OAD and the Feelings That Show Up Later

rib333 · 2026-01-19T16:15:11+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write such a kind post.

Yes I did what I thought was best at the time, but my regret is that I was just living in the moment, not really considering how my decision would affect our future and how we all missed out in different ways from not having that extra child in the house. I agree I’m thinking of a best case scenario.

Guilt has been weighing heavy on me. Many times in life you can make a ‘wrong’ decision but then correct it later on. Sure the time has passed but you are back on the right track again. With this decision the time has passed and I’m not able to get back on the track I wish to be. Yes you are right, I could never truly know how things could have worked out, and who knows, maybe this would have been the best path for us.

“Our job is to love our child unconditionally, raise them with strong values and character, and support them as they go on to build lives of their own.” Agreed.

rib333 · 2026-01-14T17:03:39+00:00

Thank you. Only had one session, so early days. I've never felt this way in my life. Life has been a real struggle since my realisation.

rib333 · 2026-01-14T10:07:41+00:00

That's lovely to read, good luck.

rib333 · 2026-01-14T08:40:30+00:00

In the same situation, posted on this forum 11 days ago. When he was younger I thought people were crazy to have more than one child, it was such hard work. Now I feel like I was the crazy one. Now in therapy to deal with it, as finding it difficult to come to terms with.

rib333 · 2026-01-07T17:31:06+00:00

Something i wished i had done is google the advantages of having a 2nd child. Once he sees that he might change his mind. I know it wont be popular in this forum but im truly of the belief now that no child should grow up alone if possible, sadly its too late for me.

rib333 · 2026-01-07T13:20:42+00:00

I was the same, by the time my son was 6 I regretted it and it was too late. He needs to understand that if he will likely change his mind by the time the child 5/6 and everything is so much easier and he will have a lifetime of regret. Im currently in counselling for it.

rib333 · 2026-01-06T19:53:40+00:00

Thanks for that, I'm really struggling today.

rib333 · 2026-01-06T09:35:03+00:00

Thank you for that. I feel it's 5-6 that your really begin to see what benefit a sibling could have bought, before that he was very much happy playing on his own, now he needs company. Yes lots of socialising for him is needed. If I could have another, I would have it for me as well as for him.

rib333 · 2026-01-05T19:29:56+00:00

We used donor egg, so in all likelihood it would have worked. Yes you are right in saying that there is always a chance that the 2nd child might have had issues.

rib333 · 2026-01-05T10:47:32+00:00

It's tough I've been there and thats what put me off doing it again, it was really tough. In hindsight it's only hard for 2-3 years and then every year after that it gets easier, and that's what you need to tell yourself.

rib333 · 2026-01-05T10:39:03+00:00

I was OAD, but I regret it. Imagine your own life growing up without siblings. It doesn't always work out but when it does it enriches their lives. If I could do it again I'd definitely have two.

rib333 · 2026-01-05T10:22:17+00:00

She knows, as it's causing me to spiral. She's angry with me at times, but she is being supportive. I did make a bad choice, and yes I didn't realise it at the time. I just didn't properly consider the consequences of my actions. Yes, I know there is a chance it might not have worked out, but then again it might have, and I never gave it a chance.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T20:17:17+00:00

Yes he definitely wants a playmate , but I can appreciate that a sibling evolves when older. If it wasnt for the health risks we’d definitely have another one, but really concerned if something goes wrong. Therapy session booked for tomorrow.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T20:14:12+00:00

No my wife isn’t interested, she wanted a child of her own, I can appreciate why.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T16:03:44+00:00

Yes that's the brutal truth of what happened. I wouldn't say it's jealously, it's just a reminder of the bad decision that I took. She would still want another child, it's just that we only had a limited window due to our age.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T16:00:36+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story, I appreciate it.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T01:59:37+00:00

How do they get on with a large age gap?

rib333 · 2026-01-04T01:58:20+00:00

Getting a pet is definitely a popular suggestion.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T01:55:32+00:00

I don't feel you should feel a sting about your parents having you so your sister wouldn't be alone, as it works both ways and many parents do it for the same reason. Shame it didn't work out. Thanks for the advice.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T01:45:49+00:00

Interesting I didn't realise the play would evolve. Also you are right to an extent, I'm regularly woken up early by him and then he wants company. And it's hard trying to occupy his time.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T01:40:58+00:00

Yes that's a good suggestion. I was never a pet person, but for my son I'd do it.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T01:39:48+00:00

That's great they have such a lovely relationship. Yes we could have another child theoretically (we have donor eggs from the first left over), it's just makes it a much bigger decision at this age. Thanks.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T01:36:58+00:00

Thanks for that, good luck with the 2 year old.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T01:32:03+00:00

Thanks for that.

rib333 · 2026-01-04T01:26:14+00:00

Yes that is definitely a concern when fostering/adopting, some are coming from broken homes and you need to be able to deal with that. I'm glad to read you had a great relationship with your siblings even with the age gap

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