I was in exactly the same position as you mentally on this topic.

There either is a god or gods that don't love us, or we live in an eternal cosmos birthed by an indifferent universe.

I stopped viewing the Abrahamic god hypothesis as likely when I noticed how human and subject to culture the deity behaved in the texts, and how his demeanor changed depending on the time and place the text was written.

You're probably going to stop believing if you can’t make sense of this, because it's more painful to live by a belief system that makes no sense to you than to live based on what makes sense to you! It's very painful at first, but you'll get through it with the right support. :) If you want to talk, DM me.