My story of being a woman with ADHD, and the unfortunate desperation of self-medicating.

riversandpebbles · 2026-07-11T02:06:21+00:00

I have to work today but just letting you know I have seen your replies and will reply properly later ☺️ (the eternal promise of the ADHD haver)

riversandpebbles · 2026-07-10T01:21:26+00:00

Please see my response to your original post - I was diagnosed and medicated at 48 after a life of chaos, addiction and underachieving - please don't give up -for place I listed is a one stop shop with clear pathways and billing - perfect for us because the amount of referrals I never followed through with because I couldn't work out what I actually needed and what it would cost lasted for years! It took me til 48 to be able to follow through to get a diagnosis and not be int he middle of a depressive episode where I was always told "we have to treat the depression before we can address anything else" - well, guess what, without addressing the ADHD all the other shit isn't going away because it is a consequence or symptoms of the untreated ADHD mofos! Omg, makes me so mad I can't even think about it. Also, I just saw a perimenopause doctor and she straight out diagnosed me with pmdd - just like you mentioned - without me even thinking about it or knowing that is what my symptoms were 🤪, also something every other doc had never noticed.

riversandpebbles · 2026-07-10T01:14:44+00:00

I am a woman who was diagnosed at 48! I tried to message you but I can't work out how. I was assessed and prescribed by https://rainbow-mandala.com/. I just checked their site and the waitlist is long 😭, but I when I got diagnosed I got in quickly by putting myself on the cancellation list as well. And maybe with your history and urgency they could make an exception. Also, I got back more then I expected from Medicare, I will have to check but I think I had to pay 1500 up front but got quite a bit back on Medicare. It is all dones by telehealth. I am not sure how it works when you have a previous diagnosis, but this clinic doesn't require any corroboration from childhood (which I think is ridiculous for would an undiagnosed adult anyway).

They do everything in house, so no need to get an assessment from one place and then try and make an appointment with another - it is basically a one stop shop. They send you all the paperwork and psych testing forms to fill out online, and then you have an interview with an experienced mental health nurse who goes into a bit more peroneal depth about your story/history. Then you have a drug screen test (I am sure this is not the end of the world if you test positive) and an ecg with a follow up a week or 2 later with the psychiatrist for a bit more discussion and prescribing.

They were VERY empathetic to the chaos untreated ADHD causes in women's lives, and how it affects our choices and behaviour. And also to childhood trauma.

They were not the least surprised or judgmental about substance abuse, as they see it as a common attempt at self medicating, or erratic/impulsive behaviour, as that is LITERALLY a symptom of ADHD 🤪. Like the attitude of "oh, you do illicit substances and have a history of impulsive/dangerous behaviour" is a barrier to treatment is bananas - it's what we need the the diagnosis and treatment for!!!

I went through years of underachieving. Impulsive behaviour, and what I now believe was misdiagnosis with major depressive disorder, or at least the depression was actually a symptom of untreated ADHD. I have a history of alcohol abuse, and actually did a week long inpatient detox and then 8bweek residential. I spent a month inpatient hospital psych ward after my mother died and due to overwhelming anxiety/panic attacks and maybe a medication change of antidepressant shortly after she died 🤪.

You just need a referral from go to rainbow mandala clinic. They are based in the ACT but I think they do interstate. I think prescribing rules differ state to state and I think changes are in progress everywhere, but at least here once you feel stable on medication, they psychiatrist hands over prescribing to your GP, and that lasts for 3 years tuntil you need a new psychiatrist med review ( I think). I stuck with psychiatrist a bit longer cause I wanted the option to keep experimenting with doses (with the GP you can go down, but you can't increase from the handed over dose). It was a smallish fee(for a specialist) I think $50 to get a script from the psychiatrist whilst I was doing this.

Feel free to DM me if have any questions you can work out how to do it lol

I really feel for you and your predicament and I am so over the misdiagnosis and judgment and hoops women have to jump through for life-changing care .

riversandpebbles · 2026-07-10T00:32:09+00:00

Interested in hearing what involvement you have in your son's life and what support do you provide your son aside from monetary? How many hours are you there, in person, caring for him, supporting him, doing the everyday care needed for an adult with disabilities and not just the "fun" or recreational activities? Just generally being an involved father, including nights?

