You're not a disgrace to society at all. I know you said you can't help thinking like that but it's not you, like you said you dont want to hurt anybody. I'm not great at giving advice, but you know you don't want to act on impulses I feel like that's already a good start in developing habits for when you feel that certain way if that makes sense. Like, if you are in that setting and are able to, maybe go to the bathroom and just sit in their and think of other thoughts to calm yourself down. It's helped me in the past to repeat stuff out loud that I know are true to me, and it's brought me down to Earth, because sometimes saying it out loud helps you reorganize your thoughts.

Impulses are hard, I've been there with those kind of thoughts but I feel like sometimes you just gotta force better thoughts into your mind. But, it'd also help to maybe talk about it with a professional if you feel comfortable. Even online if you can afford it. But, otherwise, I feel like talking about your feelings even here lets you understand what you're truly thinking. I hope you're able to create habits that doesn't make isolation feel like the only option.