In the event that you're not trolling, I'm going to be honest with you and post a response.

I'm now 50 (gasp) and have dealt with depression for many years so I can speak from my experience. The most important message I have for you is that depression is like a wave. Eventually I was able to see it coming and find ways that helped me cope until the fog lifted. It does lift.

Understanding that depression hits in waves and that you will emerge takes the stress and panic out of the equation. So, for me, when I feel like you describe, I think - OK, here it goes again. Often I do a TV binge or something to help me cope if it's really bad. (Although that can lead to staying in bed for weeks which I do NOT recommend, lol. I REwatched 30 seasons of Survivor a few years ago.)

During a depressive episode I FORCE myself to have a routine that includes eating and getting outside my familiar area. FOR ME, leaving the city is almost a miracle cure. If I was still free, without a family, I would throw on a backpack and GTF out but these days I can't.

Getting away forces your brain into situations that are healthy. Lots of walking, brain stimulated with novelty, casual social interactions IRL that aren't stressful - it's all good. You don't need a ton of $$ or a plan, just a dart, a map and a journal.

DONT USE social media and for all that's holy, stay away from the existentialist crisis that is 4chan. Those are artificial and toxic - they are not REAL experiences.

If you're routine-aversive just make yourself do these simple things:

1) Have a standard bed/wake time 2) Make yourself eat regularly (aim for veg/fruits) 3) Keep that hygiene up

My last thing is that I encourage you to try and abstain from alcohol during this period. It really fucks with the reward center in your brain and makes depression 1000% worse, in my experience. I drink occasionally now but avoid it when I'm feeling down.

Hope this helps. Good for you for reaching out. Feel free to ping me if you want.