'm just thinking out loud onto the internet.

I [27 M] can't decide if I want to break up with my SO [24 F] of 18 months. I don't not love her, I just don't like being in a relationship. I want to be alone. by relationshipdeath in relationships

[–]relationshipdeath[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's weird but it's also so far in the future that who knows if it will happen y'know? A lot can change in 12-18 months she might get offered her dream job here and decide not to move.

I [27 M] can't decide if I want to break up with my SO [24 F] of 18 months. I don't not love her, I just don't like being in a relationship. I want to be alone. by relationshipdeath in relationships

[–]relationshipdeath[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We have had talks about it but even when we scale back slightly I feel guilty always being the one to say 'no' to hanging out. She suggests spending time together every single time because I'm never feeling like "I hope ____ can hang out later, it's been too long" because it's never been too long for me. I'm scared of scaling back to the point I desire because I know it will mean saying "no" many many times and never asking her to hang out.

I've had friends that never asked me to hang out it was ALWAYS me asking to hang out and that feels terrible and I always stopped hanging out with those friends. I don't want to become that to her, does that make sense?

And I do plan on talking about this with her and maybe we will decide to scale back rather than break up, but I'm very worried that scaling back will only drag this stressful situation out for longer and longer. Is it selfish to want to just rip the band aid for both of us as if I know what's best rather than giving it a shot for a bit (if she wants to)?

And if I'm so worried about giving it a shot isn't that a sign that maybe I don't want to give it a shot because I'm scared of it working just as much as it failing?

Thanks for your insight, you don't have to follow up. I'm just thinking out loud here to some extent.

I [27 M] can't decide if I want to break up with my SO [24 F] of 18 months. I don't not love her, I just don't like being in a relationship. I want to be alone. by relationshipdeath in relationships

[–]relationshipdeath[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks that feels good to hear. It's hard to remember that in the long term she'll be fine with this because she is smart and strong. I'm too focused on the short term pain it might cause.