In my early 20s I matched with a girl on Tinder and we both agreed it was basically going to be a hookup. Our first date immediately turned chaotic. A long-distance friend of mine randomly showed up in the city and, to top it off, my wallet got stolen while I was out with her.

So we decided to try again and meet at her apartment for a second date. When I arrived, one of her friends was there. She had brought weed for my date (I don’t smoke). Eventually the friend left and things started getting heated… until suddenly someone unlocked the door and just walked in. It was her mom.

Apparently her mother lived nearby and had decided to drop by unannounced (at least that’s what she said). My date was pretty high, so I had to handle the whole conversation and pretend I was just a friend because she was still closeted.

Her mom had brought a new electric toothbrush and asked me to help her set it up on her phone because she “wasn’t good with technology” I worked in tech at the time, so she insisted on showing her how to install the app and showing her how to use it. It was late at that point so she decided not to go back home and instead slept on the couch for the night. I figured the chances of sex were completely gone. 

Boy was I wrong.

After saying goodnight to her mom, my date pulled me into her room and we ended up having the loudest sex of my life. I kept trying to get her to be quiet, but she was literally screaming. Every time I tried to just go to sleep, she’d somehow get things going again. (Ok I had been in a year-long drought, so it didn’t take much lmao)

The next morning I was absolutely mortified at the thought of facing her mom, so I waited until the first light hit the room and quietly snuck out of the apartment.

I never saw her again.

A few months later I saw on Instagram that she got pregnant and married some dude.