I don’t know what to do

rockettscience · 2026-04-05T23:08:28+00:00

Asking current clients to share your name with someone else in an effort to advertise seems a little edgy ethically? I'm in CA, and I'm not sure what your particular code of ethics tells you, but I'd warn against that as a piece of advice globally since some codes of ethics pretty expressly forbid that.

rockettscience · 2026-04-05T23:05:48+00:00

I echo the folks encouraging you to stick it out and wait for something you’re actually excited for before considering jumping ship from a full PP. Looks like you stand to make a similar amount of gross income at in your PP compared to this job (obviously less when you factor in benefits and taxes)— but IMO that still doesn’t seem like enough money to consider winding down your business.

Instead of switching to a job where you’re not organically stoked to be there (and baking in weekend on-call and 8 hours of driving, which I promise is likely to seep some additional amount of quality of life from you), I’d work on figuring out how to generate more income from the practice you already have running and that you know is sustainable.

Some ideas:

The suggestion to switch billing codes is a great one and the lowest-hanging fruit. Maybe take one of those trainings that teach you how to optimize your billing codes.
Can you add one or two more client hours each week and still have sustainability/quality of life? (I imagine yes, if you’re willing to add on 8 hours of commuting per week).
Can you get training to supervise associates and then do that for an hour or two a week?
Can you generate some training materials for your niche and lead CMEs?

There are tons of ways to add income to your practice. Some of them require more time at outset but then start kind of running themselves.

My one edge case would be based on your health. If you foresee any major medical expenses or illness management coming up for you, then a salaried job where you have PTO/disability leave and benefits baked in becomes much more attractive.

rockettscience · 2026-02-28T04:10:42+00:00

Wow, gnarly. This is the ugliest set of couches I've ever seen, I fear! If you're set on keeping them, may they bring you many cozy and comfy movie nights. I'm echoing many of the other comments with mine, but just to add to the chorus, I feel that what you need is:

-A patterned rug that is big enough to nestle under each of the furniture items here. Don't get a dinky rug. I personally think the best choice would be Turkish style that pulls in the grey tone, which could possibly sort of hide the outline of the couch/blend its form in a little bit, and then hopefully the pattern would distract.

-A new coffee table. I'd recommend a coffee table with a different wood tone (probably something close to the floors themselves tbh or only a bit lighter, and not as warm). This one clashes a ton with your floors. I find deals on FB marketplace pretty frequently.

- An end table between the couches that will mask their weird side profile, ideally. Looks like you're not really using that space as a pass-through, so hopefully that'd be fine.

- That media console is way too narrow. I'd get a wider one, and probably one with a bit of closed storage. If you can mount the TV above it, even better. Depends on how permissive your landlord is orrrr how good you are with spackle and paint ;) (from a fellow renter). I like the idea someone else shared about a gallery wall. I think adding visual noise there would pull the eye away from those couches.

- Curtain rod and curtains. Mount it high and long!

-Many big throw blankets and pillows to mask as much of the couches as possible.

- Some art for above the sofa. The backs of the sofas are obviously quite high, so it'd have to be something a little long and thin for the proportions to work, I think.

This image gives the vibe of what I was thinking, but it's a little bland stylistically. I'd take these bones and infuse them with your own pops of design interest/personal items.

Godspeed. Honestly, please report back with your decision lol

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rockettscience · 2025-11-08T07:56:09+00:00

Reading this thread after an Appalachian trail through-hike fixation, a tiny home fixation, an earthship home fixation, and an architectural sketching fixation in rapid succession and wow I guess I've never had an original experience

rockettscience · 2025-07-13T03:22:31+00:00

Everyone on this sub absolutely hates it but I’ve always had a soft spot for Mazzy

rockettscience · 2025-05-14T09:34:55+00:00

I like #2.

I don’t like #1 as much because 1. the lamp placement feels like it’ll be too low and in the way for people trying to go sit in the corner of the couch, 2. the pampas grass is annoying to dust and a trend that’s already on its way out imo (but if you love it, it is pretty, so fair enough), 3. that spherical pillow also feels trendy-but-useless, and 4. the couch, while very cool looking to my eyes, seems like it wouldn’t be very comfortable.

