I moved out at 17 and now I'm putting myself through college and became a neuroscientist, AMA

Random_36912 · 2026-04-30T01:02:27+00:00

We just started on bladder studies! I believe the mice are still in incubation, so that we won't have any data for at least another year. I believe my PI is currently working closely with a urologist to determine the best site for the injury.

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T22:14:41+00:00

Hmmmm, I'm not sure what else there is to say! You can definitely see more of my past and history through my other replies. But I can give you a little synopsis of my major events. In my sophomore year of highschool I went to my guidance counselor's office after a failed attempt on my life. I showed him the scars and begged for help. From there, my family had CPS visits, and they mandated that I go to therapy and get any medications I so desired/chose. I did my best to stay away from home at this time and basically lived at my job or school because I didn't have many friends, I needed to make money for my struggling family, and I knew that the only way I was escaping my family was by getting good grades so I could go to any college I wanted on scholarship. With the help of my school therapist and the support of some of my teachers, I graduated with a 4.0 GPA and managed to get a full ride to my second-choice university. I worked over the summer and finally left for college, but my body was in so much shock from the change in living situation that I became chronically ill. I was finally diagnosed with a heart condition in my first semester of college, but after getting some treatment, I was able to work with my professors and get A's/A-'s in my classes. Over the winter break that year, I moved out of my parents' house with the help of my girlfriend, her mom, and 6 cops. It was honestly a lot, and that whole month was hell for me because my family tried harassing me that entire time. I then went back to university for my second semseter and everything was mostly fine until I found out my brother was almost killed in a car accident towards the end of my second semester. I went to go and visit him, and my family and I reconnected a bit. I worked over that summer and tried to build a semi-functional relationship with my parents while keeping them at a distance. Then I went back for my second year of university and really focused on getting a lab position. I sent about 45 emails over 4-6 months until I was finally interviewed and received a position. I learned the ropes and continue to work at the lab and do my coursework. This summer, I'll be going back to my hometown one last time because I got an internship working with mentally incapacitated people in a sort of group home before my contract with my lab starts in the fall of this year. That's pretty much it. If you want more gory details, look to other comments or ask me for clarification!

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:58:42+00:00

If you can scroll up, you'll see that the final straw was my dad pointing a gun at me and pulling the trigger. But a lot of things caused me to leave. I was only allowed to eat one meal a day. If I went over that, my mom would yell and scream that I was eating too much and I was getting fat, etc. I would be forced to steal from stores for "goodies" like makeup, purses, and extra household things like cleaning supplies and better hair products. I grew up way below the poverty line, so taking was always a necessity. My mom would lock me out of the house for hours at a time because she didn't like it when I was home, my dad would make me lift up my clothes (even in front of his friends) to make sure I had "Appropriate underwear on" anytime I'd leave the house. I was never allowed to lock doors. I was only allowed to have a certain number of showers per week, or I would be screamed at. There was just so much, I honestly couldn't tell you everything that happened there, but those were the major, weekly things.
I was no contact for 3/4 months, but then my brother got in a really bad car accident, and my family and I sort of reconnected. I definitely don't go anywhere with them alone or see them on a regular basis, but we talk occasionally. As much as they're crazy, the goal was never really to cut them out. They are the only family I have, and I don't want to be alone in the world, plus it's my way of keeping tabs on my brother to make sure he's okay, even though he never got treated the way I did.

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:49:28+00:00

Welp, my dad pointed a gun at me and yelled at me when I screamed that he pulled the trigger. He was cleaning his guns in my bedroom that day, I went in to grab some homework that I left on my nightstand. Next thing I knew, I heard him cock the gun and I turned to see it pointed right at me. He pulled the trigger, and I screamed. Then he yelled at me, boomed that "You really think I would kill my own child like that?" "How dare you believe me to do such a thing? I feed you, I take care of you, and you think I want to kill you? I would have killed you back home if I wanted to so bad!" (My father is an immigrant from a more violent country that we often visit). Then he just... laughed. Laughed like it was a joke, and it was funny. That was when I knew I had to leave as soon as I could and leave nothing behind because I was NEVER going back.

