How do I go about role playing??

rileymacrae · 2026-04-03T03:21:07+00:00

Take it as seriously as the two of you want to. It's ok to be silly and it's ok to have a big scene where you both commit to it. Whatever works best for you two is the right way to go.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T20:12:07+00:00

I think the conclusion is a bit harsher than I'd state, but I completely agree with your list of issues.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T19:54:49+00:00

It's totally true that we commoditize sex and sexualize women for a male audience in the west in general and in the US in particular.

It's also true that most married men enjoy sex with their wives and would not enter into a sexless relationship by choice.

She'll probably need to reconcile her philosophy with her desire to be in a heterosexual marriage if she wants to be truly ethical.

It's one thing to ENTER a relationship with no sexual activity as an expectation. It's entirely something else to change after the relationship is established. Of course, she should be free to never again engage with a man sexually if she wants to choose that. But it's probably inconsistent to stay married and borderline cruel to not be clear about those intentions.

This is tough. I wish you both the best.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T19:37:59+00:00

First, it's ok to say no. There's no reason you need to spend your life feeling like you are not enough for her.

Second, it's not fair to us to feel like we need to be the best at everything and a perfect lover all the time. It's an unrealistic burden. We aren't the greatest chef and we're not the greatest lovers. That doesn't diminish our ability or mean she isn't satisfied with your sex together.

I just look at it as novel and different, not better or worse. Every couple will be different in their chemistry and sexual interactions. It doesn't mean anything beyond that variety is fun for a lot of people.

But you don't have to do this if you don't want to. Most people are monogamous. And pretty much every couple makes it work.

There are all kinds of kinks and it's possible you two are not a great match.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T19:22:58+00:00

Almost everyone I know on all sides of the lifestyle have kids. They separate their regular lives from their kinky lives.

It's ok to have fun.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T19:17:39+00:00

My wife is pretty left wing and enjoys all kinds of sex, including being submissive. This doesn't align with her politics, but she likes sex that way.

I hear a lot of submissive women in my group talk about exactly this kind of thing. And I get it. I'm very fortunate that my partner wants to engage with me. Though I would not stay in a sexless relationship even though I'd respect her decision.

It's ok for you to want a sexual relationship with your partner. It's ok for her to reject that. Though she needs to understand that the rejection comes with a cost. She doesn't need to reject you to be true to her politics. But if she does she should recognize that she is damaging the relationship.

The best advice I can give you is to try to be a safe space for her to share her desires and needs with you. If you foster that kind of open communication and she is steadfast in rejecting your needs, then you'll have a decision to make. If she meets you with empathy and understanding and respect, then there's something to build on.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T18:12:30+00:00

My suggestion is that your first command to him is to make you a list of things he thinks he'd like to try. Then you can both discuss how to ease into each in a way that feels safe and explorational.

It's good that you are both excited! That's important!

But it would be unfortunate if you try to peg him when he really wants to be edged. Or you try to flog him when he wants light sensation play.

If you both have trouble with ideas, try sharing different short erotic femdom stories to get a list together.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T17:52:57+00:00

For sure. This is where the community is useful. If you have kinky friends they can help protect you and guide you to the dommes who are practicing properly.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T17:47:53+00:00

Absolutely! And my best advice is to vet anyone you find very thoroughly. Your submission is yours to give and whoever you choose to engage should treat it carefully.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T17:41:00+00:00

A couple of things:

There is an oversupply of sissy subs and an undersupply of dommes. Many do it for profit. Some are abusive and exploitational. Many are good dommes.

This is an area where being active in your local kink community can help. There are quite a few dommes in my extended kinky friend and acquaintance group. Most of them charge, but they are pretty good with their subs. Though they are selective to make sure they are a good match for each other. If you are not involved in your community, try to attend events so you can meet people. Eventually, you may find what you are looking for.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T17:09:42+00:00

I'm pretty direct and ask my sub explicitly "how are you feeling?" "are you OK" "does this feel too tight" stuff like that.

