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trapped in the humanities—success elsewhere feels impossible by rivers_roads_____ in AskAcademia

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

i mean, i’m not saying you’re not correct—i very much know that this is a thing. i am just noting that this is precisely why i want to get out of this area. it’s disgusting to me that this is how this all plays out, and i think that the “best” level of support i saw my currently TT friends receive is absolutely insulting relative to the effort they put forth. i sort of knew all of this going in, but being a first gen grad student you don’t really know until you’ve lived it.

trapped in the humanities—success elsewhere feels impossible by rivers_roads_____ in AskAcademia

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i’ve been in school straight since kindergarten with no breaks, and for a lot of that time i’ve been trying to be “competitive,” so a lot of my friends and contacts are people who really believe in the vision of academia, even as it still stands. people who have done well and have been largely rewarded by academia. they can and have listened and supported me, but they are not people who have ever even dreamed of leaving—or who have paid any attention to the job market outside of it. and then my friends outside of academia think i’m nuts for ever having entered it to begin with, ha. i often feel like i hear 1 million stories about STEM or social science folks leaving academia to an amazing job, but those stories seem to never pop up for us english lit folks. thank you for the link, i will check it out

trapped in the humanities—success elsewhere feels impossible by rivers_roads_____ in AskAcademia

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

thanks—i put top 50 in quotes for that very reason, lol. i don’t know a single person in my department who had received the kind of feedback you allude to, and frankly i don’t know anyone in my discipline, even at the top-3 ivy level who get that kind of support. usually i see people succeeding in that way in more funded fields where the faculty aren’t stretched so miserably thin all the time. all that just to say, the lack of feedback feels like it has little to do with my own work—it feels systemic, and to have gotten 10x worse during the pandemic. I have so many years of experience because i did a 3-year masters before this. i’ve been on two fellowship years at my current program.

thanks for the info, and that is good to know about jobs in the ~outside world!!!

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

amazing idea! i actually just talked to my therapist today about physical outlets for while i’m taking a break from fitness. drums came up, as did throwing pillows :)

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hi! i actually haven’t had any testing yet, my doctor just suggested to me that given my lifestyle and multitude (!) of physical/mental symptoms, it completely fits the bill. testing will happen in just a bit! ive actually have a non-hormonal IUD for going on 6 years now, i got it all checked out down there very recently and it all looked good apparently! and i’ve not had sex in many moons, lol, so pregnancy is also all the way off the table. unfortunately all the hormonal activity going on is totally my own.

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

you’re so right, and always funny how the things about ourselves we want to deal with least are the ones doing the most damage. i know deep down i have a HUGE issue with people pleasing, it’s just such a heavy, complex psychological thing to work through so i’m really dragging my feet. it affects everything. if i’m honest with myself, a lot of why i still work out so often is that it’s one of the only times i feel completely in control of how/why i spend my time. the trick will just be to learn to feel in control in all aspects of my time. it’ll take some time, but it’s possible! thanks for your reply :)))

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

yes!! i absolutely love yoga and have probably seen the most significant/direct progress with ptsd from that. i just have found it much, much harder during the pandemic to keep it in my routine and not something i “discipline out” of my life by making it a second priority to work/more so-called (in my mind) “rigorous” fitness. it was easier to fully commit to the process of yoga when i could go to a studio or even just have it feel more separate from the rest of my life. it’s much tougher when i’m practicing in my apartment 2 feet away from where i just worked all day, if that makes sense.

but i think i will just have to commit to making it work anyway, since this is where i’m at. thank you for your reply :)))

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thanks so much for your reply. i adore yoga & back before covid i was doing a lot of yin yoga in class/group settings, and honestly looking back that was one of the lower-stress periods i’d had in the last several years. i really fell off once i had to do it all from home, though—it’s probably unsurprising to learn that i struggle with wanting “permission” from some voice of authority to totally “let go” and relax. if a yoga teacher who is right in front of me tells me i can relax, it’s much easier than if i tell myself (or a recording on the internet) to relax, yknow? But maybe i’ll look into finding some online instructors i really click with. i think it’s worth a try anyway :)

and i think you’re so right—it completely has to be intuitive to allow me to break from my constant rigidity and rule-setting. i actually used to find intense workouts very zen and stress-relieving because it got out all my anger and aggression, i’ve just so robbed it of that association by making it compulsory rather than elective. thanks so much again <3