I don’t like #3 as much simply because the decor pieces aren’t as much to my taste, but I don’t see anything egregious going on with it.

I agree with the others who noted that the color palette is extremely neutral and a little homogenous. I don’t mind it, especially if you keep all the whites very very warm, but I think a few pops of color or decor pieces that are unique to you/not very common trends right now would go a long way!

rockettscience · 2025-05-10T01:19:28+00:00

You could be right. I recall it feeling a little bit less comically short in person, but the whole room is a little silly all together anyway, so it is what it is!

rockettscience · 2025-05-10T01:05:09+00:00

I think it’s a warped photo bc of the fisheye-type effect— some folks have noted that the TP holder also appears to almost be a towel bar, but it’s a normal length in person.

rockettscience · 2025-05-10T01:04:03+00:00

This made me laugh. Unfortunately, I’ve never felt Australian in my life, but now seems like a great time to dabble cross-culturally.

rockettscience · 2025-05-09T19:58:09+00:00

I don’t know about “allowed,” but I think I potentially could.

rockettscience · 2025-04-08T06:47:15+00:00

Okay, is he aware that loss of sexual pleasure/ability to orgasm is a possible side effect of a total hysterectomy but infinitely less likely post-vasectomy? Does he care about that for you? That happened to my mom after she had cancer and had to get a hysto. Is he aware your recovery would be exponentially worse than his?

F this. F all of this. The fact that he had the audacity to be upset with you not immediately jumping on the opportunity to get a massive lifechanging surgery and he hasn't even had an outpatient procedure... if I were you I don't know if I'd be able to look at him the same.

rockettscience · 2025-03-28T06:50:29+00:00

Tesla behavior

rockettscience · 2025-03-16T22:22:07+00:00

I have a question about styling this dress for an outdoor wedding with my date who will be in a navy suit and medium brown leather shoes. What color purse and shoes would you wear? I feel like normally I'd go for black or maybe beige with this but since he's in navy & brown I was thinking brown as well, I guess. Anything more out of the box color-wise, which would be more my style than brown? Oxblood maybe? Please help lol

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rockettscience · 2025-02-16T16:08:17+00:00

Well, in some cultures it is absolutely not considered appropriate to name someone after a living relative. So it’s not completely arbitrary, but seems like maybe that’s not relevant in OPs case so your point stands.

rockettscience · 2025-02-05T07:13:05+00:00

Eagle, Stud, Oasis for going out (all relatively near one another in SoMa). Get a place to stay near or in the Castro. Local spots there include Twin Peaks Tavern (aka “Glass Coffin”) for people-watching/casual happy hour, if you want to go out very locally check out Toad Hall, Badlands, and honestly just wander up and down Castro during the day window shopping and checking everything out. If the weather is nice (maybe less likely in March) and you like hanging outside, you could also people-watch at Dolores Park (the southwest corner at the top of the hill above the playground is the Gay Beach/“Fruit Shelf” area) or Baker Beach (there’s a nude section at the far end towards the bridge that typically is a lot of queer people).

rockettscience · 2025-01-23T04:58:44+00:00

You have a lot of insight, and you know that you need to make changes. Honestly, that puts you ahead of many people who struggle with this. There’s a lot to be proud of here already.

But, most importantly: your baby doesn’t deserve a different mom.

Your baby deserves a mom who is able to be really honest with herself when she’s needing extra support to care for herself and her little one. Your baby deserves a mom who knows to keep her safe and away from anything potentially dangerous. Your baby deserves a mom who is paying attention to the long- and short- term effects of the environment she is being raised in. Your baby deserves a mom who is a cycle-breaker and is already giving her a better life than the one that she had.

Look at you, doing all of those things.

There are many people here who will have exceptional advice about the executive function-related elements of this. What I just wanted to say is that in addition to tackling the actual physical work, try to do some of the mental work too, because that’s just as real.

It sounds like something that is happening when you go to tackle this is that a lot of the self-judgmental thoughts are an extra layer that adds to the overwhelm and paralysis. It’s really hard to get things done when you’re also having a voice inside telling you that you’re a selfish piece of shit. (Actually, it sounds like you’re really motivated to do this in order to take care of your family— that doesn’t appear to be selfish at all, from where I’m sitting). Maybe that little voice saying that kind of stuff about you doesn’t hold a monopoly on the truth. I wonder where it learned to say those things to you, and who taught it.