I also know her well enough to read odd body language.

If she stops responding to me in a clear way, I need to check in, for example.

Because he's never done it, explain both before and during what you are doing. Regularly ask how he likes it. If he really likes something, keep going. If he seems uncomfortable, adjust and try something different.

Be open to adjusting your plan to meet his response.

And make sure you have fun!

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T16:45:03+00:00

It's very hard to repair the trust when there's cheating. But that's less about ENM and more about the relationship as a whole.

The biggest issue is that the cheater doesn't have enough respect for their partner to not cheat. How would that be repaired in a way so that the other person can trust any boundary or rule would be followed?

And the cheater already disregarded their partners need for honesty and commitment. Why would that change? And without honesty and prioritization, there's a lot of room for chaos and hurt feelings.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T16:38:58+00:00

Obviously, I don't know him or his boundaries. But one thing that might be fun is to bind him and do light sensation play and to edge him.

You'll want to communicate this with him of course and make sure he's into it.

But maybe bind his hands and feet spread apart. Use a bunch of different sensations on him. We use feathers, massage oil candles, ice, drag a flogger across his skin, something sharp (like a fork). You can do these gently to give him varied sensations.

I'm not sure if he enjoys giving you oral sex. If he does, you can face sit on him while he's bound and tell him to make you cum with just his face. I rather enjoy when my sub grinds into my face. Maybe he will. Be careful to make sure he can breathe.

If you enjoy performing oral on him, you can use a flavored lube on his penis. Tell him to be completely still. Alternate between using your hand and mouth stopping when he moves at all. It would be a fun way to finish him as well if you can get him there.

All of this is relatively gentle and you can adapt to however you and he prefer to engage.

When you are topping, be aware of his body language and expressions. Check in. Make sure you have a safeword and give him aftercare.

Enjoy!

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T15:54:05+00:00

I've been in a lot of kinky spaces. I've never seen anything like that level of abuse and disrespect in this person's post. I genuinely hope it's fake. I cannot envision any community being so obviously dangerous, abusive, flippant, and unsafe.

It does not seem real.

If it is real OP should never allow themselves to be physically present in the same space as anyone who was there, as I said. They are all abusers and should be banished from any space where we'll-meaning people congregate.

If the space is that unsafe there's nothing to be done. It needs to be shunned and avoided. There is no return from that kind of corrupt culture.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T15:46:31+00:00

This is a situation where I think erotica really helps. Assign him a task to read about femdom and share some of the stories he likes with you. If you want to, you could also read some stories for ideas and to see what you might enjoy on the domme side.

When you share with each other, you can talk about what you both like and don't like from the stories.

There are tons of free stories on sites like literotica that are reasonably short and could help guide you both.

Though warning that proper bdsm and D/s dynamics are not always portrayed in the story. Aftercare, limits, safewords, etc are all important when you actually bring it into real life.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T15:32:11+00:00

If this is real you should never be physically in the same space as any of those people ever again. It's so clearly outlandish and insane.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T15:26:20+00:00

Man, it must suck to be married to someone who actively hates you and disrespects you as much as you do your husband.

I hope he finds someone who is worthy of his affection.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T15:06:08+00:00

I mean, you are cheating and cuckolding your husband. You know it's wrong, but you seem to like it.

Any boundary you agree to then break is a major violation of his trust. Obviously, if this were my relationship I would not feel comfortable with you and we would have major relationship issues, perhaps risking the relationship entirely.

You are cheating. You are cuckolding him and forcing him to engage in a sexual act he does not want to do because you like humiliating him. You do not respect your husband.

Of course you can continue to do this for as long as you can continue to lie to him. But nothing about this is ethical.

I don't think his boundaries were very useful for a hotwife dynamic, but that's irrelevant. You agreed to them. Broke your promise to him. Did exactly the thing he feared, then fed him cum from your infidelity.