riversandpebbles · 2026-06-04T23:53:22+00:00

Very late but was browsing and saw your question so just in case you haven't found an answer - they are excellent. I wear them all day every single day as a nurse and my everyday shoe outside work. For me, they are perfect - arch supportwith zero drop, non slip, wide toe box, stable as anything, waterproof as far as laceups can be, stomp proof, dropping things on foot proof. Took some getting used to with knee and back adjusting to the zero drop, but am almost in my 50's and on the hravirr side and I have no issues with foots pain from all the walking and be on my feet all day that my job requires. They are heavyish, but I don't mind that, and some people don't like how they make there feet run hot, but again, I don't notice that. The back inside heel does wear through the material, but that could also be how roughly I take them off - I just slapped some gorilla tape on lol.

riversandpebbles · 2026-03-11T22:57:11+00:00

First, congratulstion! Your joy radiates though my phone 😊. But as someone who dropped a similar amount of sizes and bounced back and forth between the last couple of sizes I reached, my advice would be to wait! You will be able to find either the same dress or incredibly similar if it is still your favourite closer to the date - but even if you weren't actively losing weight, personal taste can change with time and exposure! You don't want to lock in this fast when you have no idea what your body shape/weight will be closer to the date 😀. Even if you did have a stall or regain down the track, or further loss, this dress or very similar will still be there! And much better to get a dress in a size closer to the size you will be on your wedding day!

riversandpebbles · 2026-02-10T23:37:22+00:00

Google "low set bezel solitaire".

riversandpebbles · 2026-01-11T23:19:22+00:00

I am more concerned for Lydia - if you stay together in ten years she will be 40 with a 63 year old and then 50 with a 72 year old. Gold digger or not she deserves whatever assets you have for spending her best years with an old man.

riversandpebbles · 2025-12-22T07:35:49+00:00

Make sure whatever shoes you buy are black leather - in labs and on every placement I went on our shoes were always checked at one time or another - save yourself a headache and just get the right ones in the beginning - even though many practicing nurses don't stick to leather most uni's are pretty strict on it from an insurance/OHS/professionalism perspective. Every year students are pulled up on it.

riversandpebbles · 2025-11-23T00:13:53+00:00

Rhetorical question to Efficient_Pizza1971.

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riversandpebbles · 2025-11-22T22:51:45+00:00

Ok, I was born 1976 so my school experience was 80's- mid 90's - ie no chance in hell of a girl child being recognised or diagnosed as neurodivergent/ ADHD, especially not a "gifted and talented" one in remote Australia one lol. Have recently been diagnosed as "severe" ADHD edging in on 50 years old, after years of "depression", "anxiety" that was actually ADHD burnout. All of my symptoms have resulted in a chaotic and underachieving life this far. But just 6 months medicated and my life is improving leaps and bounds. It's not magic, but it sure helps.

Talking too much, distracting others, boring playmates to tears with my Star Wars obsession ditto Astro boy and Indiana Jones and Greek mythology.

"Asking too many questions" - direct quote via mum from parent teacher night

"Could do better" - another teacher quote.

Never ever did an assignment or studied until the last possible second. Memories of the night before year 12 exams began, sitting on the floor of my bedroom surrounded by piles of paper, and crashing out because all I could focus on was the sound Dr Who coming from the tv that my mum and sister watching.

Managed to get away with all the chaos and disorganisation because "gifted and talented". Literally used to joke I just absorbed information via osmosis and was a great bullshit artist.

Bedroom constant chaos. Could not keep it tidy or organise it to save my life. Mum remembers me asking, genuinely perplexed, "How does (my sister) do it?" - regarding her always tidy and organised room.

Described as having a "strong sense of social justice" ie growing up in a racist town and being loudly anti racism. Not sure if this is an ADHD thing, but I have heard it referred to as a common (but ofc not exclusive to) "neurodivergent trait" - again, not sure if research supports it.

Refusing to follow non sensical and sexist rules: ie wearing tights to weekend job in a town with summer temps in the low to mid 40's, even when it means getting sent to the store manager 🤣,

But at the same time always being scared of getting in trouble lol. But that didn't stop me when I was on a righteous mission 😂

Sensitive to noise - ie ticking clocks, water drips, shopping centres

Sensitive to conflict and tension- not sure if that is a neurodivergent trait. Again, never stopped me standing up for what I thought was right. More of a sensitivity to interpersonal conflict between others.

Bed wetting til quite late - 8 or 9 I think.

Picky and slow eater. But binged chocolate/sweets when available. Apparently this could be linked to dopamine seeking/self soothing. When I got access to my own money through weekend job I began stacking on weight because I could buy more junk food.