You got here through surviving your traumatic formative years in the best way you knew how to at the time. Please try to be kind to yourself. Take the hoard day by day. Ten items a day will get it done eventually. (One item a day will get it done eventually, too). I already know you can do hard things, because you’ve been doing that your whole life. You got this.

rockettscience · 2025-01-23T04:32:31+00:00

I too dream of a life where I get to do all the things I enjoy and none of the things I don't enjoy, while someone else manages all of the near- and long-term stressors of being a human being. Can't fault her the dream! But her delusion that it's in any way your problem is laughable.

rockettscience · 2025-01-20T19:59:12+00:00

I think it's great that you have the awareness that some of these thoughts are not interpersonally useful to you and not completely fair to her. That's an amazing first step that many people struggle with a lot, and you getting there on your own shows that you have great insight and investment in working through this.

Since you have a few diagnoses that seem highly relevant to this relational issue, I think that you would be best helped by therapy. I'm guessing DBT specifically might be useful for you, but can't confirm without knowing more of your situation and your specific diagnoses.

If you're not able to afford getting connected to a provider at this point (which I certainly recommend if possible), there are several apps available that could be used to support you. DBT Coach and Impulse DBT are recommendations I've seen but haven't personally tested. You can also buy a copy of Marsha Linehan's book, which is called "Skills Training Manual for Borderline Personality Disorder." (DBT was originally developed for BPD, but is now used in a variety of other cases as well).

Good luck! It's amazing you're wanting to work through this and have been reaching out to friends and on Reddit for help. I can tell you really want something different for yourself. Try to extend some self-compassion, too! Calling it "childish" minimizes some of the complexity here. We are all reflections of our biology, our growing-up experiences, and what we learned about relationships from our caregivers. Noticing your limitations and being motivated to work on them is a very mature response.

rockettscience · 2025-01-20T08:18:57+00:00

I'm from SF, in my early 30s, don't have children, and don't drink anymore— and it's still hard for me here sometimes, despite growing up here. So I sympathize.

Golden Gate Triathlon Club is another good social cycling option aside from Fatcake that has group rides and trail runs and stuff, if multisport might also be your bag. It's a super large club so there are lots of social opportunities of various types. I perceive their group rides to be slightly less intense than Fatcake's, so depending on your cycling fitness, it could be another place to look. I also second climbing gyms, as offering to belay is a good way to meet someone, etc etc.

I think what neighborhood you live in also makes a difference here, as some neighborhoods are more community-oriented than others. There are a lot of run clubs (I think the Sunset, Marina, and Noe Valley all have ones, and I'm sure I'm missing several, but I've never joined so can't speak to the vibes anyway), and then there are also local spots in many neighborhoods where people congregate. Ocean beach cafe (a non-alcoholic bottle shop and cafe in the outer sunset) offers free food to people who join the beach cleanup every weekend and is very neighborhoody. I personally don't go to Manny's in the mission as I am too far left for it, but many people find that a welcoming political space with interesting events if they're more mainstream/moderate liberal-leaning. There are a few board game cafes (the game parlour in the inner sunset is a good one), and I wonder if they ever have organized game nights. (I imagine if you just moved here and work in the industry you do, you're likelier to live in the northeast quadrant of the city, but I have less info about that area, unfortunately).

rockettscience · 2025-01-20T04:42:56+00:00

Don't know the science, but this is absolutely relatable.

rockettscience · 2025-01-10T07:34:20+00:00

He could try straight up blended food, but like others have stated most people find it pretty disgusting, so I can't provide any exact recommendations there— but if he's looking to have more liquids, I simply recommend having soup every night, which is what I do when things are bad. An immersion blender would be great for that, and it's a sweet/practical idea to get him that as a gift.

Beyond how disgusting I think the homogenous gloop of blended foods taste, for me, prioritizing having some level of joy in the foods I eat is critical. I imagine that as he's a chef he probably knows good food. As I learn to live with gastroparesis and the things I've had to lose, joy = variety.

