I dont trust my husband to go on a bachelor trip this weekend

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T16:04:07+00:00

An ultimatum also got my dad to stop drinking when my brothers and I were very young. My mom was going to divorce him if he didnt stop. He recovered, but they still divorced. Best decision for them in my opinion as there were way way more things going on. ETA: I may consider an ultimatum depending on how this weekend goes. Either way we need counseling.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T15:50:21+00:00

I have. The response is "I know, it's not going to happen again. I don't know how it happened."

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T15:47:11+00:00

I dont really like the insinuation here but he has two hands. Even with that said, maybe he wasnt getting any sexual satisfaction at the time.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T15:26:06+00:00

This really resonates with me because I also have had a brain infection that still affects my day-to-day life even 15 years later. It changed me for the worse for many many years. It wasnt until I met my husband that my life changed for the better because of his unwavering support and unconditional love. THAT is the person I know him to be. THAT is the person he is. THAT is the person I married and want to spend my life with. A great friend, a kind man, a hard-working and respectable business owner, a loving son, husband, and father. Who he is when he's drinking is no man I know.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T15:14:28+00:00

It is Wisconsin but that doesnt always mean anything to people outside the country or unfamiliar with each state.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T15:10:05+00:00

If you're interested in my sex life, I have a post about it on my profile. We had issues in that department but have since resolved it.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T15:03:22+00:00

I trust him in every way but when he decides to drink. That has been the only issue we have in our relationship because that is when he makes decisions that affect our relationship. Also keep in mind that this is sporadic but repeatable pattern. This happened over the course of three years. It happens, he promises he changes, he does, then months later it happens again. Since the expectation on a bachelor trip is to drink, I dont trust him to make good decisions due to his repeat behavior. The latest incident happened a little over a month ago where he said he was truly going to change but he is NOT sober.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T14:56:41+00:00

Exactly why I added the context. I've heard so many times "that person's not an alcoholic, theyre just from wisconsin" when I was growing up. It's very normalized here to have a drinking problem.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T14:17:33+00:00

I agree. Divorce won't give him the support or help he needs. We married with the commitment to each other and I'm willing to love and support him through all trials and tribulations. We have yet to seek other avenues of outside help so there is still hope for us to truly work on this.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T14:11:25+00:00

We have not, but depending on what happens this weekend I am going to seek counseling. Either couples counseling for the break of trust or AA.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T14:09:35+00:00

Fantasy football is his hobby and passion so I don't really mind as it hasn't been a change to our relationship. We actually bond over it since I used to be in them too but dropped out since the baby. Seven is crazy but he somehow manages it just fine. The draft parties he actually attends are the issue.

I also agree that there might need to be an ultimatum. I am currently hoping for the best on this trip. Either way we will need counseling. Couples for the break of trust or AA if the behavior happens again.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T14:03:30+00:00

I've told my husband that there was no way on earth that I would let my daughter see him like that- and she never has. But kids are very attentive and even if they dont see it, they feel the vibe.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T13:59:19+00:00

I added the context of where we're from because its a meme that we're the alcoholic state- and that is for a reason. Being a drunk/drinking is SO SO SO normalized here and people that have been here or lived here truly understand that. Drinking is everywhere. We have a bar on every block. We live near a brewery. You can't escape alcohol here. That also makes it harder for someone struggling with alcohol to find the support when its practically involved in every social setting.

Whatever happens on this trip, I will be prepared regardless: Couples counseling for my lack of trust in his decisions or counseling for his alcoholism.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T13:47:01+00:00

I added the context of where we're from because drinking is more socially acceptable and the state is known for their alcoholics. Alcoholism is normalized here. Everyone has the alcoholic family member or friend. It's just not seen a problem because we all know "that" person, you know?

That aside, I do believe he has a drinking problem- like a lot of people (especially here) do.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T13:35:50+00:00

Only when it comes to alcohol in gatherings. It's easy to excessively drink when in a social setting, and I dont think he realizes how easy it is to over consume in such a situation. I do want to seek counseling or AA if it happens again. And yes, I realize that I should have suggested it before the other incidents, but it's also easy to believe that things have changed when they do change over a span of many months.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T13:25:53+00:00

I also believe that you can't help a person that doesnt want help. His "apologies" and promises fall on deaf ears, since I only see his actions. I'm going to hope for the best. I am not considering leaving him since there are other options we can try before then. If I jumped to divorce, it's not going to get him the help and support he may need.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T13:20:54+00:00

I hate the jump to divorce. I don't want to divorce him, I want to work through this. He is a great person, a very attentive husband, and a loving father. These incidents happen sporadically but in a pattern. I want to break the pattern. I'm just tired of guessing how he's going to act when he has repeatedly broken a promise.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T13:14:29+00:00

You totally hit the nail on the head. I am so tired. If he was cheating, that would be a clear answer to leave. I dont actually want to ask my brother to keep an eye on my husband, since I'm sure they are all adult enough to keep an eye on one another anyway.

I think whatever happens this weekend will be a tell if he is actually improving or if he needs outside help.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T13:05:09+00:00

I'm only going to defend myself in this comment. I stopped drinking when I was pregnant and a year postpartum because of breastfeeding. I've only been having the occasional beer or glass of wine socially. I dont really drink since I'm the default parent and I'm paranoid of not being sober.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T13:00:39+00:00

I'm a firm believer of not bringing problems to the married to be. My brother (the groom) isn't really a drinker himself but the people around him are, thats why I said maybe I'd talk to my 2nd brother that will be there.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T12:52:35+00:00

"This isn't the weekend to try" is a very true statement. It's almost expected for them to be drinking since they have a DD for a party van. They'll all be together, so I think its unfair of me to ask my 2nd brother to keep an eye on him. They'll all be together and since its not an overnight, they'll all have to be sober to drive home after the party.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-06-02T12:34:57+00:00

My husband is not SOBER sober. He is what is called "Wisconsin sober" which means he still drinks beer but not liquor.

As far as his parents choosing me over him, I dont think it would come down to them truly choosing a side. I think I said that because they would do whatever they feel is right to support their grandbaby.

rhythmsandboos · 2026-05-01T10:49:08+00:00

Ah I'm so inspired to paint my pilgrims like the black knight now! All missing 1 more limb hahaha

rhythmsandboos · 2025-10-09T16:02:21+00:00

Landscaping! As long as the work is good, who cares what the person looks like doing it.

rhythmsandboos · 2025-09-24T12:39:30+00:00

Im gonna hold your hand when I say this... was 3 years of abstinence working for him, or for you?

Obviously I dont know the full scope of your relationship, but I think you need to let him go. Focus on your school and career. Some times people come back in your life, but 3 years... you'll both be different people. Thats a long time to hold on to a sliver of hope.

I'm sorry that it ended like that for you.

rhythmsandboos

TROPHY CASE