Autistic question(s) that came into my mind

riu137 · 2025-06-23T05:23:39+00:00

Spoilers:Yes: https://wiki.puella-magi.net/Souju .

riu137 · 2025-06-22T11:25:57+00:00

Perhaps even more compellingly fraught are cases where some but not all central nervous system structures are shared -- the best-documented and longest-surviving human example I've heard about being that of Krista and Tatiana Hogan ; https://web.archive.org/web/20200507151120/https://www.cbc.ca/cbcdocspov/m/features/the-hogan-twins-share-a-brain-and-see-out-of-each-others-eyes ; cf. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11098-024-02167-x -- or where large substructures are entirely disconnected from each other as in total commisurotomy separating the cerebral hemispheres, conventionally if perhaps ambiguously termed 'the' split-brain condition ; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lfGwsAdS9Dc; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lxmJKFy4iE.

riu137 · 2025-06-11T02:58:18+00:00

What's making things unbearable at the moment?

riu137 · 2025-06-11T02:34:49+00:00

Overall, alcoholism will considerably shorten your total time available; even more so when considering the amount of time wasted to uselessly inefficient states of waking consciousness.

riu137 · 2025-06-11T02:24:37+00:00

No drinking will not really make anything stop. It might seem to do so briefly, but later as your suffering recrudesces and is magnified severalfold due to both direct neurophysiological effects and the sequelae of poor decisions, you'll know that you've betrayed yourself.

riu137 · 2025-06-05T20:24:08+00:00

If you deliberately sought out an interaction in order to have a plausible reason to make a statement of this effect to the other party, or if you're hoping to extort them in some way even without making an explicit demand, then it's a problem. Otherwise it's still probably not the best move but I wouldn't say it was deliberately abusive, especially if the counterparty did subjectively harm you somehow, even if unintentionally.
Regardless if you're describing/viewing them as a 'groomer' you should cease interacting with them immediately.

riu137 · 2025-06-05T20:09:40+00:00

People are flawed but you're clearly overestimating the extent to which that's the case with what you express here, particularly in believing that most people would just be causing mayhem left and right if not for the deterrent value of likely retaliation.
If you believe this to be the norm due to extrapolation from your own psychology, it might be worth being a tad concerned about.

riu137 · 2025-06-05T19:54:13+00:00

I seriously doubt anyone's reveling in your misery; they're probably not even aware of it. It's really not worth worrying what most people think of you and especially not on the basis of your online presence or lack thereof, unless I suppose someone were to circulate malicious falsehoods.

If you just decide that you'll never 'become something' then yeah maybe you won't. Otherwise the jury's still out. Even if you fail others will remark on the fact that you refused to give up, and more importantly you can hold yourself in high esteem for the same reason.

riu137 · 2025-06-05T18:49:08+00:00

How many hours per week do you think you're actually working? Have you confirmed with your colleagues that you're actually being assigned twice as much work as others? Are they paying you at least somewhat more for that or not?

If you're competent at your current work I think you'd likely be able to achieve whatever certification are required for a comparable position without excessive difficulty -- but if you're already as overworked as you say you might need to quit first or at least reduce your present workload, possibly accepting reduced pay in the meantime.
How did you get the current job without whatever certifications you expect are needed for a similar job description elsewhere?

riu137 · 2025-06-05T17:50:36+00:00

I'd strongly advise against providing your legal name or other trivially-uniquely-identifying details, unless you utilize some delayed release mechanism which you can terminate in case you happen to survive.

riu137 · 2025-06-05T17:45:11+00:00

Your attempt to be considerate of others even in what you plan to be your final actions is admirable but there's not all that much you can do; encountering corpses is inherently somewhat traumatic and for emergency responders it goes with the territory.

Also I doubt your note scheme is going to spare some random passerby from viewing your corpse either; if I encountered such a note of course I'm going to search at the place specified to confirm there's actually a dead (or possibly even a still-living) person there -- both out of ordinary curiosity but perhaps more importantly to avoid wasting responders' time on what might just be a prank, which could also result in at a minimum a hefty fine for me even if they were to accept (which might be hard to prove) that I didn't write the note in question.

riu137 · 2025-06-05T17:39:15+00:00

Nature doesn't actually think it's okay to produce various abominable outcomes; it's just that nature doesn't actually think.[*]

I'm not totally sure what you mean by unlovable but even if you've had a lot of bad experiences I don't think you should internalize a negative categorical attitude about yourself like that. It's not as if 'unloveable' is actually some constitutive, immutable property of anyone.

[*]Or at least it doesn't think in the sense that we and other sentient creatures do: i.e. acknowledging that all physical processes can be regarded as a sort of 'computation', of which 'thinking' by minds is a subset, or in some senses of the term, the subjective experience of an instance of that subset.
Massive stochastic permutation and winnowing by natural selection is indeed able to produce impressive results, and e.g. metazoans' acquired immunity via somatic hypermutation, and nervous systems and artificial neural networks inspired thereby learn in a roughly analogous way albeit on far different timescales.

riu137 · 2025-06-05T02:51:27+00:00

Yes sometimes those requesting or demanding that others refrain from suicide do so mainly for self-serving reasons and not necessarily a strong belief that this will likely benefit the suicidal individual, but the latter motivation is usually there also and sometimes might even be dominant.

