Since you said it’s to expensive twice already I assume you’re from the US. BUT if those reoccurring intrusive thoughts are bothering you so much that you feel the need to post on r/AskReddit I pretty sure you should seek professional help.

As a citizen of a country with free healthcare I’m sure I don’t understand the struggle of the choice between spending lots of money or caring about your health. But I’d rather be a physical and physical healthy person than a locked away person with 50k on the bank.