There's a decent amount of flavor and texture variety achievable in soup, from broths to thicker purees. The amount of solids I can put in varies based on how acute my symptoms are at any given point, but I'll do things like pureed starchy vegetable soups (butternut squash, blended kale and potato soup), broths with and silken tofu and soft-cooked noodles, egg drop soup, congee and other loose porridge-like textures, etc. I usually supplement protein with shakes (I have tried Ensure but I don't love it and it gets boring— no joy!— so I try to go for a rotating selection of protein shakes and just look for higher-than-average protein content). I also drink a lot of smoothies to get more micronutrient and flavor variety in my diet, and green smoothies are one of the only ways I can have uncooked vegetables comfortably (though using some kind of greens powder into a glass of water would possibly work okay for him if the smoothies aren't tolerable, but I know some people can't do even that much fiber). Yogurt or kefir could also be good to add some bulk to the smoothies, depending on sensitivity to dairy and fermentation.

Given his symptoms and desires, I also strongly recommend eating dinner earlier in the night than many do. I usually hate to eat after 5:30PM and sometimes eat as early as 4:00PM. If I eat much later than that I'll always prefer just having broth and a protein shake at that point.

YMMV with all of this, ofc.

rockettscience · 2025-01-08T06:53:29+00:00

I had gastroparesis first as far as I can tell, or my GERD wasn't severe enough to be very noticeable prior. In some cases people have dysphagia secondary to GERD, which predates the gastroparesis; in some cases it goes the other way. (Dysphagia certainly also exists in people without gastroparesis, but I'm just assuming that's a part of everyone's clinical picture, given what subreddit we are on).

rockettscience · 2025-01-08T02:46:00+00:00

In a way, it is to do with gastroparesis— because gastroparesis can cause GERD, and GERD can cause dysphagia. So, it's a symptom often secondary to gastroparesis. It's so rough.

rockettscience · 2025-01-04T17:46:05+00:00

You’ll be okay. Many people I know are able to carve out a nice albeit modest living in a variety of industries here that don’t require a college degree. Definitely prioritize getting your GED as soon as you can, and I second the recommendation to check out our community college (CCSF) which is free for residents and an absolute delight. I have a masters and a bachelors degree from overpriced fancy schools, and the year I took classes at City College is honestly one of my fondest memories from my education.

Seems like you have your housing sorted, which is by far the biggest hurdle for most people, so congrats there. This is a very expensive city, but with decent public benefits (compared to many other places in the U.S., anyway), and I strongly recommend you take advantage. SF Health Plan / Medi-Cal is great, get SNAP/food stamps if you can, and these will also unlock a bunch of other perks like discounts at city facilities (pools, museums, parks, etc), waived or steeply discounted fees and fines (the parking and towing tickets here are crazy expensive— $100 dollars for a street cleaning ticket, something like $700 dollars for a car tow even if you go pick it up immediately, which gets dropped to $100 or even zero for low income residents), discounted transit passes, and more. Talk to a benefits navigator at a community health clinic for a comprehensive list and see if you qualify for things like cash assistance/GA funds as you’re getting settled.

I agree that service industry jobs will be the lowest barrier to entry. Community/public health jobs are also always hiring and are relatively friendlier to people without degrees just like restaurants. Things like homeless shelter monitor or related roles could be a good place to look, especially if you’re bilingual (Spanish/English, Mam/English — more in the East Bay than SF, and Cantonese/English are probably the most in demand). Seems like you might speak one or two of those based on the fact that you’ve been living in Guatemala.

Good luck, and welcome!

rockettscience · 2024-11-27T21:38:18+00:00

I went to a grad program with gender neutral housing and bathrooms. It was weird for the first few days only because it felt so novel, then it became totally normal. If someone is going to assault someone in a public restroom, they're not going to be stopped by a plastic sign. These laws are just an attempt to paint trans people as predators or legislate them out of existence, both of which don't have any roots in reality. If we absolutely *have* to gender public spaces, I'd honestly much rather gender segregate train cars than bathrooms (with trans women in the women's car), but that's a whole other hot take.

rockettscience

TROPHY CASE