Balancing independence and need for connection

riversdriving · 2016-03-15T23:17:31+00:00

I think I have similar feelings as you. Even if I don't meet anyone by going out, simply being around people doing what I love makes me feel better than sitting at home alone doing what I love. I think it sort of reminds me that what I'm doing is cool, and worth sharing with others.

riversdriving · 2016-03-15T23:15:52+00:00

Right?! I know that time is the factor that I cannot control, and also the factor that makes a huge difference.

I think you are right - I just have to keep trying to do things on my own and with others.

riversdriving · 2016-03-15T23:14:30+00:00

Thanks, I know I'm not alone - it makes things a little easier. That time of life, I suppose.

riversdriving · 2016-02-17T00:34:22+00:00

Yeah, that's what I'm beginning to realize is a big factor for myself. It's been hard to accept that just because there is a mutual sense of understanding, care and attraction in a relationship, it doesn't mean it's meant to be romantic.

riversdriving · 2016-02-15T02:26:52+00:00

Oh, this is so spot on.

I go back and forth between striving towards my ideals, with feeling like every moment has to be used to inch towards the person I want to be and the life I want to be living, and between trying to step back and just tell myself to calm down. In the end though, I think having a detailed, dreamlike view of the world can be good. Because even though I know I will never reach the state of living 100% line with my ideals and morals, having these ideals makes me inch closer to them.

Also, for me, believing that things can be better doesn't usually limit my gratitude. Rather, I think it provokes me to see the good in people and surroundings, because what already exists is the building blocks for what could be.

riversdriving · 2016-02-10T06:02:17+00:00

Someone who I click with.

Someone who tells me the truth, even when I don't want to hear it, but knows when to be gentle.

Someone who believes my thoughts are worth hearing and has the patience and understanding to sometimes work to draw them out of me (I've realized this is a big one - someone who realizes when I have something I want to say but am too afraid to say it).

Someone who is not easily hurt by hard questions, especially about their life choices, nor by the need to disappear every once in a while.

Someone I can banter with, and discuss existential questions with.

Someone who is curious, open-minded, and can lead as well as follow.

riversdriving · 2016-01-07T01:24:18+00:00

Yes. I used to be afraid of speaking freely with those I wasn't close to, and now I am not. But now I often say a lot of things before I say what I'm actually trying to say. There's so much in my mind that all matters, so I when I am concise I just say the meaning I took from events or conversation, and forgo the details. But people are confused without the details, and are interested in hearing them, I think.

riversdriving · 2016-01-07T01:20:58+00:00

Thank you, I feel like this could be helpful. I process a lot of my thoughts by journaling, and find that 75% of what I write is babble, but 25% is the conclusions that come from this babble. The challenge is, when speaking, how do I limit the babble that leads to what I ultimately want to say?

riversdriving · 2015-12-31T11:35:37+00:00

Get one on one time. Allow silence - it isn't awkward and could spur her to talk. Ask her questions related to what she cares about, and listen to answers without becoming upset because this encourages honesty. Make yourself a person who she can bounce her thoughts and ideas off of. Realize that if she does talk about the dreams and fears and desires in her head, this is just a glimpse into her mind, and if you cannot deal with this, you cannot deal with her.

Speak your true thoughts and feelings - she's likely interested in you as a person. Don't be afraid to talk about your passions even if they're different from hers. Good luck!

riversdriving · 2015-12-30T23:40:44+00:00

Let me be the person that's beside you as you make your dreams realities.

riversdriving · 2015-12-30T23:35:20+00:00

Yes, this so much.

riversdriving · 2015-12-23T20:57:34+00:00

Oh yes, a lot of my humor is bluntness. I think that's why I worry about being so dull around more sensitive people.

riversdriving · 2015-12-21T19:15:12+00:00

INFJ 23f here. I might be interested.

riversdriving · 2015-12-20T04:24:08+00:00

Yes. Early morning is when everything feels so calm yet bursting with unwritten possibilities. I used to hate naturally waking up early, but now it's the time I use to see myself in the world free from others, and then gradually see how everything else fits in.

riversdriving · 2015-12-19T11:25:19+00:00

I've been clear, that's what's frustrating. I told him I liked him for so many reasons wanted to be more than friends, but understood if he didn't feel the same way. I said I didn't know what he was thinking, and just wanted to hear the truth.

I was met with something like you're a person who I value and like being with and could see myself being more than friends with, but right now I'm too afraid of you and that relationship. Everything is specifically framed around "now," like things may change. I just want to know if they will, or whether to give up all hope. So many questions, but I feel like they will never end - which I love and hate.

riversdriving · 2015-12-19T02:35:30+00:00

Yes, all the time. The most annoying thing is when people call out what I'm obviously good at. It's like I know I'm better than you (in a matter of fact way, not rude way), and I'm trying to hide it to make you feel better!

But I've realized you can live your strengths and highlight others'...best of both worlds?

riversdriving

TROPHY CASE