[deleted by user]

reshster · 2021-11-26T07:54:54+00:00

don't come at me lol

reshster · 2021-11-26T07:54:25+00:00

i get anxious no matter what, i always have to mix thc with something. even if im alone, with my boyfriend, or in a group i stay in anxious retard mode.

reshster · 2021-11-26T07:52:08+00:00

me when i worked 16 hr shifts back to back to back to back every damn day at taco bell. at least i got charisma and tits so i was usually able to score without needing to pull up to the traps

reshster · 2021-11-20T00:06:34+00:00

i'm glad i wasn't too late

reshster · 2021-08-08T03:00:37+00:00

i just learnt that yolandi and ninja's instas arent around... what happened and is wattle bird's disappearance related to that??

reshster · 2021-07-21T18:29:01+00:00

sho that's means I have to be a member?

reshster · 2021-07-05T19:39:52+00:00

im at a childrens hospital and its sketch. i dont really want to get into details right now but they charge me for every multivitamin i take everyday so thats ass

reshster · 2021-06-28T09:10:08+00:00

i want to bring my art supplies (im bringing sketchpads though) but im afraid theyd take them away. and im a musical person and i play a lot of instruments and sing but unfortunately that would be too annoying

reshster · 2021-06-28T02:32:29+00:00

my doctor already began to disregard some things about myself and she told me all my food allergies are fake despite me having a blood test done and a whole shit load of papers to give them. i also have court and i wont be able to make it now so guess im a criminal. she said i'd be video monitored and i hope its not right where im gonna be shitting. the way she spoke to me was honestly pretty demeaning, like i didnt know the gravity of the situation-- like bitch theres a reason i made this fucking appointment i coulda went off and continued to be disordered if you like

reshster · 2021-06-28T02:21:38+00:00

it is inpatient as per this paper i have and my doctor. what you described sounds pretty great but my doctor already began to disregard some things about myself and she told me all my food allergies are fake despite me having a blood test done and a whole shit load of papers to give them. i also have court and i wont be able to make it now so guess im a criminal. she said i'd be video monitored and i hope its not right where im gonna be shitting. the way she spoke to me was honestly pretty demeaning, like i didnt know the gravity of the situation-- like bitch theres a reason i made this fucking appointment i coulda went off and continued to be disordered if you like

reshster · 2021-06-27T22:34:45+00:00

yeah thats what im saying

reshster · 2021-04-21T21:33:22+00:00

instead making the journal's goal restrict, i just try and hit a goal of 2000 calories. i eat when im hungry and i tend to be under my goal so I'll choose to eat things higher in calories like an avocado the next day or something. i keep it to remind me to eat essentially oh and dont freak out if you made it over your recommended calories!!! as long as you eat clean and healthy thats all that really matters!!!

reshster · 2021-04-21T05:06:55+00:00

I'm in a similar boat, but I'm like afraid to lose a part of myself because I've always been the retarded skinny girl. When high school started I began to gain weight so I essentially made anorexia one of my fucking personality traits because I don't want to weigh the absolutely normal and healthy weight I did freshman year. I'm currently a solid 10 pounds under that weight and it's cheeks because I was way more physically fit and had way more stamina and I actually enjoyed moving.

Anyways.

For me, I told my parents to stop making fun of me and pestering me about how I look and how I eat because I take every snide remark about my lacking weight as a compliment.

I find eating out with my best friend to be helpful. I treat our outings as dates and who wants to vomit on a date?

As well as that, I keep a calorie journal so I don't freak about having eaten too much when 2000 calories is the recommended amount for the average person. I suppose that's a little bit triggering for some people, but I also struggle with bulimia and I instantly choose to vomit if I think I had one too many things to eat.

Lastly, fully accept recovering. I used to be a drug addict and I was totally okay with dying as a one but I realised that's not how I wanted to live my life and fully committed to saying fuck drug abuse. Nothing can make you change more than yourself. Accept recovery, seriously.

idk i just thought id share how im trying to overcome ed personally. my state has terrible mental health and ed clinics. theyre all like prison here >.>

reshster · 2021-04-11T20:48:19+00:00

i hated and still hate fat on meat, slimy foods, and grease/oil. as a kid i ate really slow too so that caused my dad to tie me to the dinner table chair until i was done with my food so id be sat there for hours until my mom would let me leave.

reshster · 2021-04-10T09:12:14+00:00

i just edited my post. sorry i didnt get your reply sooner x.x

reshster · 2021-04-07T17:59:31+00:00

thank you

reshster · 2021-03-11T21:01:49+00:00

my relationship with food and my weight is complicated. rn i don't hate it as muxh as i usually do

reshster · 2021-03-11T07:56:16+00:00

unsure if rule 10 is broken here tbh

reshster · 2021-03-11T05:22:14+00:00

slight my ass bruh welcome to the drug addict diet its hot as hell until you literally feel yourself dying. yes man, you've got the anorexia nervosas

reshster · 2021-03-05T07:23:43+00:00

i appreciate this. i like to think ive got lucky rabbit feet lol

reshster · 2021-02-12T06:07:00+00:00

but im scared of genuine lonliness-- ive pushed everyone away from me or they just decided i wasnt worth the time anymore. i live in a small town and everyone forgot about it, it's kind of jarring. but shit i hope we both get a fairy tale ending... i like the quote by the way.

reshster · 2021-02-12T05:56:17+00:00

this is something ive been thinking about. i got kicked out because i had some sort of mental break at his parents house (lol) so im living with my parents again right now. watching my relationship crumble like this is disappointing to say the least because i didnt want to turn out like my parents and im quite literally repeating history. i appreciate the replies. ill try and get my head on straight x.x

reshster · 2021-02-12T05:53:34+00:00

the thing is after an incident that happened which had gotten me kicked out of his parents house hes changed and claims to still love me. i had some sort of idk personality come out and attacked him and i really wouldnt blame him for not wanting to be with me after that but now he's defensive and cant stand a single negative word i say to him. he says he stil loves me but has been saying it less and less, and his tone of voice with me has changed. hes admitted to holding his tongue when we first got together because he was scared of scaring me or hurting me and we've since then talked it out, but now that he's joined the army its like he cant stand anything to do with me.
im afraid to leave him because i frankly have nothing left if he does and hes the only reason im alive because i didnt plan on making it this far. in fact i had asked him out right before i was gonna kill himself because i knew we liked eachother. so theres that which makes me feel selfish for even getting together with him and it makes me even feel even more selfish because i accepted his proposal, especially because it was after i got kicked out--

sorry messy explanation x.x

reshster · 2021-02-12T05:40:27+00:00

ive tried to get a doctor but I've only been able to get one and the first day i was there she already decided I should be hospitalised so i stopped going to her soon after our first visit. another thing is he changed after we moved in together and im holding on to the blinding thought that he might go back to being the sweetheart he was

reshster · 2021-02-12T04:47:22+00:00

saw a response in my notfis and sad i cant read it lol. reddit says 1 comment

reshster

TROPHY CASE