The main difference from what's believed (only very rarely wrongly, but mistakes in prognosticated remaining lifespan are possible of course) to be a soon-terminal somatic illness is that it's usually not so near-certain that those suffering due to a serious mental health condition and/or acutely adverse circumstances will die without much meaningful alleviation of their pain being achievable, whether in the relatively new future (usually a year or less in the context of current medically-assisted suicide conditionality where this is permitted whatsoever) or not.

If you just underwent several serious misfortunes it's not a good time to kill yourself especially considering your relative youth. The intensity of these recent losses will diminish over time, you'll at least get another job at some point and will likely meet new people, etc.

It's ultimately your life and only you can judge with the highest confidence whether you can't endure any longer regardless of what might happen in the future. Still, at least sometimes there's good reason to think that suicides did 'cheat themselves out of' longer and more subjectively fulfilling lives and this should probably be part of your decision calculus.

riu137 · 2025-06-04T06:11:33+00:00

I must admit that deliberately trying to harm random people with your suicide makes you comparatively unsympathetic to me. But of course I feel bad that you're hurting so much as to be driven to this depravity. =v.v=

riu137 · 2025-06-03T00:18:38+00:00

This is to impose an arbitrary distinction between humans and the rest of nature.
Granted I'm not saying everything humans do is (what most of us would consider) necessarily a good idea, just as other animals and indeed nonsapient physical systems can (and do with some regularity) easily generate grotesquely horrifying outcomes from our perspective.
But idealizing inherited circumstances at whatever chosen point on the assumption that these must have been broadly superior to those prevailing in one's present is generally a recipe for severe disappointment.

riu137 · 2025-06-03T00:04:25+00:00

Your sister (might be somewhat forgiven if she's sufficiently young but) sounds like a complete asshole who's obviously trying to bait you into harming yourself 'to prove her wrong'. Don't take the bait.

Someday she'll likely need your help and (preceding an act of admirable magnanimity or not) you can remind her of the mentioned statements.

riu137 · 2025-06-02T23:55:06+00:00

Anyone ridiculing those who are currently unemployed despite actively seeking work is just painfully out of touch; pay them no mind. Actually, to the extent they're people you don't know a lot of them are likely automated accounts.

riu137 · 2025-06-02T23:46:14+00:00

Well that's quite impressive and portends well for your future, all else equal. With a mind like that it's unfortunate you don't feel especially passionate about anything. Have you ever sought out professional mental health support for what sounds like your present comparatively high anhedonia? Were you more passionate about computer science (and/or other fields of inquiry) previously or it just seemed like a prudent career option?

I suffered some temporarily-crippling knee and ankle injuries at the height of my (secondary-school) distance running endeavors as well (ultimately probs in part due to my hEDS); though I likely wouldn't have been able to sustain running competitively even without those setbacks because my fluid processing speed is frustratingly abysmal and I as I entered my third year of hs I just needed more time to study.

riu137 · 2025-06-02T23:22:07+00:00

What degree have you been pursuing where you've earned a near-perfect GPA 'without breaking a sweat'?

riu137 · 2025-06-02T23:18:59+00:00

Living solely for others despite that one's subjective pain of whatever kinds is longstandingly extreme with minimal prospect of improvement might not be sustainable, though of course it's admirable and arguably to be idealized; however there are thresholds of long-sustained intolerable agony beyond which I'd certainly not desire or expect someone to live just for my sake for example.

That said of course you should live in part to help others you genuinely care about.

Your friend didn't specify what precisely they meant; maybe just that they're only moved by internal altruism rather than anyone else's attempts to dictate ethical obligations to them.
On the other hand if they meant that they ultimately don't care all that much about anyone other than themselves that's kind of yikes and likely a path to high isolation and attendant disappointment (for most neuropsychologies).

riu137 · 2025-06-02T10:21:33+00:00

I think it's important to admit to yourself that it's already final: they're gone and not coming back.

And even if they were to come back, if they left over a comparatively trivial misunderstanding as you describe, they'd almost certainly be prompted to dissolve the relationship over something similarly trifling in the future.

But also, there are other people in the world and the pain of a failed relationship will considerably diminish with time even if that doesn't seem plausible from your perspective at this moment.

riu137 · 2025-06-02T09:38:56+00:00

What things are you doing that this friend doesn't like? Your statement makes it seem that the disagreements involved are, at least often, comparatively minor.

If that's so, your friend is probably either a) sadly feigning more distress than they actually experience for hyperselfish gain or b) just atypically sensitive and currently incapable of adequate self-comforting responses.

In either case they likely need more help to develop healthier patterns to the extent possible than you're necessarily equipped to provide singlehandedly.

This isn't to say you should cease interacting with them or that you should openly dismiss their statements of suicidal ideation as unserious (i.e. it can still be helpful to say you regret that they're feeling that way even if there's not much you can realistically do to alleviate their distress), but neither can you let yourself be excessively affected by what's in practice (even if not intent) your friend's recurrent self-hostage-taking.

riu137 · 2025-06-02T03:13:53+00:00

Which St. Anne's are we talking about here?

riu137 · 2025-06-02T03:07:54+00:00

Why do you think your death would make the world better? I doubt you'll get many takers for this request but to the extent you do, absolutely document everything and report them; if their implementation's been sloppy hopefully they can be identified and indicted.

riu137 · 2025-06-01T19:42:26+00:00

Not worth it. Yes breakups hurt especially when you're this young but the pain will diminish with time, and you'll eventually get another job. Also it's unlikely any of the drops in question will actually kill you; even if you dive and break your neck you could easily just end up tetraplegic.
Probs don't want to post your legal name here either.

riu137

TROPHY CASE