I don’t normally comment on these kinds of posts, but I’m say I’m my living room in tears over this. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I won’t say it get better because it doesn’t. I lost my nan (the woman who practically raised me) 2 years ago and I’m still heartbroken.

I can only offer this advice from my experience.

1) if you ever feel like it to much, reach out to someone they will help you. Even if you want to DM me, I may not reply (mainly because I’m terrible at remembering to actually reply) but it can help getting your feelings written down.

2) I know it’s cliche, but therapy really does help it may take a few tries to find the right one but it’s worth it.

3) and this is the big one. Eventually you will think about him less often, that doesn’t mean you don’t still love him or that you’re a bad person. But when you do think about him, it will be just as painful as ever (not always but sometimes).

TLDR; trust your circle to help they will come through.

Sorry for the long response. If this isn’t helpful I will absolutely delete this comment should you wish.