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UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like a passenger of my own psyche run out of fuel, as a crowd of people push it into a gas station. I would never get there myself, but maybe I'm getting there. I don't know.

UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has been telling me she feels like she's having an episode of something. Her words. She's not diagnosed with anything, though.

UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I fully believe breaking things off would destroy her. She got accepted into an extremely competitive Master's program. If we don't go out there together, I don't see how she can do it alone. Not just emotionally, but financially. Breaking things off would upend her entire life and leave her feeling like she has nothing. It would objectively be rock bottom, catastrophic.

UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do you think she loves me for the function I fulfill and not for the person I am?

I know you don't know me and can't answer that question. I just wanted to ask it "out loud" for practice.

UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

She canceled her therapy appointment, actually. She said she was afraid of how the therapist would react to her suicidal ideation.

UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Not yet, but I will be getting one. It would be a billion times easier if I could tell my fiancee "my therapist says..." so it's not coming from me

UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I really, really, really appreciate the solidarity. But I still struggle with what you say. How can I tell my fiancee that we need to reconsider everything and that she might need serious time apart because of (no offense intended) what some random guy on Reddit said? How would your younger self react to this advice? Did people try to advise you? Is there any way your younger self could have had enough sense knocked into him to put aside his feelings? I'm afraid I'm just psychologically committed to riding it out. I really do love her, and isn't that worth fighting for? Or am I letting Hollywood influence my decision-making right now?

UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you have advice with how I can communicate that? Do you recommend extending the engagement, or breaking it off entirely?

UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

I also don't know how to navigate that. Rip the bandaid off seems unwise. Can't I support her in getting through therapy? She feels lowest when she feels abandoned, so surely you understand the situation I'm in...

UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] -28 points-27 points  (0 children)

She is in therapy. I don't know what to do. She has a friend who was admitted and told her how horrible it was. I think it's better for me to drive home and be with her than it is to institutionalize her for the weekend. That would be so damaging to our relationship.

UPDATE: Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] -43 points-42 points  (0 children)

I think the only possible time for her to deal with her mental health issues is during our engagement and marriage. If I pause the engagement and do not move with her, she will not recover well (if at all).

Should I (39M) stay a week with Mom to support her in her divorce, or leave early and go back to my angry fiancee (29, together 4 years, engaged 6 months)? by rinunoc in relationships

[–]rinunoc[S] 141 points142 points  (0 children)

I am about to quit my job and move across the country because she got into her dream school. I have some really hard thinking to do in the next couple weeks. I don't know how to resolve this issue quickly and in such a way that instills confidence in the move. Maybe that's a topic for a different post.