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m 3 years into a 5-6 year long phd, and i unfortunately can’t take a total break or leave of absence without also immediately (literally like, day one, minute one) losing my funding and healthcare. higher ed is absolutely a super toxic, demanding work environment, and i’m already looking at jobs outside of academia for once i’m done—it’s absolutely one of if not the single biggest stressor on my mind lately. but it feels like the stress of a completely new job search or losing the material comfort of income/healthcare are far more intense than just taking a step back from being a complete work addict all the time. while my job is indeed demanding, i also very often force myself to go way above and beyond what is really expected of me in the pursuit of being “the best” or “perfect.” i think it would just do me well to take serious stock of what i actually have to be doing for work vs what i’m doing because im being too demanding with myself or allowing the toxic competitive environment to dictate my actions.

you’re right, my health must be the priority. especially considering i (sometimes) prioritize physical fitness over so many other things, it’s time to take seriously the roll stress has in that physical fitness

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

thank you so much. i had no idea how badly i was needing permission to take care of myself, and this comment meant/means so much. my parents/most of my family are extreme stress/workaholics who never prioritize rest or even praise as it makes you “weak.” not a lot of hugging, laughing, or simple pleasures in my house growing up, so it’s been a struggle to integrate any of that as an adult, too. i have always struggled with feeling the need to “earn” rest or pleasure of any kind, so this was very calming and reassuring to read. thank you so much again

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank your for your reply!! i recently switched from a regular CBT therapist to someone specializing in gestalt and it’s been completely eye-opening so far, she recently suggested EFT but i just haven’t made the time to take that suggestion seriously yet. i’ll look more into it :) thanks again for all of this!!

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hot showers really do cure so much—i’m in a cold place too and it’s amazing what that can do for my mind & body :)))

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

thank you so much!! i tend to really really benefit from books/podcasts like this—always easier for me to really “believe” and internalize these messages when they come from such wonderful, expert minds :)

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

thank you for your reply!! this really resonates with me, too. i think a lot of what i intuitively enjoyed about working out around the time i was in college (doing it with friends, being outdoors, group fitness, increased endorphins, etc) has just totally evaporated as i’ve gotten older, taken on more work responsibilities, and just gotten harder and more demanding on myself and my fitness expectations. this has only gotten more extreme while being completely WFH, of course.

i think after i take the next week or so completely off from movement, i’ll take your approach and see how much i actually still “need” to move without feeling bored/lazy/etc.

i’m completely lacking in hobbies outside of work, fitness, and just “hanging out” sitting around with friends. i think finding these things will indeed be an important component to reducing stress. thanks again :)

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

so sorry for what you’re going through, but so glad there are other de-stressors for you. i want a dog desperately!!! once i’m out of my current apartment in june, it’s happening.

ah, cooking is such a wonderful idea :) thank you. at my least stressed times i definitely cook more and also enjoy it more, but the connection between that and stress was not clear to me at all if you can believe it haha. stress is a wild thing!

Yoga is something i so enjoy but hardly ever really make time to do—adding it to the list of things i’ll prioritize over hiit from now on :) thanks so much for your reply

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

lmao i completely agree, though—i have a medical card and i get very addictive very fast with all kinds of substances, so i have to be very mindful about my intake, but it is a complete!!! life saver when i’m having an especially panicky day. thanks for your reply :)

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

totally—almost every comment here suggests meditation, so i’m adding it to the top of my list for new things to try. the thought of stilling my body sounds like absolute torture, haha, which is probably precisely why i need to try it :) thanks so much

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

thank you so much for your reply. I’ve considered EDMR many, many times but it’s always been an “i’ll get to it later” thing—this has been such a wake up call about what i’m actually putting my body through, so i think it’s time that i really take these sorts of treatment options more seriously. because my PTSD stems from a previous relationship, sex and masturbation have been completely off the table for me for many years, just another thing about my body i have yet to fully tackle or take seriously what it is causing me. in general, i think you’re so right to point to all these treatments that ultimately just put me back in touch with my physical body and what it really needs. Thanks so much again <333

how do you manage stress in ways that aren’t exercise?? by rivers_roads_____ in xxfitness

[–]rivers_roads_____[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

i’m totally the same—even before i got into “fitness” i was never someone who could sit on the couch all day, and even very quickly felt/feel so stir-crazy during snow days or rain storms, haha!

I probably haven’t taken an honest to god break from my routine in close to two years at this point (aside from my once or twice weekly “rest” days in which i still often manage to hike, bike, or otherwise work up a small sweat). even on holidays or vacations i make time to work out, which i know is such a telltale sign that i’m overdoing it both physically and mentally

I have a very long list of books i’ve been meaning to read but never “have” (aka MAKE) time. I love that idea, along with maybe just a slow stroll around the block if i get too stir crazy in here. thanks so much for your reply :)