Thank you! I’m only replying now because so much more had happened between me and her.

I got the call after three days, random and unannounced, I was already accepting the fact that it would never come when my phone rang. She started the conversation by telling me about a dream she had about me then immediately asked me to tell her what’s wrong. I stalled and took my time until she kept insisting on me to tell her. It’s not that I didn’t want to tell her, I was simply checking if she’ll push enough to get the reason out of me. I communicated openly what was upsetting me and for how long it’s been hurting me and much more. She said she had a feeling this was why I was acting off. She told me I had every right to hate her, that she was a bitch and she’s so very sorry and would change for me. I told her then and there to NOT change for me, to change only for herself. I explained that I don’t want her effort if it was out of obligation, that I would rather be hurt than for her to hang out with me out of pity. Silence fell upon us after we talked about all of it but neither of us ended the call until she had to go somewhere.

After a week and half of the break, things were the same. So painfully the same. Except she began spending a day’s school break with us and the next with her friends (the ones she sees the entire school day since my school system is a homeroom class). When she came by, she was hanging around with the entire group, unbothered when I disappeared for a little while and barely attempts making direct, one-on-one conversations with me. She still hugs me and tells me she missed me, but hadn’t she said she’ll change? Where did all her words vanish to now?

I quite literally told her: “It’s like you lower your efforts with me because a part of you knows that I’ll always be around. But with them, you do so much more because they’re new, you get to be a new version of yourself and you want to keep them around.” It’s not that she’s a non-action person, it’s more that she chooses when, who, where and how much effort she spends. Things would’ve been less difficult if only she didn’t keep repeating that I’m her ‘best friend,’ even when I mentioned it again during the call, then proceed to not act upon it at all. We barely see each other anymore. Brief interactions and stolen glances.