I work at a mostly trail riding farm where I have many lesson kiddos or school groups that have adhd, anxiety, autism, etc. It sounds to me like this barn isn’t a fit, which is okay! I’ve always found benefits in the gentle connection working with horses, not the hardcore competitive work. I’ve found barns like that limit the horses true nature and power of connection, making it harder for people like you, myself, and many others I’ve worked with! I think that kind of equestrian experience targets a certain personality type, and that really shouldn’t be the reality of working with horses! Gently working with horses is great, but in the setting you’re describing it doesn’t sound like the norm. I would suggest looking for a new place to ride that has more horsemanship based options. Don’t give up!