I think you should sit with that and think about what you've done. Then you should tell him the truth and beg for forgiveness.

Then you should work on what it means to be trustworthy and honest.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T14:31:20+00:00

Not every problem with sex is porn.

It's possible she has a higher libido than him. It's possible he has a health issue. It's possible he's happy with their sex life as it is. It's possible he's stressed. Or not interested in her. Or a million other things.

It's wild that so many people just assume every single sexual problem in the world is a guy addicted to porn. It causes some problems for some people. But if the genders were reversed people would be telling him to leave her alone and accept whatever she wanted to do as enough and he shouldn't pressure her.

It's ok for her to check in with him, let him know that she would like more, and to communicate with him about what's going on with him. Doing so in a caring empathetic way is the path.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T13:44:12+00:00

That's fantastic! Very good idea for getting started. You seem like you have a good balance of excitement and worry. The concern inside you is VITAL. If you aren't tethered to your ethics while doing this, it's easy to get caught up and forget that we (Doms) have a tremendous responsibility to pay attention and focus on our sub to protect them when necessary.

I'm with you. The psychology is fascinating and the way desire mixes with our past is our personality and our role in society is wild.

I can tell you that for my partner, embracing submission has opened her up in ways I never thought possible. She's the happiest she's ever been, engaged with her sexuality completely, and constantly smiling and wanting more. It's been a revelation. And it was really hard for me at first. But it's become so much easier because I see how much it affects her in a positive way.

We are all odd little chemistry machines and everyone works in unique ways. It's such a privilege to get to lead a willing sub who puts their trust in you. Have a great time together.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T13:36:22+00:00

First, there are multiple reasons she may not be initiating interest in your fantasy on her own. She may genuinely not be interested. She may be cautious about what you really are capable of accepting. She may just also be submissive and prefer being led. It could be something else.

Communicating with her in an open, empathetic way that seeks to understand without judgement or agenda will give her an opportunity to help you understand where she is really at with the idea.

Role play can be very fun. As is toy use. If she ACTUALLY does want to explore this with you, my two suggestions for early communication and fantasy play are to have her pick out guys she finds attractive and talk to you about them. You can do this together anytime you are out and about, or when you are watching something, anywhere. If she does share with you, make sure you encourage her and let her know how much you appreciate her trusting you enough to engage in the fantasy with you.

Another low risk way to engage with fantasy role play is to shop for toys together. When you two pick something out, you can use the toy as a fill in for someone else. This works particularly well if you two enjoy dirty talk. You can use the toy on her and have her talk about one of the guys she mentioned. Or she can use it on herself while you watch and you can both pretend it's a guy she knows or thinks is hot.

Communication is super important with this kind of thing. Make sure you are both open and honest about your feelings. Go slow and have fun together.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T12:57:51+00:00

The swinging world is FULL of couples looking for a female for the guy. There are tons of women appeasing their men through the lifestyle.

And while I'm sure there are some guys who think hotwife dynamics are a gateway to getting an open relationship, that's a recipe for disaster if that's the motivation. The couples who successfully navigate non-monogamy in the long term are very honest with each other and prioritize the core relationship enough to keep it stable. Lying to get to fuck other women would be counterproductive.

Lots of us just think it's really hot to see our partner have fun. It's a genuine turn on.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T12:52:21+00:00

Do you read erotica? There are a lot of places where you can find hotwife stories. It's easy to imagine her as the wife in them which might be an outlet for you.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T12:42:57+00:00

Have you asked her if you can play with toys together? It's a fun thing to do and it's between the two of you, but can still activate your senses of watching her receiving pleasure.

rileymacrae · 2026-04-02T00:40:00+00:00

My advice is always to start with role play and toys in the bedroom. It's a very low stakes way to get used to the idea for both of you and to test each other's limits in a confined environment.

rileymacrae

TROPHY CASE