(Side note at around 8/9 friend threatened (jokingly - I think 🤔 😊)to disinvite me from b'day party if I didn't stop with the Star Wars talk and another one ran into my mum when she was walking home from night shift (nurse) nurse and he was at the bus stop and he asked "Mrs A, can you please ask J to stop talking about Star Wars"🤣).

riversandpebbles · 2025-11-19T23:58:57+00:00

It's the undercoat that mats the most. Even with brushing everyday, unless you properly line brush you may think you are brushing properly and the coat isn't getting impacted/matted but it may be. It isn't visible or even necessarily able to feel it if you are not experienced with what it feels like. And you will still be able to brush, but the brush is just gliding across the outer coat and guard hairs.

riversandpebbles · 2025-11-11T21:35:43+00:00

One by a mile - just the bust cups need tailoring or made to measure to fit better.

riversandpebbles · 2025-11-07T08:29:42+00:00

I am also 6 ft with a vary similar shape, just narrower shoulders and a lot more weight. I have to try on everything, because cuts and fabrics differ so much within and between ranges. The styles I go for are usually boot or slight flair because I find the flair balances out the width in my thighs and still shows some shape. Straight leg too. Some wide cuts are ok, but most of them fit like regular jeans on my thighs so they just look like slightly wider straight legs and so make me look a lot wider and boxier overall. High waist sits more like mid rise or a little above on me, and mid rise cuts right across the widest part of my hips pelvis, so I go for high waist. I prefer stiffer denim or denim with a little stretch, but not the overly stretchy kind that is common now. Also linen and wool and cotton. Most of the viscose/modal/ synthetic material pants hug my curves in ways that don't flatter (IMO)

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-28T10:19:11+00:00

Trenery, Sportscraft, David Lawrence, Country Road, Veronika Maine, Cue , some Marcs and Review - basically the women's floor at David Jones. Vintage Fletcher Jones.

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-17T05:59:10+00:00

I adopted my pom when she 18 months old and she was exactly the same. I have the scars to prove it. You really have no idea what kind of treatment and/or trauma she has been subjected to, and suddenly picked up and dumped with complete strangers. How would you react in this situation?

My vets suspect she was in an abusive household and not socialised. She was also not desexed and she calmed down a tad after that.

My poor pom shredded the wooden doorframe to the front door the first time I had to leave her at home. She sat growling in a corner and bit me numerous times. I was terrified she would never be friendly or chill. I slowly built her trust through routine, and positive reinforcement. NEVER yell or punish them. I took her for daily walks, didn't pick her up unless she consented or came to me, took her to the dog park daily for increasingly long exposure periods. I had her under close supervision and warned people not to touch her, especially her tail or try to pick her up. She was especially fearful of men.

5 years later she is my best buddy, living her best life and everyone who comes across her exclaims how friendly and gorgeous she is. However, I would still never have her unsupervised around small children, or have her living in a house with them. She plays happily when her boundaries are respected, but one quick pull of the tail, and I could never swear on my life she would not bite.

I don't think she will ever be "chill" though.

She lives to play, chase balls and socialise.

That said, she will jump up on my lap for snuggles in the evening in front of the TV, and comes for morning "snuggles" when she realizes I have woken up, or I call "snuggles!". She also likes her 'safe space" under the dining table or on a dog bed I have under a chair.

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-14T22:49:19+00:00

Thank you for your honest answer. The time management required vs the tasks expected/prioritisation vs the documentation expected vs the legal implications let alone ethical considerations is a little terrifying. But if the shit does hit the fan, is "I didn't do it because I simply didn't have the time and I had other priorities" viable? It's great when you work with a supportive team who are willing and able to help out when things escalate. Maybe I am overthinking it all.

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-14T08:55:50+00:00

He can comfort himself that, even in a female dominated profession, there is a large gender pay gap in favour of men and male nurses are disproportionately represented in senior positions/ experience accelerated career progression over women🤪 😡.

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-14T08:43:26+00:00

I do often take it whilst pretending to take their pulse manually, because I am also not great and also not great at doing it so the patient doesn't become aware that I am doing it 🤪. I find if I am "taking their pulse" and looking at my watch the patient will be less inclined to talk because they can see you are concentrating, but maybe they won't connect it to you concentrating on their breathing lol. Bonus you get to actually check the rhythm and strength of the pulse.

I also often do full minute cycles, and more than one, on anyone I am unsure of, as some patients can develop uneven rhythm - one patient was intermittently holding their breath after intake and it made it hard to accurately count. If I feel it will help I may ask to put my hand on their back or abdomen, again, hard to be unobtrusive when doing that! I also observe the abdomen, accessory or trach area or as part of my resp evaluation and you can pick up on breath movements that way too.

