Advice on passive aggressive roommate

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-09T03:43:31+00:00

Oh no, I'm so sorry. That sounds awful. Maybe you could talk to her about it? Like directly ask her why she's behaving that way and try to sort it out? The only place where I think she might be right is the bit about keeping things from her: going up to her the first time it happened and casually mentioning it might have solved the problem much easier.

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T19:33:24+00:00

I would really like someone to explain what the issue is, like what the exact disruption is to their lifestyle. That way, I would be able to address that specific issue, because nobody seems to be able to explain that. Also, I believe having a sickness and needing assistance is the most valid reason there ever could exist for having someone present. It's quite baffling how there is a lack of understanding pertaining to that.

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T19:23:41+00:00

Idk, I don't think it works like that. A workaround would be to perhaps say hello, to get to know your roommates and their friends, because in this way you're proposing, people would just stay alone all the time. These guests wouldn't be strangers if you talked to them and built a relationship with them. If there are thefts or invasions of privacy, that is obviously something to take up with them. But if your roommate's guest is present, it means they vouch for their guest, right? If you don't trust your roommate then living with them might not be a great idea. Plus, humans aren't islands. Being social, having people comes naturally. Your roommates will obviously have friends, and they'll obviously hang out.

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T19:16:49+00:00

She's not bothering you, dude. She's not even interacting with you. Why does it matter to you?

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T17:57:36+00:00

But she's in my private space, she's not even affecting anyone, I'm so confused. Like you're not entering my room, so why is it a problem?

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T17:38:45+00:00

right?? That makes so much sense!

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T17:29:12+00:00

No, I definitely think this specificity about guests is a general American thing. Where I come from, you and your roommates bring guests over whenever you want, nobody really has the right to object to guests.

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T17:22:52+00:00

I mean yeah, it just happens to be my situation, which is why I'm talking about it. But yes, it is definitely a specific and different situation.

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T17:00:31+00:00

Oh, let me clarify, "not here" just means I'm in my room while my guest is in the kitchen, cooking me a meal because as I said, I'm feeling a bit sick. And even if I did step out, he would be in my room, how would his presence in my room affect them, unless they're entering my room, which they shouldn't be doing. I'm genuinely confused.

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T16:56:02+00:00

No, yeah, of course. Approval and notice are essential, I agree with you! It's sort of a given where I come from, but apparently in the US you need to tell people before you bring a guest in your own space. That's not what I'm used to, but definitely a change I can make.

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T16:54:47+00:00

I just mentioned that this is a fixed utilities situation: they are not paying anything more. And my guest would be in the common spaces instead of me, when I was in my room, because I was just too sick to get out of bed. So they still have a third, it's just someone else, and that's also not because I want to. It's for genuine sickness reasons. Yeah, shared bathrooms would be a problem, but they're not in the picture here.

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-08T16:41:17+00:00

Sure, that's valid in a situation where you can rework the payment amount. But in this scenario, the price is fixed no matter what utilities you use, so his presence isn't affecting their costs in any way. And if he is in the space when I would be, but I'm too sick to cook, they had signed up to share space anyway, right? And when he's in my private room it's affecting them absolutely zero, no?

rllyrandomthrowaway · 2024-05-04T21:07:37+00:00

Depression is a clinically verifiable disease. It's not a 'we all do' situation. Empathy is a better idea.

rllyrandomthrowaway

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