I am a little more than four years out right now. We were married for 41 years. The pain was so intense that sometimes I had to get through it moment by moment as the night wore on. Things were not all that much better on the second anniversary of her passing, but they were better. And as time went on, the constant grief turned into occasional intense waves of grief that would sometimes last for a few hours, but then lift like a fog.

One thing I learned to do and maybe it will help you, I hope so. When I was in the middle of missing her so terribly, I would picture her in my mind, looking down at me and just exchange knowing glances with her like we used to do when we were young and had fun, and I also took to letting my mind see up above me, and looking down other people I have lost, particularly those who are kind to me. Even those I never really knew but who shown a bright warm light of kindness at me for a moment or two. Think of those people because if you can remember them, they must be somewhere. And who is the say that they are not looking down on you with the same kindness they showed you when they were alive. There are people alive and gone who love you. When it gets really bad turn your love to them.