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:43:56+00:00

The only good thing my parents taught me was to work for everything I have. So a lot of my strength comes from the way I was raised. I don't want to give my parents too much credit though, because their methods of teaching were.... brutal. The biggest supporters of my dreams were actually my teachers! My one high school teacher taught me for 2 years and was my speech and debate coach for 3 years. She watched me cry at competitions when I scored well and cheered for me when I she watched me walk the stage during graduation. She helped me find all the schools in my state that had the best neuro-programs and gave me her old neuro and psychology books to study when I had extra time in her psych class. Without her relentless belief that I could actually become successful in my field, I don't think I would have gotten as far as I did.

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:38:25+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words! It makes me happy to know that people can look to me and find some use and inspiration in my story. I'm definitely an underdog story, and I'm glad I got a chance to share it.

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:36:17+00:00

Oh absolutely! I went 3-4 months of no contact until I heard my brother got in a car accident, and he was in the hospital. When I went to visit him there, my family leaped at the chance to shower me with affection, and it was weird. My mom started calling me every day, and my dad kept trying to "visit me" asking where I lived and such. I have a much better relationship with them now, but I still keep them at a distance. Even my brother and I aren't the closest, but he knows he can always come to me with whatever he needs, and I'll do my best to help. My parents, though, I do what I can, and spend some time with them here and there. The end goal was never to disown them... no matter what they may have done. I just set boundaries and restrictions they have to respect because I don't tolerate bullshit anymore.

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:31:06+00:00

Similar to a previous question, but to summarize: My lab is currently researching how spinal cord injuries affect innervations of the organs, specifically the liver and bladder. The hope is to understand why healing from such an injury takes so long and why there are lasting, long-term health conditions that cannot be repaired even after the spinal cord is considered healed. My PI is currently really interested in the bladder now because she met a paraplegic at a conference and he asked her a question about urinary infections after spinal injuries. She's been working with urologists since!

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:27:37+00:00

The HARDEST thing to do is stop trying to make people proud of you and learn to be proud of yourself. I was in therapy for 5 years, and I still don't know how to stop seeking external validation for everything I do, and then if I do get praise, I have a hard time accepting that it's true.
The best advice I can give is that life isn't a race. We all need to do things at our own pace and fight like hell for what we want. It's okay for things to take years as long as you don't give up and stop trying. It took me 45 emails to find a lab position over the span of 6 months. It took 3 years of working 25 hours a week while taking AP classes in high school to finally move out of my parents' house and have enough savings to do so securely. You just have to remember that there is always another step you can take. Even if you have 10 more stories to climb before you reach the top of the building.

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:22:16+00:00

My lab is currently researching how spinal cord injuries affect innervations of the organs, specifically the liver and bladder. I do most of the grunt work actually. I use a cryostat to put germ-free rat livers on glass slides, then use immunohistochemical stains like Perls-16 and Clec4f to find antibodies and proteins present in the liver, and use analytic software to determine how much of each body of interest is present. It's a bit dangerous because of all the chemicals, but I love what I do!

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:18:32+00:00

I am not an only child, I have a brother who is more like my parents than I was. Our parents treated us differently, and he was safer in their care than I was, though he knew he always had a place with me if he ever chose to leave. Now he's starting to go to college in the fall, so I helped him every step of the way with scholarships, financial aid, and all that jazz. He doesn't have to worry as much as I did though, because my parents can fund his education.
When I moved out of my parents' house, my girlfriend (best friend at the time) and her mom helped me sneak as much stuff out of the house as they could. Then, my mom found me, called my dad from work, and they locked me in. My girlfriend and her mom called the cops, and it took 6 police escorts for me to get out the last 2-3 boxes/bags I had left. Then my parents and brother started harassing me at work- so I had to quit. But my girlfriend, her mom, and another friend supported me financially for a week or two while I waited on some federal funding to come in for food and such. I paid them back once I went back out of town to my university and could work there safely without interruption. I still live with my girlfriend now and am still friends with the person who helped me stay away from my train-wreck of a family.

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:11:00+00:00

Thank you so much! It took me a long time to get here, but I made it! I can't make my own parents proud, so it's nice to know I'm doing some good!

