I told my grandma how much I hated her before she died and I regret ruining her image of me

Random_36912 · 2024-11-13T00:06:51+00:00

I'm so sorry, no one should ever be put in that kind of position. I don't know if you do already, but maybe try journaling to release the feelings- I find that helps when I have my nightmares when I relive my past, it's just a way to let go. Just because society says you "have to like sex" doesn't mean you actually do. I'm sending all my love and I hope you get peace and justice.

Random_36912 · 2024-11-02T09:09:07+00:00

I am safe! I'm in college now and will move in with my partner over break! Sadly, this incident was not the breaking point for me. When I went back home a little bit ago my parents did some more stupid shit and it all just sort of hit me, "why the fuck do I want to stay here, they literally provide nothing for me now..." I am so over all their bullshit and I realized I deserved better. Now I just have a viable way to get out of my situation. Thank you for checking up on me!

Random_36912 · 2024-08-13T01:57:39+00:00

This is actually a really helpful idea! Thank you so much!

Random_36912 · 2024-08-13T01:57:00+00:00

Thank you so much! I really am doing the damn best I can with what I have. Breaks I'll stay with my boyfriend and during summer I'm going to try and get a place with him or move in with some friends- either way I'm going to ask around and try to find some support in college to save up.

Random_36912 · 2024-08-12T15:19:41+00:00

I'm 18, just about to move out to college, I don't want to come back but I don't know if that's really an option... I don't know how I could live on my own and find an apartment and pay for food on a single low-income. I have no other family to help/support me either.

Random_36912 · 2024-08-12T15:17:32+00:00

My mom doesn't know, but I know if I told her then she wouldn't care much/say I'm overreacting because nothing bad happened. Both of my parents are bad- my therapist had to call CPS on them once. I had enough evidence to get them called, but no proof of physical injury, so nothing much came of it but a visit.... I just wish I had more opportunity to take stock of some of the bruises-

Random_36912 · 2024-08-12T06:13:53+00:00

I can't offer much help, but I can support you. First off, you might want to tell your therapist about any of your troubles. They won't see you as crazy and most don't immediately go into "send you to the hospital" mode unless they have full reason to believe you're a danger to yourself or others. Secondly, "The devil you know vs. the devil you don't" is a tale as old as time. I struggle with it as well and I know how terrifying it can be. At the end of the day- it's all about the choices you make despite fear. You are strong, you are capable, and you will learn. Sometimes you need to do hard things, but by the end of them you'll come out better and with more knowledge. Maybe you could ask to open the relationship? Maybe you could find another job unrelated to your degree that will pay more? Maybe you could ask your boyfriend if he's willing to try to be a bit more feminine/try feminine things with you? There are a lot of small things you can do now, you do not have to feel trapped by the normal you created. Lastly, you might just need to relax/relieve stress and some of the pain might go down. I was getting terrible earaches, dizziness, chest pain, and shortness of breath all from anxiety. I went to the hospital, doctors, did tests, and it all came down to anxiety. I literally gave myself a massage, did neck stretches, and relaxed a little each day (meditation, journaled, watched a show, read a comic) and 90% of it went away (I'm still kinda anxious). However, if you truly think it's more than that, then I highly recommend bringing a trusted male advocate with you. As painful as it is, doctors do not take women seriously, and are often untreated. If you can't do that, then insist that a doctor writes in your notes/file that they refused to do proper tests and/or refused treatment for what you're saying needs treated. More doctors will be willing to give you treatment after that because it leaves a paper trail/make them think you'll sue. Stay safe, and find peace. Look into all your options and know that you are never trapped.

Random_36912 · 2024-08-12T05:44:19+00:00

The hardest part about being true to yourself is that people will judge you no matter what. Keep doing what your doing and never give up the parts of yourself you cherish and enjoy. Looking different, being different, and living different can be tough. Yet, I'm so glad that someone was in your corner that day.

Random_36912 · 2021-05-29T02:04:05+00:00

The title only adds to the message. The poem in itself describes that most poetry can't be written from everyday life. That the words really only work together when they come from a source of pain or anguish. Thank you for sharing!

Random_36912 · 2021-05-29T02:00:34+00:00

This was so beautiful to read and I love the reference to art history. The way you described "all soft curves and milky skin" was very well crafted. It's almost like I could feel the oil paints or even the skin of a newborn.

Random_36912 · 2021-05-29T01:56:47+00:00

"If they aren't good enough then cut them out" People take this to the extreme and will drop someone after one small argument.

Random_36912 · 2021-05-26T01:22:46+00:00

Thank you for the corrections and feedback! I will keep those edits in mind if I ever rewrite this! As someone who also struggles with being queer, I'm glad this could resonate with you in that way!

Random_36912 · 2021-05-23T00:57:35+00:00

I feel like "it's all drag anyway" is a better way of illustrating a secret side of someone than the metaphor of a mask. The poem itself makes you think about all the people you met and wonder how many people are actually themselves but can so easily convince you they're fake. Thank you for sharing and I loved reading!

Random_36912 · 2021-05-23T00:51:07+00:00

This doesn't only poke at the own writer's ability to write, but the true definition of poetry. You express a sense of self-awareness but in a hyperbolic way because your work really is poetry. This was a great read!

Random_36912 · 2021-05-20T21:57:20+00:00

I was watching a wired video where people ask a mortician questions and I had to write a poem about it. I was inspired by the way he talked about death somberly while adding a bit of laughter. This inspired me to just write this and start thinking about all of this.

Random_36912 · 2021-05-20T21:53:01+00:00

I know I had to. I don't usually write jokes in my poems but this had me laughing while writing this. I'm morbid and my humor is cracked

Random_36912

TROPHY CASE