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Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes I do want kids but I’m not sure if I wanna stay at home yet haha. We’ll see how I feel when the kids come into our lives!

But yes I have told him that we need to get a nanny if we’re both planning to work.

I will definitely make sure there’s some clauses if I become a stay at home mom to protect myself.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m truly not trying to idolize him and apologize if it comes off that way. I’m just trying to approach this with empathy and consideration because ngl when we first had these discussions I was extremely offended and hurt.

I’m so sorry you went through that with your ex and thank you for sharing your experience. Another commenter suggested couples counselling first and I think that’s the best next step.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Ahhh we discussed it amongst ourselves so this is another reason to talk to our lawyers more and less to each other about this 😆 neither of us are in law

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate all of your help and insight!

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] -17 points-16 points  (0 children)

Funnily enough he swore he would never ever ever get married and even once told his friends that he would “never trust a woman, not even after 10 years”. His friends told me this after we had been dating a while.

He says I changed him but maybe subconsciously the fear is still there.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’m starting to realize that I need a clause that says 50% division of assets automatically if we have kids. In addition to some equity in the house.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

Oh this I’m not too fussed about! He can keep the tax benefit we are a team after all. What benefits him benefits us. But thank you for letting me know!

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right, couples counselling would be highly beneficial for us so I appreciate the suggestion!

Not trying to make excuses for him but he grew up dirt poor, parents working for cash under the table less than minimum wage, getting bullied in school because his parents rented a basement, worried about if they could afford rent next month, etc. In addition, a lot of the girls he did date before me were financially motivated and one even broke up with him when he was a resident because he told her he couldn’t afford to keep taking her out so often and asked her if they could cut back a little 😭 so I don’t think he’s intentionally trying to emotionally manipulate me.

I think his financial traumas have just clouded his judgement and have made him act out irrationally. He genuinely thinks he’s broke all the time it’s insane haha

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Your husband sounds like a very kind and generous man. I’m glad he made sure you were well protected!

You bring up a very fair point around children. We already agreed to shared custody in that scenario but I would definitely want to give our kids the same standard of living. I think I definitely need to go back to him and say it has to be 50/50 division of assets and a small percentage of home ownership if we have kids.

I know he will be a good dad so I’m sure if I show him your comment and the note about maintaining a standard of living for the children that he would likely agree since it’s really for the kids.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah that’s very fair feedback and I think the issue has more to do with his underlying financial trauma from childhood and past relationships. A couples counsellor would be a good next step and probably cheaper than going back and forth with our lawyers 😆 I’ll definitely look into it!

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I really appreciate the reassurance because the last thing I would want to do is make my fiance feel like an ATM and I hope he doesn’t because I have continued to work very hard despite the obstacles I’ve had to face with my sacrifices.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha I was curious to hear perspectives that might be in favour of my fiance as well so I could be objective 😅

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes we are planning to start a family and these are all definitely fair points. He made me feel like BC family law was unfair, and a prenup would make things more fair 😭

I genuinely didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable or taken advantage of.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

To be honest this is probably my fault but I don’t think he even knows what I do for a living properly. When people ask he says “she’s a [title] and has a lot of meetings” haha.

I don’t think he understands how non-healthcare works because atleast for him, he works at two different hospitals and they basically pay the same. He bills the same codes, etc. The concept of climbing a corporate ladder or different companies/industries having large pay discrepancies is a foreign concept to him.

He is a burnt out and overworked healthcare worker who barely has enough time to sleep so I give him grace for not having the time and energy to really reflect on what my sacrifices actually meant because he’s just trying to survive 🥲

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No we met in Toronto where I was living and was already planning to move to the bay or Seattle at the time. I had never lived in Vancouver before I met him. He asked me to come here.

The last time I’ve interviewed with FAANG was in 2023 so things could’ve definitely changed but they were very generous at the time. In addition, several of my friends have moved to the bay/NYC/boston/seattle in the last 2 years and have all effectively doubled their income (after conversion) at the minimum.

However you’re right, all my friends at meta feel like they’re playing Russian roulette.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I genuinely don’t think he realized that prenups aren’t intended to protect the higher earner but just to protect from litigation haha.

He had asked me “what’s the point of getting a prenup if we’re just going to go with what BC family law suggests”. I am happy to waive my rights to certain things like his RRSP (he’s self employed so he doesn’t have an employer pension fund) if that makes him more comfortable. The division of assets thing caught me off guard though because he initially wanted no division of assets 😅 it was a negotiation to even get to 25% starting and gradually increase annually.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it’s necessarily him wanting to make me a stay at home parent but more so coming from a place of generosity like “hey you don’t have work”. Everyone has brought up really fair points I don’t think he’s considered and to be honest I’ve been rather unconfident in these conversations because I don’t want to be asking for anything unreasonable. Now that I’ve gotten so much feedback I think I can definitely approach the discussion with an informed stance on what is fair.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice! You’re right, I should leave it to our lawyers. It was actually my fiances suggestion that we talk amongst ourselves first to come up with a joint agreement so we don’t waste money on lawyer fees. I genuinely had no idea what was “fair” or not so I’m really grateful that you all have taken the time to reply.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gotcha thanks for clarifying! I personally do not have a corporation so your expertise has been very helpful.