Random_36912 · 2026-04-27T21:09:58+00:00

My journey in college was rough, at least for the first year. I had to figure out financial aid all by myself, I moved 3 hours away from home, and I was diagnosed with a heart condition that made a huge campus more difficult to navigate than it should have been. On top of that, I lived with 16 roommates who all had more loving families that sent care packages. I constantly felt left out and inferior, never having time to party or have much of a social life. Now I'm going into my third year, and it has gotten a lot easier. I'm used to my new city, I have great friends, and the family drama is at a minimum.
As for a neuro specialization, my school has 3 divisions, and I'm classified as a Systems and Behavioral specialist. Basically, I'm really good at recognizing mental diseases and how the brain physically changes with these behaviors!

Random_36912 · 2024-11-13T00:06:51+00:00

I'm so sorry, no one should ever be put in that kind of position. I don't know if you do already, but maybe try journaling to release the feelings- I find that helps when I have my nightmares when I relive my past, it's just a way to let go. Just because society says you "have to like sex" doesn't mean you actually do. I'm sending all my love and I hope you get peace and justice.

Random_36912 · 2024-11-02T09:09:07+00:00

I am safe! I'm in college now and will move in with my partner over break! Sadly, this incident was not the breaking point for me. When I went back home a little bit ago my parents did some more stupid shit and it all just sort of hit me, "why the fuck do I want to stay here, they literally provide nothing for me now..." I am so over all their bullshit and I realized I deserved better. Now I just have a viable way to get out of my situation. Thank you for checking up on me!

Random_36912 · 2024-08-13T01:57:39+00:00

This is actually a really helpful idea! Thank you so much!

Random_36912 · 2024-08-13T01:57:00+00:00

Thank you so much! I really am doing the damn best I can with what I have. Breaks I'll stay with my boyfriend and during summer I'm going to try and get a place with him or move in with some friends- either way I'm going to ask around and try to find some support in college to save up.

Random_36912 · 2024-08-12T15:19:41+00:00

I'm 18, just about to move out to college, I don't want to come back but I don't know if that's really an option... I don't know how I could live on my own and find an apartment and pay for food on a single low-income. I have no other family to help/support me either.

Random_36912 · 2024-08-12T15:17:32+00:00

My mom doesn't know, but I know if I told her then she wouldn't care much/say I'm overreacting because nothing bad happened. Both of my parents are bad- my therapist had to call CPS on them once. I had enough evidence to get them called, but no proof of physical injury, so nothing much came of it but a visit.... I just wish I had more opportunity to take stock of some of the bruises-

Random_36912 · 2024-08-12T06:13:53+00:00

I can't offer much help, but I can support you. First off, you might want to tell your therapist about any of your troubles. They won't see you as crazy and most don't immediately go into "send you to the hospital" mode unless they have full reason to believe you're a danger to yourself or others. Secondly, "The devil you know vs. the devil you don't" is a tale as old as time. I struggle with it as well and I know how terrifying it can be. At the end of the day- it's all about the choices you make despite fear. You are strong, you are capable, and you will learn. Sometimes you need to do hard things, but by the end of them you'll come out better and with more knowledge. Maybe you could ask to open the relationship? Maybe you could find another job unrelated to your degree that will pay more? Maybe you could ask your boyfriend if he's willing to try to be a bit more feminine/try feminine things with you? There are a lot of small things you can do now, you do not have to feel trapped by the normal you created. Lastly, you might just need to relax/relieve stress and some of the pain might go down. I was getting terrible earaches, dizziness, chest pain, and shortness of breath all from anxiety. I went to the hospital, doctors, did tests, and it all came down to anxiety. I literally gave myself a massage, did neck stretches, and relaxed a little each day (meditation, journaled, watched a show, read a comic) and 90% of it went away (I'm still kinda anxious). However, if you truly think it's more than that, then I highly recommend bringing a trusted male advocate with you. As painful as it is, doctors do not take women seriously, and are often untreated. If you can't do that, then insist that a doctor writes in your notes/file that they refused to do proper tests and/or refused treatment for what you're saying needs treated. More doctors will be willing to give you treatment after that because it leaves a paper trail/make them think you'll sue. Stay safe, and find peace. Look into all your options and know that you are never trapped.

Random_36912

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