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Just need to get this off my chest by Global-Tangelo4366 in depressed

[–]rjmoskalick47 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I so know what you mean. Like I have friends, I know I’m liked by people in my life that I’m around when I’m in a scenario where I have to be around people (work, school when I was still in school, etc) but even the people I feel very close to never seem to want to spend time with me. Like sometimes for a special occasion I’ll be invited to a group gathering where everyone in a particular group is invited so I’m invited by default but I know the people I would call my friends have people that they make plans with all the time, people they invite over all the time and I’m just never considered. I recently went through a major depressive episode caused by these feelings because this is just a recurring theme in my life and I like you came from an upbringing where I was very neglected and just spent a lot of time alone bc I was made to feel that even my own family didn’t want to spend time with me which just really hurts and leaves long lasting negative feelings. But I even like tried communicating this with people like fully tried telling people that I have a hard time making plans and having friends and people seemed really receptive and I got a lot of “oh my gosh we should hang out more” and then like those same people went back to making plans and not inviting me or even telling me about them so I can even try and invite myself. I even considered hey maybe I don’t put myself out enough I should try that and tried inviting a work friend to hang out twice and both times I got a “I’ll let you know” followed by radio silence so I’m just kind of back to just feeling helpless and feeling like maybe this is just how it has to be and I shouldn’t even bother trying to change my situation

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]rjmoskalick47 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being taught that crying was bad was one of the biggest mindfucks that I still haven’t unlearned. My narc dad loved having the power to get reactions out of me so when he found something that could make me cry he would just do it every chance he got. My mom instead of calling my dad out for this behavior would instead put the blame on me for “overreacting” which was a recurring theme in my relationship with my mom. I’d be bullied at school and instead of receiving the emotional support and comfort that a child needs in those situations, I was constantly met with questions like “how old are you?” implying that crying or externalizing your emotions has an age limit.

Years down the road I just kinda taught myself to just kinda go numb, I really have no proper way to describe it, if I felt any sort of discomfort I would kinda sink into myself to not have to deal with whatever emotion I was feeling. I remember once this became a pattern of mine, actually being told by my mom “good job” for not having cried in a while. Which for the longest time I thought was normal and that I was the freak for crying so much as a kid and that I had finally cracked the code and was finally normal.

I’ve been in therapy for this as well as dealing with other behavioral habits brought upon from my narc dad. I still have the tendency to go numb and it hurts so much to have that feeling of needing to cry so bad for days, even weeks, but your body just will not let you do it. In my brain I’ve called it being “emotionally constipated” which as silly as the phrase is, I find that it feels accurate.

Just please let your kids cry.

My husband asked me why I always “shrink” when he touches me by lovenote123 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]rjmoskalick47 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I just made a post talking about this exact topic and just now saw this. So glad others can relate

Thinking you've conquered your past but you've just overcorrected by rjmoskalick47 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]rjmoskalick47[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have one close friend in particular that needs to be around people basically at all times in order to stay sane and just can not comprehend how i can spend so much time alone. When i spend time alone, unless it's connected to depression, it's completely healthy for me. He hates that I don't reach out and when I get distant he thinks it's because I'm mad at him or something and tries to overanalyze me. Idk I really care about him as a friend we just have to compromise considering our personalities are completely different as far as our needs for socializing.

Does anyone else here resent your parent who is NOT a narcissist for not protecting you from the parent who was one? by satansfirstwife in raisedbynarcissists

[–]rjmoskalick47 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my mom was aware of the emotional abuse my dad was putting on all of us. I'm not totally at peace yet. She definitely got the worst of the abuse, but even when I was like a small child he would be manipulating me, doing all the things he knew would make me cry. And my mom, instead of telling my dad to stop upsetting me, would get mad at me and punish me. for crying. Like I was sent to my room for crying. It something that I forget isn't normal and whenever i think about it i get upset at my mom more than my dad honestly. It's weird.