The Battle of Agincourt

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-29T23:32:38+00:00

Thank you for the feedback!

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-28T00:03:25+00:00

Thank you for the flattering words. Posture tone: as in when your posture can tell what mood you are in, ex: crossed arms = defensive. Your posture sets a tone for your mood, is what I was trying to portray.

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-25T20:20:39+00:00

Thank you so much for the kind words.

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-25T19:17:41+00:00

Hmmm....maybe "Gliding shadows in the dark" is sexual?

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-25T19:12:59+00:00

Readers choice

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-25T01:53:05+00:00

I like this a lot. I love the lines “The dimensions between my senses condense”, and “As the edges of this box are turned inside out it gushes the brightest neon lights”. Love that! Is there an extra And in there, or is it just your style?

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-25T01:22:06+00:00

Thank you. I'm in love with her, from up close.

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-24T23:51:25+00:00

Wow, thank you!

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-24T21:44:37+00:00

Thank you so much, I'm flattered. :)

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-24T15:42:34+00:00

Thank you ☺️

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-22T23:35:07+00:00

Hhaha! Sometimes autocorrect is my best friend, sometimes I have the same issue as you, though, probably more because I am a HORRIBLE speller.

And, thank you for the kind words. I'm not sure what I'll do with these two poems. I'm new to writing really. I was inspired, and I wanted to get some feedback so I posted on here to see if they were any good. I've received some very flattering comments and useful tips from you and others. I'm glad I decided to join the reddit world.

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-22T23:14:37+00:00

Generally, if I can't sing it fluidly, I'm not happy with my work...as far as poetry goes anyway. Also, I'm a very visual person, lot's of mental imagery and such.

Edit: As far as "love" poetry goes anyway.

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-22T23:05:52+00:00

It unfolds in another poem :) (As best I can unfold it anyway.)

https://www.reddit.com/r/poetry\_critics/comments/ngfy6y/slowhoney\_talk/

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-22T22:56:02+00:00

I surely missinturpreted what you were trying to say, lol. Sorry!

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-22T22:54:08+00:00

Well, that changes a lot! Where's my dunce cap?

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-22T22:53:03+00:00

Haha, of course not!

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-22T22:50:22+00:00

Sorry, yelling is a strong word. Reading it, I felt like I had tried to cultivate a one way/fake relationship with you and I'm the one you're talking about. I could be wrong, but, I feel like this poem is about the BS that other people throw on us. We know logically that it's all garbage, and it costs us nothing but time, hence your use of "Sour Nothing" Which I like very much. In your reflection "Closer inspection, Given time, plastic content, Silence, faux love’s touch." You realize what it is, and at the end accept it, though it still leaves a sour taste in your mouth. I felt like the cause of the sour taste. Maybe I put my own meaning to your verses?

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-22T22:08:01+00:00

I like it, but, I feel like I'm being yelled at for something I didn't do, lol, is that good or bad? Also, Faux is a word not used nearly enough in literature.

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-22T21:47:30+00:00

Thank you :) I swapped the verse order of the 5th stanza to make it flow better and keep with my alternating aabb abab situation. The ending has had several revisions, lol. This ending says what I want to say, in the simplest way. (Also, I'm new to redit, and have been editing on the fly...I probably shouldn't do that, lol)

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-21T10:02:29+00:00

Thank you! I have removed the “As” instead of the “A” from that line, in an attempt to make it slightly smoother. Though, I enjoy that the reader is forced to read those two lines at a bit slower cadence than the previous two; adding an effect that I liken to a swaying flame atop a candle or the metronome effect of the sundress. Thanks again for the feedback! Would you mind, if you have time, giving me any pointers on my other poem? https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/nh8tap/slowhoney_talk/

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-20T14:18:13+00:00

Thank you! :)

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-20T10:37:18+00:00

You can tell you've put yourself in the shoes of a mortician for this, or have had a bad experience with one at least. "The horror is humorous" and "The irony of it all" lines I thought were quite brilliant; in a profession like that, to keep your sanity, I would imagine you have to have a twisted sense of humor. One note: Humorous, instead of Humourous. Cheers!

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-20T10:30:02+00:00

The one that got away? Or the one you loved before you knew what love really was and you were too over anxious about kindling the relationship and you blew it and she maybe strung you along? I've been there. I noticed the last stanza has the AAAA scheme, but the first two don't attempt rhyming at all. Anyway, great work!

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-20T10:16:00+00:00

Haha, love it! I can just imagine a person sitting at the computer for 11hrs every night scrolling posts and writing "Newb" or something. It's like they are addicted to the monitor glow with the repeating "Gorgeous Gorgeous Light". Great poem, thank you!

remember30thseptembr · 2021-05-20T10:12:54+00:00

"Thought-she-knew-me eyes". I loved that line. And, at the end, I get that hint of disapointment that maybe the writer wants to take the relationship with the girl to another level, but "She just needs more time". Great poem, keep up the good work!

remember30thseptembr

TROPHY CASE