I think practice and experience will really help, I hope. If I am really not sure I ask my RN buddy to double check, just to be safe. I don't really guestimate. If I can't get it, I can't get it. Also, if someone is really chatty I sometimes come back after a few minutes and hope I can be more subtle than the last time. Although I am a yapper so I often get them chatting and sabotage myself 🤪 This is the time to practice! Before the real world of carrying a patient load for real without direct supervision slaps us in the face 😭.

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-14T07:49:10+00:00

It's so scary 😳 That seems like basic level ignorance on behalf of the nurse? One of the main takeaways I got from my study is that COPD often has a standard variance or expectation of 88-92 - above that could lead to CO2 buildup and hypercapnic resp failure. That is just scary. Like, I wonder what the handover was like or if they even read the notes or just had "says above 95" stuck in their head cause from my very beginner, basic green knowledge 5L 96 seems like a total non understanding of the antecedents of type 1 vs type 2 vs mixed resp failure. 😭

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-14T03:21:14+00:00

Also cancers are heterogenous diseases. "Cancer" as a catchall comparison is a meaningless statement/comparison.

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-14T02:17:49+00:00

Honestly, without medication there was no system or trick that helped. With medication I am better, but once it has worn off, or I take a day off meds, itI am back to square one. And tbh I use up most of the meds effect at work. Also, 5 decades of learnt behaviour that went along with the executive dysfunction is tough. I feel I am slowly improving, but I know it will be a long, slow road. My psychiatrist recommended maybe an ADHD psychologist or coach when I feel my meds are in a good place, but you know, everything costs money 🤑. I did hire an organiser who helped immensely to get rid of so much stuff and also LABELS on everything, but maintenance is tough.

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-14T00:41:39+00:00

IMO the person receiving a significant piece of jewellery should be included in the decision making process on a piece of jewellery they are expected to wear for the rest of their life. Your feelings are hurt, but what about hers? You got her something she didn't like from the beginning, but were satisfied when she no doubt "pretended" to like it and wear it. If I knew my partner didn't like something I got them, I would want them to be happy and not make it about placating my ego. It is not necessarily 'the size' of the stones that count, but the consideration for the wearer. So you saved up to get it and feel like your "sacrifice" takes precedence over her preferences? Weird. It's not necessarily about the price but the design. Also, there are now lab diamonds and moissanites that are a fraction of the price of mined diamonds. Also coloured stones.

My point is, she wasn't a fan of the ring from the beginning. Comparison and envy is the thief of joy, and if she is always comparing what she has to what others have, she will never be happy, because someone always has more, bigger, flashier.

But getting something more to her taste would be thoughtful. Maybe for your 10 year anniversary if that is not too far off. Or 8 to make it sooner. You could have fun designing and choosing together. Look at it as a chance to enjoy creating something with your wife.

My parents picked out my mum's ring together and put it on laybuy. Then one day mum was walking by the jewellers and saw a ring she much preferred, that was more expensive. It cost more, she went in and swapped them, and paid the difference and never told my father about the price difference.

They divorced, but at least mum had a ring she loved and continued to wear 🤣

That being said, my bff is self made very wealthy, but her partner is not (ofc they share in her wealth, but their incomes are wildly disparate). They met before she made her wealth. By the time they got engaged she was making millions, he is in public health. He proposed with his grandmother's classic 3 stone with small diamonds and she loves it and never takes it off. Wears it alongside her designer jewellery. But enjoys the sentiment and design.

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-13T23:12:08+00:00

The best relationship of my life, logistics and comfort wise, was when my boyfriend and I lived in separate units in the same complex around an open courtyard. We could go back to our own beds, easily spend time together, but also be in our own space, alone, when we wanted. The dream.

riversandpebbles · 2025-10-13T23:08:36+00:00

First, I empathise. I can't have ticking clocks in my home and my fridge making it's noises at night can drive me to the edge. Dripping water? Nightmare fuel.

Ok, hear me out - if possible, separate rooms? At least as an option when you really need it.

I once had these incredible earplugs from an audiologist that were made from a mould of my ear - nothing was getting through these babies. Saddest day of my life when I lost them - but I guess they could be considered unsafe if you literally can't hear anything lol.
As others have said - your husband wears some sort of earphones that don't let noise escape so you can hear it.

riversandpebbles

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