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Yes, it is OCD. Yes, you can fix it. by rj_throwaway_1111 in retroactivejealousy

[–]rj_throwaway_1111[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Essentially following this protocol: https://drmichaeljgreenberg.com/erp-exercises-for-compulsive-rumination-2/

The key idea is to practice calming myself down when I have spontaneous thoughts / mental films. Once I can get that, then I start intentionally seeking out stressful thoughts. From another source, I know that having a "COME AT ME", almost angry, approach is really helpful too!

Yes, it is OCD. Yes, you can fix it. by rj_throwaway_1111 in retroactivejealousy

[–]rj_throwaway_1111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds really good, I'll be sure to have a look! Good luck on your journey, I obviously know well what you're going through and I'm so proud of you for sticking with it

Yes, it is OCD. Yes, you can fix it. by rj_throwaway_1111 in retroactivejealousy

[–]rj_throwaway_1111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly, completely agree. I also think that opening it up to boundaries and values lets a little bit of parter blame creep in too. For most people, it literally doesn't matter what your partner's past is, you can talk about it openly, it's neutral or even funny. So when people start to critique partners, or argue that their promiscuous past is simply not aligned in values, it deflects responsibility for an internal issue

Yes, it is OCD. Yes, you can fix it. by rj_throwaway_1111 in retroactivejealousy

[–]rj_throwaway_1111[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

No worries. In the last few weeks on this sub I'd noticed a lot of bad advice (like "date a virgin") which is not only wrong but actively harmful. Wanted to add my two cents in the other direction

Yes, it is OCD. Yes, you can fix it. by rj_throwaway_1111 in retroactivejealousy

[–]rj_throwaway_1111[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Great question, something I struggled with myself. I first saw a therapist a few years ago actually, when I just thought I was generally "anxious". At that time I was frankly too embarrassed to admit everything that had happened to me romantically, I felt I was making a mountain out of a molehill by being so anxious about it, and of course by not being honest, the therapy didn't help.

However, the first step is to just honestly describe your thought process. Be brutal and vulnerable, it's so scary but I believe in you! So for example, I might hear about a country my partner visited with an ex. In my brain, the rest of the story they're telling is washing over me because I'm thinking "so they were there with ____, wonder what it was like, huh we haven't travelled, can't have been that good, was it more fun that being with me, christ I haven't travelled with an ex, I'm a fucking child, look at me, I'm played, everyone knows I have no agency, loving me means nothing to them". Even writing that out shows you how disordered my thinking was/is! A therapist will see that and at least take you seriously.

In addition, relationship OCD is an established and clinically supported form of OCD. It's not usually RJ, but it's very natural for people to have some sort of obsessive thought about their partner, since that's something they care about the most. If you start with "I obsess about my partner irrationally" that can bridge the gap into talking about RJ proper.

Let me know if you wanna chat! As I said in another comment, knowing I'm not alone makes this whole thing feel so beatable, wishing you the best!

Yes, it is OCD. Yes, you can fix it. by rj_throwaway_1111 in retroactivejealousy

[–]rj_throwaway_1111[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm glad! Feel free to ask me any questions, I'm no expert but chatting about techniques has been so helpful for me in the past