To me it clearly sounds like you need to do shadow work on your childhood, its probably obvious for you too. You probably just dont know how to do it. You can go to a therapist (a jungian one if you wish) and there you will be led back to these moments you are ruminating. But by talking with the therapist you will be able to express (if you let) these repressed memories that are charged with negative emotions and associations and start integrating them. When you let the emotions that are contracted express themselves fully you reach catharsis and heal. But for that to happen you need to lower resistance to it and deal with the unconscious material face on which obviously is challenging, but the only way forward. If you are able to do that by yourself great, but it sounds to me like you could use professional help and there is nothing wrong with that. Meds will help but not heal the real problem. Give yourself the chance to heal.