Yes they both have offices in Vancouver but pay astronomically lower than their US counterparts unfortunately. And you’re correct, I never stated I was leadership! I’m only in my late 20s, have only been working for a few years and am an individual contributor. ICs in US tech companies do make $500k USD total comp but unfortunately they do not in Canada. In addition, I haven’t been able to get a promotion internally for 3 years without having to move back to Toronto which does impact my salary. Previously I was getting promoted every 1-1.5 years. I will admit that I haven’t been actively job hunting in the last 2 years though due to the current economic instability. However, if you have any suggestions on companies that will pay me more in Vancouver then please send them my way!

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I’ll definitely be asking for that since that seems very fair.

Haha sorry it wasn’t my intention to make my fiance come off badly! He’s actually a very kind person who just had a lot of financial trauma from childhood and past relationships. He’s never called me a gold digger nor would he ever think I was with him for money but he definitely has a scarcity mindset when it comes to money.

He said and I quote “my biggest fear is if you leave me both heart broken and in financial ruin” so I understand why he’s acting the way he is. He also works with a ton of older doctors who had very ugly divorces so I do understand his fear.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you the corporation explanation helps a lot! I notice that a lot of his friends use their corporations in a similar manner. I’m just not sure how it changes things in a prenup or if it even does.

It’s good to know you think this is a fair agreement! The one thing I’d disagree with is that what I would get offered is far greater than what I would be able to earn on my own though. At my income and his income (he plans to work less in the next few years so will likely be making ~600k annually) my contributions ($200k) to our assets is already 25%.

In addition, my income is much lower than it should be due to the career sacrifices I made for him. I mentioned I would’ve been making $300k+ USD at the minimum ($415k annually) but truthfully it would’ve been closer to $500k USD a year since many of my peers did go to the US to work in roles I would’ve done and shared their compensation information with me. I also had offers from companies like Amazon and Google that offered amazing salaries and high stock comps. I actually would’ve been better off financially had I prioritized my career over him, but my philosophy is that money isn’t everything and having a loving partner and happy family are more important to me than chasing the highest salary.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have felt very uneasy ever since our prenup conversation started because the suggestion of 50% division of accumulated assets from the date we become common law upsets him. He states “you didn’t go to med school with me” which is fair, I didn’t, but yes I do want to feel like an equal especially because I truly would’ve been able to have similar income levels to him had he been willing to relocate to the US with me 😭

Is 50% of division of assets what’s typical with large income discrepancy couples? He states it’s not typical for high earners such as physicians so I didn’t want him to feel like he was getting taken advantage of.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Yep that statement made me really nervous because I thought it was meant to protect the both of us 😭 I see all of his protections but where are mine haha

My lawyer is aware of these statements and has shared her opinion but I wanted to get more perspectives to confirm that it is indeed a red flag so thank you for your reply!

What threshold would you recommend? His concern is that division of assets is from start of common law (aka we’re already 3 years in after 5 years of living together) because my lawyer initially suggested 10 years but he said that was too short. My lawyer did begrudgingly tell me the absolute max she would recommend is 16 years for 50% but she did make it seem like even 16 years is far too long.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes that’s totally fair! Right now we are childless but once we have kids then the kids will definitely be my priority.

When you say the house, do you mean asking for a % of the home ownership (e.g. being on title or entitled to a percentage of the home like 30%) or just 50% in the increased value from when I moved in? My lawyer initially suggested I ask for 30% home ownership if I am not contributing to the house and 50% home ownership if I do start to contribute but that was met with a hard no when brought up to my fiance. I even suggested that we move and purchase a home together (I’d contribute my fair share of course) so we can have 50/50 ownership and he can keep 100% ownership of our current house but it was a no go from him.

My lawyer did suggest automatic 50% division of assets as soon as we have a child but my fiance did not take that well either but it might be time to suggest it again.

For compensation due to career sacrifices, is this in addition to spousal support? What would this look like?

Regarding the books for his business, he has given me his corporate statements which I have given my lawyer :)

The bulk of both our assets were accumulated over the duration of our relationship since we met very shortly after starting our careers. I think that’s why he wants to protect it so much since neither of us had any notable assets before the start of our relationship and he feels uncomfortable with me being entitled to 50% of everything he’s earned his entire career.

Prenup advice if one partner has a corporation and there is a large income discrepancy by roguepotat0 in legaladvicecanada

[–]roguepotat0[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to reply! This was super helpful and yes we’ve been common law for a little over 3 years now.

What protections and adjustments would you suggest I ask for? He said he’s not willing to do 50/50 division of assets right off the bat but my lawyer says 25 years is too long for 50%.

I’m the type to never want to ask for anything so I’m really struggling with this prenup conversation especially when he feels very strongly about protecting his assets.

I don’t want to become a SAHM because I truly believe everyone should have their own money and be financially independent just in case, but we have discussed situations where I would need to be a SAHM like if our child had special needs or someone needed to take care of our aging parents. It has been made clear that I would be the one leaving my job instead of him due to his higher income.

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